water we thrive. But when we’re put in dark places or surrounded by contaminated dirt or deprived of nourishing water, we shrivel, suffer, and maybe die. A similar thing happens on a psychological level.
I remember once reading a study about children who were allowed to eat whatever they wanted from the choices given them, which did not include sugary foods. They naturally ate a balanced diet; the children knew intrinsically what their bodies needed. But they were not allowed to have any sugar because they would not have listened to their bodies and eaten a healthy meal.
As long as we take the time to figure out what our needs are, what fills us up and makes us happy (much as the flower is happy with sunshine, good soil, and clean water), then we will make sure we get them. We know what we need to remain balanced.
Happiness is really a very simple way to approach life. When instead we stock our life full of activities, television, things that distract us from our internal selves or with addictions like drugs, alcohol, work, constant busyness, then we don’t really know what we need. The first step towards flowing naturally with life is to simplify our lives. We have to slow down and ask, “What do I need?”
By having moments of stillness, we often see what we need, which may not be constant over our lifetime. We need to remain open to learning of new needs as they can change in time. For example, for many years, I worked three long days and then took four days off. Later in my life, I realized it was time for me to change that schedule and work five normal days. Now, as I continue to get older, I’ve learned that my life flows much better when my activities and work are completed earlier and don’t extend too late in the evenings. So now I’m in the process of slowing down my practice and not working as late. But I came to these discoveries by checking in every now and then to see how I was doing. If we don’t take time to assess how we’re doing in the flow of life, then we don’t know what we need and likely won’t get it.
What we really need to work towards is finding our flow right now when our lives aren’t too full of activities. What do we need to make our day, our moments, go well? The answer is going to be very simple. Happiness has a flow to it that relates to who we are. For example, if someone is very passionate about the arts but is working in the medical field, then the person needs to find ways to make his or her work more artistic or change to a different field. Doing something for the sake of money or for making other people proud of us does not translate into our being happy. We create suffering and unhappiness for ourselves. We’re not going to change this overnight. But by saying, “What naturally is good for me, fills me up, and puts a smile on my face?” starts us on the right path, working towards greater happiness.
For example, having an affair might feel good at the time, but all the pain and suffering it’s going to cause isn’t worth that moment of pleasure. It won’t make us smile in the end. Instead, coming home, spending time with the people we love, letting them know how much we love them, and making time for these relationships that are important to us will have a flow to it. It’s going to go well and make us happy.
Spending time in nature is a great way to get that flow in life because nature is simple, beautiful, and rejuvenating. It demands nothing of us but fills us up with positive feelings and a restful mood after we’re in it. It helps us feel better. When we go on vacation, if it’s a natural, relaxing vacation, we come back feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to continue our life of work and serving others.
Life goes best when we flow with it, even in the process of helping and caring for others. If we like something and it’s important to us, we should make time to take part in it. For example, if we enjoy building things with our hands, we should take time out of our everyday lives and build something. An example could be working with Habitat for Humanity where we can build homes for people. If we hate working with money, then we probably shouldn’t volunteer helping an organization keep its books. Spending our free time doing something we dislike is counterproductive to finding happiness and working in our flow.
A lot of life is working towards our flow. It’s simple. We do things every day that are good for us and don’t require a lot of strain or anxiety. It’s about asking, “What works for me? What is just naturally good for my soul?” and listening closely to our honest answers. If we love gardening, then we have to make time to garden, and that should be a big part of our lives. If we love nature and animals, then we should be involved with them. Find what resonates with us, what satisfies us, what sparks our passion. What activity or interest adds to us and doesn’t take away from us?
How do we discover what we love to do? An easy way to determine this is to ask, “After I do this activity, in the long term, do I feel better or do I feel worse?” We have to figure out what satisfies us in the end and not just in the fleeting moment. The short-lived pleasure ultimately causes us pain, and we want to avoid that. It could be something like coming home, unwinding with a couple of glasses of wine, and watching mindless shows on TV. Another example could be coffee every morning to get our day started.
We’re looking for the flow that works best for us right now that we don’t have to fight. If we’re not a morning person, then we need to move in the direction of making our lives less dictated by mornings. Or if we’re not an evening person, our days can wind down earlier. Again, we have to first figure out what works for us so we can find the best rhythm for our lives.
Once you have that answer then work in the direction of making these things happen. That can seem overwhelming at first, but here’s a 5 percent rule that can be helpful. Just make a 5 percent improvement at a time, and soon enough, that 5 percent becomes 100 percent change. If we take on a monumental task, especially in changing ourselves, it overwhelms us, and we often quit before we’ve barely begun. But if we move in the right direction and do a little bit at a time, we make incremental changes and success. We see we are making a difference, feel internally rewarded, and continue making advances.
For example, we say, “Hey, I’m going to go to bed ten or fifteen minutes earlier at night by so I’ll wake up in the morning a little bit more refreshed.” Or perhaps we say, “I’m not ready to give up my two glasses of wine in the evening for a walk. Instead, I’ll start walking on the weekends. I’ll go around the neighborhood for a block or so, make that my normal routine, and then carry it over to the weekday.” With little changes that you gradually increase, you will see that you will have moved into the direction of having some great self-care and flowing with life.
In flowing with life, we flow with happiness. This is an easy way to increase the things in our lives that are good for us. Know that they are simple things, like walking. By making room in our lives for these simple activities, we must say no to some other things, which are not enhancing our lives. Part of flowing with life is a simple life, one not cluttered with activity.
What I’ve done in my own life is to say no to things all the time. I am regularly invited to social events, give talks to groups, visit, be part of the media, and so on, but I say no to them quite often. I do this because I’ve learned that for my life to flow well I need time for walks. I excuse myself by simply saying, “I’m busy.” And that is the truth. That busyness might be that I’m spending time with my kids. That busyness might be that I’m meditating. Or it might be that I’m walking the beach. People accept that simple “I’m busy,” and in return, I can stay with my flow and remain happy.
You can do this too.
Flowing is good for us. We have to listen to our bodies, listen to our souls, and flow with life so that happiness can settle on our shoulders like a butterfly.
Chapter Eleven
Meditation: The Path Away from Addiction
Why are addictions so powerful? Why do we turn to them? How we can turn away from them, as we must, because of the
