infidelity, personality clash, money matters, sexual incompatibility or any of the myriad of other reasons people no longer wish to live together. A grave emotional price is paid, akin to that experienced with death. No matter how desired, as in the case of abuse, addiction or both, the sense of a loss of caring, being left alone to be responsible for all matters previously shared leaves many frightened and bewildered. Having to return to the workplace, particularly if the job is not pleasurable or gratifying, is another source of anger and resentment. Needing to go back to a single lifestyle after many years of cohabitation can also be daunting.
In almost all cases where retirement is a desired option in later life, if the union is in jeopardy I strongly advise family counseling of some sort. Seek out your clergyman or, if you can afford it, a professionally trained mental health counselor with experience in this area. If some form of illness is involved, psychiatric consultation is highly advised to aid in the adjustment process.
Emotions often run wild and trump practicality; therefore, the intervention of third party professional objectivity is definitely necessary when rash moves are being contemplated in older-age couples, threatening to destroy what has taken a lifetime to create. Do not overturn the planning of many years with what may turn out to be nothing more than a change-of-life fling. While such ego-boosting moves are commonplace among the very wealthy (who can easily afford such maneuvers), divorce in average-income older people can ruin retirement plans. If at all possible, make every effort to save your union. If there is a threat to your staying together, plan events that promote togetherness, like getaways to places that have special meaning in the history of your relationship (such as where you met or honeymooned).
It may sound as if I am placing a greater value on monetary well-being than on happiness, but understand I am expressing beliefs from the perspective of many years of delving into analysis of the lives of people who wish that they had used sound judgment instead of acting on temporary romantic whims. This is not to say that some unions are just not salvageable and that one or both partners would be better off apart, seeking new arrangements. However, as I’ve conveyed, from the perspective of preserving a decent retirement, avoid separation if at all possible.
DEPRESSION
The aging process itself is a natural precipitator of depression. Aging is a time of loss and the loss of vitality or loved ones is a common reason people become depressed.
I want to delineate between the unhappiness many feel in the geriatric years, a depression caused in reaction to an unpleasant situation, and endogenous depression, which is an intrapsychic disorder (that is, it comes from within, biological or genetic in nature rather than event-driven), usually requiring pharmacologic and in severe cases somatic therapy as well as psychotherapy. Some severe cases of geriatric depression can also require medication, but many, if not most, cases of depressive reaction to the disabilities associated with growing older can be treated with talk therapies.
The loss of work itself can trigger a depressive response in individuals who have come to depend upon the work environment to be a surrogate family, especially when more time and emotional energy are exerted there than at home. In such cases, loss of work is equated to loss of family and can result in separation anxiety and depression. In the most dramatic cases, suicidal ideation can be associated with having to face a non-regimented future. An existence devoid of definitive structure can be frightening to those who have become so used to such an existence as to not be able to envision a life without it. That is what sometimes makes the retired policeman kill himself and career criminals commit crimes just to be re-incarcerated. In advanced societies we have been so indoctrinated with the work ethic that after decades of being employed and befriending coworkers (sometimes making them our closest or only friends), being deprived of this existence can cause feelings of sadness.
There are varying degrees of depression associated with the older years, sometimes exacerbated by the loss of the employment environment. Symptoms can range from feelings of sadness to extreme withdrawal and bouts of weeping. Withdrawal can be manifested in a loss of interest in things previously enjoyed, isolation from family and friends, a loss of libido or, at worst, suicidal ideation. Those who voice suicidal thoughts openly should always be taken for professional care. Never downplay suicidal remarks. Most people who attempt suicide have spoken to someone about such feelings before trying to harm themselves.
Psychotherapy should focus on the learning and psychological incorporation of the skills of adjustment to a life after work.
ACCOMMODATION
Whether you are the victim of downsizing, have been fired for cause, have become disabled, have run into the age barrier of the charter of a firm, have been offered a severance package from a company or government agency or simply have realized you can’t or just don’t want to do the job anymore, retirement is a compromise with reality. Like the baseball pitcher with a sore arm who has lost his velocity and the football running back who has an injured leg, the time has come to make the psychological accommodation to a new phase of life. For some this will be easy but for others it may be much more difficult.
In my experience, those individuals who have chosen to work in industries where there is usually a seasonal break or layoff, like school teachers and construction workers, adapt more readily to retirement regimens. Also, those people who are not intimately involved with the intricacies of the work they do, who may be marginal to decisions regarding their status and therefore have little emotional attachment to the work or have never focused in on one career choice but have moved on from one job to another with periods of being idle and collecting unemployment benefits and, later on, Social Security payments, have relatively little difficulty adapting to a retired lifestyle. When the job you do is only a means of making a living and the people you are associated with at work are just casual acquaintances, leaving for a more relaxed environment is no big deal, if you have enough money. The difficulty comes when you don’t have enough money.
The psychological concern arises with workers whose lives have become so entwined with the regimentation of their work, sometimes to the detriment of family and other aspects of their lives, that they just don’t ever want to quit and don’t know when it’s time to “throw in the towel.”
The process I call deregimentation to aid the marginal cases, who can then overcome their difficulties and enjoy a peaceful retirement, will be covered in the Practicality chapter of this book. Attention will also be given to individuals who should not choose voluntary retirement.
Be aware that various emotional aspects of retirement can become the exhilarating highs of a carefree existence or the throes of despair if not adequately prepared for.
Hopefully, if the advice and formulas given in this book are adhered to, the reader will experience what I have, a delicious icing on the cake of life.
The Practicality of Retirement
Not all people in a position to choose should consider retiring. Workers who are obligated to retire at a certain age or because of their physical inability to perform their duties properly may have no choice. Neither do those individuals whose positions are superseded by technological changes in their industries.
WHO SHOULD RETIRE AND WHO SHOULDN’T
The questions to
