happy.” When that’s our goal, because happiness stands alone and it doesn’t need anything else, then guess what will happen? We’ll end up being happy, right here, right now.
Chapter Nine
Living Today vs. “Someday I’ll . . .”
The person who normally cuts my hair got sick, so I had to get a new hair stylist. I found Lisa, and her salon was right next to my office, so I went there and we started talking. It was quickly apparent that this woman loves what she does. The longer we talked, the more this was confirmed. Even as a young child, she wanted to cut hair. That’s all she ever wanted to do—cut hair and eventually open her own salon, which she obviously did. She is absolutely passionate about what she does.
As she snipped and cut, she told me her mom had once told her that about 90 percent of people who go to work hate what they do, and they do it just because it’s a job and what they have to do to make money. Lisa decided then and there, as a child, that she didn’t want to be a part of that 90 percent. She chose to cut hair because she just really loves doing it.
Lisa’s story is a good story for us to focus on because we hear so many people often say the opposite, “Someday I’ll . . . live” or “Someday I’ll . . . enjoy life.” So many say things like, “I’ll work hard right now, make lots of money, have lots of prestige, lots of fame [or whatever it may be], and then someday I’ll enjoy life, someday I’ll start living.” Many people do this, and it’s very sad because they’re missing out on living life right here, right now.
This “someday” way of life doesn’t bring us happiness mainly because we can never be sure that reaching our goal will bring us the happiness we assume it will. It might not. However, if we do what we love and we’re passionate about it, whether we reach our goals or not, we’re going to be happy all along the journey. Life and happiness are about enjoying the journey.
I’m not sure if Lisa’s mom was right about the percentages. But I do think many people go to work just because they have to, or they’re working hard right now so that someday they’ll reap the rewards of all of their labor. The thing is, though, there just aren’t any guarantees in life. We don’t know how long we’re going to live—we might never see that “someday.” And even if we reach our goals, we don’t know whether getting there will indeed make us happy. But if we do find happiness only after working hard to reach our goal, we still will have sacrificed having all that joy along the way—including time with those we love. That can have dire consequences on the relationships in our lives. Plus, chasing after tomorrow can cause a lot of health problems.
Let me share another story that illustrates my point. The person who normally cuts my hair, Ingrid, once told me about a couple who was so wealthy that they did everything to the nth degree. Ingrid knew them through her husband, who is a successful photographer. He took pictures for this couple’s wedding, and they asked Ingrid and her husband to come along on the cruise afterward to photograph their honeymoon. While they were on this elaborate cruise, the newly married woman ordered Beluga caviar. She became so upset when she tasted it because she said it wasn’t Beluga caviar and let this incident spoil the honeymoon for her. Obviously, having a lot of money doesn’t necessarily bring happiness.
What does bring happiness is enjoying today, enjoying right now, enjoying the journey of our life. On the other hand, what can keep us from enjoying our life’s journey is that little phrase, “Someday I’ll be happy”—“Someday I’ll be rich and then happy” or “Someday I’ll be successful and happy” or “Someday I’ll find the love of my life and be happy.” It’s not wrong to have goals and to work towards them. But our goals shouldn’t keep us from living life and doing what we love right now. We can do both.
I know not everyone has an ideal job, but since we spend so much time doing work, there are ways we can enjoy it a little bit more. If we’re a stay-at-home mom, let’s do things that we enjoy and not make everything about sacrificing for our kids. If we go to a job that’s laborious, one that’s hard on us, let’s find a way to enjoy it. Let’s enjoy our lunches, let’s enjoy the people we work with, and let’s bring things that make our work better and more pleasant for us. Whatever we are doing, let’s enjoy it to the fullest, instead of saying, “Someday I’ll enjoy this.”
None of us knows how long we have on Earth. There are absolutely no guarantees with life. Of course, we don’t want to live so fully that we end up becoming homeless and not working. That would be silly. However, it’s a matter of finding that balance. Let’s enjoy what we do while we work. That’s the key to whatever we’re doing in life. The relationship we’re in, can we make it better? The job that we do, can we improve it? A little bit of improvement over time can drastically affect our overall life. When we meet people like Lisa, who passionately love what they do, we realize that happiness isn’t always about how much money they make. It’s far more about doing what they love, loving what they do, and loving life. That’s the secret of happiness—loving life now and not “someday.”
I know that sometimes we’re in very difficult situations in life. We may be in prison; we may be diagnosed with cancer; we may be unemployed. Many negative things that can happen to us. But even in those challenging times, there is always something beautiful to be with. Be with that something beautiful. Yes, work towards remedying the negative that’s going on, but when we’ve done our part, then we need to relax and just enjoy what is. There’s always something beautiful to be with; let’s be with that.
Here are the key elements.
1.We just don’t know how long we have to live, so let’s not put off living fully today in the hope for a better tomorrow. Let’s live today to the utmost.
2.Let’s always realize that, no matter what’s happening, there is always something beautiful to be with.
If we believe these two things, then we’ll look for and find these beautiful things to be with right here, right now, even with the challenges we face in our everyday life. The important thing is to live now and stop waiting for “Someday I’ll . . .”
“Someday I’ll . . .” may never come. But if we enjoy the journey of our life and work towards our goals, what will happen is that, even if we don’t reach them, we will have a good life.
Chapter Ten
Finding Happiness by Flowing with Life
Part of finding happiness in our lives means that we have to understand who we are, where we stand, what our nature is, what our interests and passions are, and then making these part of our lives.
For example, I love nature, I love being outside, but my work as a psychologist normally occurs inside. So when I get up in the morning, I go for a walk. Then on my way to work, I stop along the beach and go for a longer walk. Whenever I have breaks between clients, I go for another walk. You’ll often see me outside enjoying nature. Life flows well for me and filters into the rest of my life when I’m in nature, when I’m outside. This can be walking in the neighborhood, along a park, or on the beach.
Unfortunately, I see many people don’t flow with life. Rather, they fight life. They could be working towards some goal, academic or professional, and because they’re working so hard towards it, they put aside their flow, their natural love and passions, in order to reach this goal. Others get caught up in some addiction—alcohol, drugs, or relationships—instead of doing things that are good for them. In both of these situations, we suffer because we’re not flowing with life. We’re not keeping our life simple and engaging in activities that fill us up.
Imagine for a moment
