I ask you, does my acceptance here depend upon my co-operation with your desires?"
"No, you may stay but you will start where all other inductees start. Working the kitchen or cleaning. They are the very least of the blessing I can give to you."
"May I enquire as to why you have chosen me for such a special blessing?" asked Maggie.
"Because I see you, you are not hidden." Peter replied, his answer somewhat confusing to Maggie.
"Do all men see me?" she asked, seeking to understand.
"Only those such as I who are blessed with insight. I can see you are no stranger to a man's desires."
Maggie had no wish to work in either the kitchen or at cleaning. Peter was right; there was no point in pretending she was anything other than what she was.
"When would you require me?"
"Come" he said "sit beside me now."
Over the coming months as Peter searched his new found vessel, Maggie uncovered many truths and secrets that would enable her to manipulate outcomes and ensure her security in the commune. When the time finally came, as she knew it surely would and Peter gazed upon a new vessel for further enlightenment, Maggie advised him of her young age and the portfolio of evidence she had stored. She sought his assurances that he would in no way retaliate or hinder her freedom and under the circumstances Peter was only too happy to oblige her. It had not taken her long to realize that Peter and his commune was basically built on 'smoke and mirrors' and presented no real threat to her. She had no problem with being cast aside by the Bishop and was now free to engage in other relationships and she did so without any commitment or care. Just so long as it was in some way or another a benefit to her.
Maggie remained at the commune for more than three years. Only occasionally leaving the compound to venture outside in order to phone her mother, or pick up items of a personal nature from the nearest town. Her standing in the commune, due to her relationship with Peter allowed her this freedom. Maggie had, after several months eventually made contact with her mother, feeling a sense of responsibility toward her and an irrational amount of guilt for leaving home. She had, from a very young age learnt to tend to her mother's needs. Ensuring that in times of intoxication she ate proper food and kept herself clean. Somehow, for reasons Maggie could not explain she could not find it within herself to walk away completely. As a result she would intermittently phone her but never revealing her whereabouts.
It was just around the time she turned eighteen years of age that she learnt that her mother had died. After the many years of drugs, drink and the numerous men she had finally taken the wrong one home. He had bashed her to death in a drunken, drug affected rage. Maggie had gleaned the information from her mother's landlady. She had been making one of her calls when instead of her mother, the landlady had picked up the phone and promptly relayed the news to her along with the number of a lawyer she would need to contact.
With her mother’s death came a small inheritance which amazed Maggie, her mother rarely, if ever thinking beyond her next drink or hit. It was not a great deal of money but enough to allow Maggie to leave the commune. She also received a sealed envelope marked to her personal attention.
Maggie went to the quiet privacy of her room to read the letter.
As she read Maggie faced the emotions of both anger and deep sorrow.
My Dearest Maggie
Please forgive me for all that you have had to endure, I know I was not a good mother. I failed you in every way but you know for all that, you were my baby and I did love you. I am able to write this because I am in a rare moment of sobriety – it’s at least two weeks since I had either drink or drugs, not out of choice but as a result of being locked up. I was working the corner when the police picked me up. I’d forgotten that I still had a stash in my pocket and that’s cost me three months. No matter, apart from feeding my addictions I have little else to live for anyway.
It’s hard to believe that I was once the toast of the town could have any man I wanted, live anywhere I desired, but that’s me. I made the wrong choice and look where I ended up instead.
Of all the things I did I regret what I did to you most but please try to understand, I needed the money. I just couldn’t live without the booze or the drugs and many of my men friends wanted more than just me, the cost of my addiction became you, please try to find it in your heart to forgive me.
I have enclosed a business card, this person is your father, please don’t contact him, he would only do to you what he did to me. I am giving this to you so that you know where you came from and, you never know you may one day need to know.
I’ve also included the name and address of my family. My father denied me any help when I got pregnant with you; he was ashamed and threw me out of his house. My mother and brothers were forbidden to ever have contact with me again. That’s just the way it was back then. To think how different it could have been if I had had the support I needed.
When you ran away I didn’t call the police, I missed you terribly but I knew it was far better to let you go. Give you some sort of a chance to make something of yourself.
Maggie I beg you don’t ever become like me, don’t do to your children what I have done to you.
Please have a wonderful life.
Your Mum.
Maggie's eyes filled with moisture. It was a moment of vulnerability before she said out loud, "No. It's too late. The damage is already done.”
The solicitor Maggie contacted was the same one who had defended her mother over the drug possession. He advised Maggie that it was during her mother's imprisonment that she had been clean enough to make a Will and ensure that, at least this information would be available to her daughter.
After reading the letter, Maggie once again contemplated her future and decided it was time to move on. Assuring an opportune time when she was alone and the community members occupied in the assembly area, she proceeded to the hiding place and retrieved the jar containing her papers. Hurriedly packing her belongings, she slipped on her jeans and a top. It was amazing that after three years they still fit her. Casting her commune clothes into a bin she hastily left through the front gates. It wasn't that for one moment she considered anyone would try and prevent her leaving. It was merely that she did not want any fuss nor the ordeal of lengthy farewells or pressures to postpone her departure. Even after all this time of living at the commune she had no emotional attachments to anyone or anything. Leaving it all behind was easy for her.
Making her way to the main roadway she wondered to herself how much the world would have changed. She was much older now and confident that coping with life and the decisions she would have to make would be easier than when she first arrived, she would not look back, no regrets with only the future ahead.
Upon reaching the main road and having no options but to hitchhike, Maggie stuck her thumb out and walked on determinedly. Presently she heard the sounds of a large semi-trailer changing down through its gears as it slowed to pull over to the side of the busy roadway. She ran to the door and as she opened it and climbed into the cabin, tossing her duffel to the floor, she chuckled while saying “Hello Bob, still picking up little girls then?”
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
