ing
If you spell Newark new ark which means new work in a different order you get wanker or town you get nowt which means nothing.
Mrs Palefort
Nothing had happened to Mum or the Castle. Dads Ghost had been lying to me and now I was in Big Trouble. I had broken a mini bus and got Mr Rosen and Mrs Fell in Mrs Paleforts bad books.
Mrs Palefort is the Head Teacher and she wanted to see me and Mum when I got back from Hadrians Wall so we went to her office which is on the left when you go into school before you see the corridor which goes past the library and into the main hall where there are assemblies on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays.
Mum knocked on the door knock knock and I saw her rings werent on her hand. We waited and Mum looked at me and she had her black Trouser Suit on and her hair back and she closed her eyes and let air out of her nose and behind us there were giggles and stares and cough words burning and burning into me.
We waited and waited behind the brown DOOR and smelt the sick smell of the clean shiny FLOOR mixing with Mums perfume and then a voice all fuzzy from nowhere said Come in.
Mum nodded for me to open the door so I did and the room peeled open until I could see Mrs Palefort sitting with her worst face EVER with her hands joined togETHER making a church and a steeple but a fallen over church lying sideways on the desk.
Mrs Palefort has dark brown and light white hair in a bun and a big forehead and big square glasses that melt the top half of her face but the bottom half stayed still like it was frozen.
There were two empty seats on the other side of the room and Mrs Palefort nodded her head one millimetre and this meant sit down in them.
Mrs Palefort said Now Im sure I dont have to explain why Ive asked you both to come and see me.
Mum said in her trying to be posh voice No you dont.
And then both Mum and Mrs Palefort looked at me until their eyes had enough power to shake my head. When Mrs Paleforts eyes got what they wanted they turned to Mum and said Do you know how many children in this town are now travelling to state schools outside of Newark?
Mum said No I dont.
1000 was the answer and then Mrs Palefort said Can you imagine what kind of damage an incident like this does to our reputation? Weve got half our catchment area already travelling into Lincolnshire. The best half to be perfectly honest. And we hardly need Year Sevens stealing mini buses on school trips a month before we have an OFSTED inspection. You do understand?
Mum said Yes I do.
Mrs Palefort made a noise then locked her words up in her mouth and went into a long silence like this
and then she came out of the silence and said Under normal circumstances we would have no choice but to take Philip out of school either temporarily or permanently.
When she said this Mum started to say something but Mrs Palefort raised her chin like it was climbing over Mums words and said Mrs Noble I understand that these are not normal circumstances and that Philip is still in a state of bereavement for the loss of his father. I also understand that Philip may have been sleep walking or at least not truly aware of what he was doing. This is why he will stay with us for the time being. Under special conditions of course.
Mum lost her posh voice and said Special conditions? What special conditions?
And I didnt hear the first special conditions because I was looking at my bendy shape in one of the trophies on the shelf on the wall. But Mum said later the special conditions were that I had to see the school counsellor once a week but that was all right because the school counsellor was Mrs Fell who is a counsellor as well as a Teacher.
And then I stopped looking at the trophy and I heard Mrs Palefort still talking saying But obviously if these difficulties CONtinue we may have to consider the option of a PUPIL REFERRAL UNIT which could mean taking Philip out of school altogether. But I am sure as time goes by Philip will start to find himself better adjusted to our school environment and I doubt we will see any more incidents involving school mini buses. Dont you Philip?
She wanted a Yes so I gave her one.
Rudyard Kipling
Mrs Fell taught us about the First World War and about a man called Archduke Franz Ferdinand. He got shot and that is how the War started and then millions and millions of men died because of that and that means there are millions and millions of ghosts all over Europe of soldiers and only one ghost of Archduke Ferdinand and I bet the soldier ghosts get cross with him.
Mrs Fell gave us a printed sheet of Facts about the War and at the top of the Facts were some words by a man called Rudyard Kipling who is famous because of The Jungle Book which I watched when I was little but dont watch now because Im too old and because it is on video not DVD and it has Baloo the Bear singing Yes its true I want to be like you who who and the words on the sheet said
‘If any question why we died,
Tell them, because our fathers lied.’
Common Form, ‘Epitaphs of the War (1914–1918)’
Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936)
I didnt know what Epitaphs meant or Common Form but I liked the words at the top because my father lied about people coming to the Pub and I didnt die but I did get into BIG TROUBLE. And the words told me that I should tell the truth about Dads Ghost lying and telling me to take the mini bus. Later that day I was with Mrs Fell again and she wasnt my Teacher now she was my counsellor but she looked the same except her head was more sideways when she was my counsellor.
She asked me Why did you do it Philip?
I said Because my father lied.
She said What?
And I said If any question why we died tell them because our fathers lied.
She looked at me for a long while with a very sideways head but she still looked pretty even sideways especially when she crinkled her nose at the same time.
Mrs Fell is the prettiest Teacher because she has green eyes that look into you and black curly hair and a big smile and her top lip is like an M but flatter and her bottom lip is bigger on the left than the right and she wears lipstick but not bright like Mums lipstick and she has white skin that is soft. She wears nice clothes like jeans and a pink T shirt which says ATHLETIC and she has a necklace with a small gold cross like how Jesus died with nails in him. And she is from Ollerton which is near Newark but she does not speak like Nottinghamshire which is sad with the words going
with her words not falling even though she is called Mrs Fell. And she just looked at me with sideways eyes the way I look in my tank to see if fish have died.
After a long time she said very quietly as if I had eggshell ears she said Thats from a poem Philip.
I said Yes I know but my Dad really did lie to me when I was in Hadrians Wall.
She
