look down on others because of what they perceive to be the others’ failures and are always talking about other people or their own successes. We do not need to hang around these people. They addicted to winning the comparison game. Would we want to have such addicts as friends? Probably not. People can get so caught up in always trying to be better than someone else. This way of living is purely self-destructive because the person will never be good enough.
One of my very close friends drives an old truck, even though he does well financially. He is extremely unpretentious, and that’s why he is one of my good friends. I have others that also don’t play the comparison game. If you find yourself surrounded by people who are playing the game, just change the subject and walk away. You will find that once you become more aware of it, you’ll participate less, and life will become much easier and will flow much better.
So like my daughter, let’s celebrate the bronze medals we get in life as joyfully as the gold medals. Just living is worth celebrating! If we manage to do that, then we will find that we are much happier and will enjoy life so much more.
Chapter Six
The Road to Happiness Is Found by Focusing on What We Have
Our minds create many thoughts that can lead to our being unhappy. But, the key phrase here is “our minds create.” The thoughts and beliefs that we hold in our minds greatly impact everything about us.
Here in the United States and in most places in the developed world, people are consumed by consumerism. So much of our unhappiness comes from wishing that things were different, wishing that we had something else instead of what we do have.
I met a woman once who had a beautiful daughter. Although very happy with her daughter, the mother really wanted another child. Even though her husband loved her and her daughter loved her, the woman was so utterly unhappy because she didn’t have a second child. All her mental energy, all her mental commentary, went towards that focus, and because of that, she suffered greatly.
To those of us not in this woman’s situation, we may think her attitude unfortunate or odd, but that story holds a lesson I hope encourages all of us to spend some time, maybe even stop at this very moment, to reflect upon: “In my own life, what am I focused on that I don’t have?” I can guarantee that if we focus on what we don’t have, we’re going to be unhappy and we’re going to suffer. Our unhappiness can stem from anything that we’re focusing on. Maybe we think we’ll be happy when we lose those extra fifty pounds. Maybe happiness will come when we reach a certain financial level or get that promotion. Maybe we’ll finally be happy when we meet our soul mate and begin a new life together. Or maybe, as in the example of the woman with only one daughter, we think when we have a child, then we’ll finally be happy. The list can become endless because, the second that we fulfill one of our desires, a new one takes its place, and so we just continue to suffer.
In many ways, our lives are like that of King Sisyphus from Greek mythology. He was sentenced to the eternal punishment of rolling a large boulder up a hill. Every time he pushed it to the top, the boulder would roll back down, and he would have to start all over again; it never ended for him. I think sometimes our minds are like that; they just don’t stop wanting. No matter what we desire or wish for, at any age, something else will come along very quickly, and we’ll say, “Now I want that.” It’s almost shocking if you think about it, and it can continue throughout our lives. Young children just can’t wait to get presents on their birthdays or at Christmas. But quickly, often shockingly fast, they tire of their new toys and go on to something else. Does this ever change? As we get older, we our new toys become bigger and grander, like a new car, a new spouse, a new home, and yet we tire of them quickly and move on. We want something different, something more. We’re unhappy with what we have, and we’re always yearning after something different.
So how do we get off this continuous and debilitating wheel of suffering? Is there any freedom from our Sisyphean task of living our lives? Yes, there is, and it’s actually shockingly simple. All we have to do is be happy with what we have. Again, this is so important I want you to hear that again:
All we have to do is be happy and be focused on what we have right here, right now.
But how do we do this in our daily life when our minds very quickly return to thinking about what we don’t have? First, we must realize this type of focusing is not going to help us. We have to believe that focusing on what we don’t have is going to cause us suffering. And we must believe that concentrating on what we do have and are blessed with right now is going to put a smile on our faces. In many ways, this is as powerful as E = MC2 and just as beautiful and simple. All we have to do is be happy with what we have and not think about what we don’t have. It’s that simple yet also elegant and beautiful.
As we think about this, we have to realize that this changed philosophy of ours isn’t going to make the consumer marketers and advertisers of the world very happy. They spend billions of dollars trying to get us to be unhappy with how things are now—so we’ll feel “less than”—and we’ll want something different. Otherwise, we’re not going to spend money to buy what they’re selling.
I don’t blame only the marketers and advertisers for our continual wanting. We’re as guilty as they are. We do the same thing to ourselves by thinking about what other people have, such as success or love or whatever it may be. And because we’re thinking about what they have and what we don’t have, we become unhappy. Instead, what if we focused on what we had? What if we focused on the beautiful things that we have in our lives? Some of us may have less than others, but we ALL can still have a beautiful life.
Even those who have very little can be happy. I’ve seen this when I’ve spent time at monasteries and gotten to know many who live there. When you choose to live a monastic life, you give up just about everything, and I do mean pretty much everything. Yet these people who live such simple lives are often the happiest people I have ever met. They can have virtually nothing in the form of material possessions, and they can still focus on what they do have—a love of life right here, right now—and they’re happy.
So why can’t we do the same? Why can’t we focus on what we do have? We can!
We might not have the nicest house in the neighborhood, but maybe we have a beautiful family living in that house. Maybe we don’t feel very well physically sometimes, but we are free and able to go for lots of walks in nature, and we can enjoy being outside. Maybe we haven’t yet found the love of our life, but we have awesome friends who care about us and spend time with us. The list of what we do have can go on for a long time if we start focusing on exactly that, what we do have, and celebrate it.
Thinking about what we do have and appreciating it as we engage with it makes all the difference in gaining that elusive happiness, This doesn’t have to involve a lot of effort. Just going for a walk in the early morning when everything is peaceful and still can bring us happiness beyond our wildest imagination. Being with friends, connecting with them, and loving them can be more satisfying than staying at the most expensive, grand hotel in the world. The list of what we do have and can focus on goes on and on. By proactively realizing that we need to focus on what we have and stop focusing on what we don’t have, we’ll discover one of the key secrets of happiness: We gain happiness right here, right now by focusing on what we have.
Be happy with what we have and stop focusing on what we don’t have. Once we do this, then we can live a beautiful, happy, fulfilled life.
Chapter Seven
Where Are the Hippies and How Is the Media Powerful?
In the 1960s, our world became wealthier and in response, the hippie
