of her, both physically and mentally were minimal. He had, without passing judgment accepted all that she was and had been. Chris was simply an uncomplicated man whose needs were easily met and he took great joy in caring for Maggie, something she appreciated beyond words.
“OK, we’ll stay in and watch TV if you like.” This was exactly the response Maggie expected, "nothing like running true to form" she thought to herself.
Looking at Chris with an expression of contentment she smiled, "I have a far better idea, let’s go up to bed early and see if we can make a baby.”
Although Maggie and Chris had pined for a child, they had given up years before after repeated attempts at pregnancy had failed. Maggie had never practiced any form of birth control and now, at over thirty years of age considered any hopes of pregnancy as long gone. Her longing for motherhood had all but ceased and she resigned herself to the fact that she and Chris were now all that mattered. This was to be Maggie’s life and considering all she had faced and lived with over the years she was grateful and contented with what she had.
Since being married to Chris, Maggie had been involved in numerous affairs, always short lived and always she returned to Chris where she found safety. She would never have left him even if she had found another love; he was and would always remain the one constant in her life that really mattered. Theirs was a true friendship based on mutual need.
There were times when she simply needed to be with a man who could offer something other than Chris could ever provide. She yearned for subdued secretive conversation and a using of bodies through the act of physical passion. A sixty seconds and it’s all over approach was typically Chris. His own attitudes on life were deeply affected by the past events of his own childhood.
Maggie could never understand why she had such over-powering needs. She felt that her life and all she endured over the years should have had the opposite effect. Any feelings of guilt had long dissipated and with it the fight for redemption. In her heart she knew she could never hurt Chris and although careful with these encounters, would not forgo them. She had yearned for normalcy in life but for some reason it was beyond her grasp. The desire for an ordinary existence could not overcome her acts of self-destruction and she felt only brokenness within her soul. So much hurt for so long taking far too much away from her.
“Shall we have a glass or two before we go up?” asked Chris which was his usual awkward attempt at fore-play. “May make the mood a little more relaxed.”
“That’s a good idea; let's make a real night of it. Why don’t you pick out a movie and pour some wine, while I fix us a little something to snack on.” With that, Maggie prepared supper while Chris collected two glasses, selected a couple of bottles of red from the rack and poured the contents into a carafe, thus allowing the wine time to breathe.
Chris and Maggie settled down on the comfortable sofa in front of the television, a picture showing but the sound turned down to its lowest audible point. The light of the warm gas fire glowed in the room. As they sipped the wine and snacked, they talked about their time together. Chris as he always did, once again covered the usual topics, especially their early years and the freedom of being together without any responsibilities or cares. He had been a musician playing in a local rock band that traveled throughout remote country areas. Television was still a thing of the future for many in these communities and as a result the band always attracted large crowds. Entertainment was scarce and therefore much in demand.
As they talked Maggie recalled a strange woman whom they had met while performing in a small town deep in the South West of the state. “Do you remember her? She was the strangest person I have ever met and I’ve met some very interesting people.”
“Was she the old girl that said she was a witch, complained about our music being too loud?”
“That’s right,” said Maggie “remember the silly old girl said she had cast a spell over us.”
Chris then laughed loudly as he took Maggie’s hand. “I can feel a little magic right now, must be time.”
Maggie just smiled at her unsurprising and all so predictable husband. Chris led her up the stairs.
Chapter 9
- "This time it will be different" thought Maggie, "I won’t let him anywhere near me." -
“How long have you been feeling sick like this?” asked the Doctor.
“About a week now” said Maggie “just out of the blue, woke up feeling nauseated and had to rush to the bathroom.”
After conducting an array of tests, the doctor announced to Maggie that she was in fact in the early stages of pregnancy, “about 8 - 9 weeks” he said. Maggie was astounded, “pregnant, how…how can I be?”
Ivan, who had been Maggie’s doctor for a number of years held a special place in her life, gave a slight smile while saying “Maggie, you and I both know how and we know this shouldn’t have happened, especially with your background but it has. You must decide whether you will carry this child. I will refer you to a trusted associate who can take care of you, either way.”
Maggie left the surgery in a state of shock and dismay as she walked to the bus stop. "Why now?" she asked herself, "after all these years, the tears and the heartache, all the times spent waiting, hoping, and then the disappointments. Maggie felt bitterness tug at her heart as she absent mindedly let her hand rest on her stomach, knowing that finally, after all the years the child she longed for was now growing inside her.
Arriving home she picked up the telephone and dialed Chris's work number. Still in a state of shock she told him the news. He was at first speechless but then, as only he could, accepted that life had just dealt them another hand. Maggie was initially infuriated with his reaction having expected some sort of emotional response. Her anger quickly subsided as she thought to herself, “it’s just typical of Chris and he will never be any different. It's what makes him who he is.” Then suddenly in a moment of horror, a thought struck her. Had she been involved with anyone at that time, she couldn’t clearly remember but then felt sure she hadn’t.
Maggie made herself a hot cup of tea and sat on a comfortable, easy chair with her mind drifting back, back into the times of her childhood.
As she drifted she could still sense the smell of stale tobacco and alcohol on his breath, the things that were said, all of the horrible words. She could picture her mother leaning paralytically drunk against the wall, watching, knowing what was happening to her little girl but doing nothing to stop it. How many times and how many different men she could not remember nor did she want to. Somehow the smells always seemed the same. Most vivid in her memory was the repulsive odours and the pain inflicted on her young, immature body and the horrible sounds. The grunts and the groans, the foul words, always present, they never left her.
By the time Maggie reached thirteen years of age her innocence was long gone. A procession of men had come and gone as her mother found new drinking partners to share her life. None ever lasted for long and while some were kind, others were not. Maggie had learnt to accept whatever came her way and to make the most of the special uncles her mother brought home.
This means of survival lasted until her fifteenth birthday. Something changed in her that day, something that enabled her to say “Enough is enough.” Perhaps it had been the simple normality of the day.
Her mother had once been a stunning looking woman, the type that men would drool over, a renowned swim wear model in high demand for photo shoots and catwalk assignments. However, she made the mistake of becoming
