is appealing about your personality, you limit your potential. If you do not know much about him you may not use your tools effectively, or worse, use the wrong ones and turn him off completely. To make him fall in love with you, you need to know what arouses the feeling of love within him. Conquer his every thought by reaching to his subconscious and allow him to indulge in his deepest desires. Change his direction and create memorable experiences. Be sure to test him before treading the boards of a new relationship. He has created barriers around his heart; to gain access you need to find ways to penetrate his defences, so he surrenders his heart wilfully.
To dazzle him, see reality for what it is. Step outside your comfort zone. When you meet a man, you need to first get inside his head. Your attention should be taken away from yourself and focused on his mind. Gain information about him so you can devise a plan specific to him. The true key to charm is feeding what has been repressed or denied. What attracts him is your effort, showing how much you care. Leaving things to chance can result in a disaster, as you can make many mistakes.
Falling in love is a matter of psychology. Each relationship is special and intimate in its own way and there are no templates. Therefore, you need to deal with every person differently. Start by getting to grips with who he is. How else can you tell if he is right for you? What works with one guy may not work for another. Remember, people do not all love in the same ways or show they care in the same ways. Never assume that everyone expresses their love in a similar manner.
The man you idealise is more complex than the mask he hides behind, pretending to be more confident than he actually is. Never mistake his appearance for reality. He hides his insecurities and feelings of confusion and emptiness to protect his fragile ego. Appearances are deceptive. Though you may judge him by his face or clothes, never mistake his outward appearance for reality. He may be disguising his true feelings and showing you a reflection of the part of his character with which he is most in tune with. It is impossible to fully understand what is important to him, as he may either be lying to protect himself or even lying to himself.
What is it that motivates and interests him? Information depends on a keen eye for detail and requires digging deeper than the information he provides you. He may not be direct in telling you what he wants, maybe because he is too afraid. At times he will tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, but how can you differentiate between the two? An angry facade may hide that he is dying for warmth. A repressed type may actually be struggling to conceal uncontrollable emotions. A calm exterior may point to a highly emotional and aggressive individual who is putting up a front to hide his insecurities and weaknesses. Men who are outwardly distant or shy are often longing to be drawn out and are easier to catch than extroverts. The greatest void all men feel is the lack of excitement and adventure. If he has repressed his appetite for pleasure, he is an easy target.
Once you understand his psychology, identify what he is looking for. Can you see him as his ideal self? Is the ideal he is searching for a part of your character, or someone you want to be? If the answers to these questions are yes, you can both enjoy a fruitful relationship, with time and patience. If he cannot offer you what you need, move on. There is no point in faking a relationship or pretending to be someone you are not, just to satisfy him.
Learn the Art of Listening
The first duty of love is to listen. –Paul Tillich
Listening is the way to enter his spirit and lure him out of self-obsession. Rather than volunteer information, try to understand him by listening to him. Understand what makes him lose his ability to think straight and to fall for you. Armed with such information, you can provide him with focused and individualised attention, a rare commodity in the world. Rather than judge him, try to figure out why he acts the way he does. Most people will see him only from behind the screen of their own prejudices. Avoid clouding your attention with assumptions about what he is trying to say, what he really means, or what he wants you to do. Assumptions are often inaccurate and prevent you from focusing on what is being said. Truly listening helps you to collect data and stop the assumptions; as long as you are assuming, you are not listening. Ask questions and clarify what he says; this makes you an active, interested listener.
Acting on assumptions is dangerous. Do not try to impress him, especially without gathering specific data; maybe he does not like the image you are trying to present. He will not always tell you who he is. What he will say is what he wants you to believe, either to fool you, to benefit from you, or out of insecurity. Make him aware that you are listening as well as understanding exactly what he is saying.
Getting under his skin is the first step to attracting him to the beauty of your soul. True listening is the ability to hear him without judging him. Make him feel safe in your presence by allowing him to feel that he is truly accepted. This makes him feel wonderful. Totally engage yourself in him as if he is the most fascinating person you have ever met, and watch as his comfort levels increase. There is no better gift than providing him with your undivided attention. Relate to him and receive his full heart and trust by showing a support by being an open and neutral listener. This will allow him to find respite in your presence. Do not pretend to listen or agree with him superficially. He will probably sense that you are waiting for an opportunity to say what you have reviewed in your head while he was talking, which creates a bad impression. Do not change the subject, as it may appear that you are not listening. Make comments about the same subject if he stops or pauses. Listening is your opportunity to collect information on him. Do not miss the critical signs imperative to attracting him. Develop the ability to listen with your whole body and soul. Pay attention to the tone of his voice, his gestures, any offhand comments he makes, nervous movements as he talks, and particularly to anything he denies or feels uncomfortable discussing with you, or anything that makes him emotional. All these things are communicating a message to you.
Look beyond his social exterior rather than at his obvious traits, and do not focus on his character flaws. Do not hold on to what he says but rather concentrate on what he means. If his actions and words are not consistent, then in most cases the words become less reliable. Everyone is guilty of lying to themselves at some stage in their lives. Do not take his words at face value. His actions signal to the details of what he is lacking, as they escape his conscious control.
Pinpoint his weaknesses and the feelings he most enjoys. Most importantly, learn to analyse emotional responses and see what lies behind them. If he is defensive, what is he getting defensive about? Many statements he makes or especially overemphasises on may in fact be the opposite of what he means. This could be because he is hiding the disappointment of not quite getting what he wanted or wants. If he hates something, he hates something that is part of him. Do you see his weakness? Look out for the slip of the tongue, often called a Freudian slip. Freud explained that what people say are clues to subconscious conflicts. He was interested in the jokes his clients told. In fact, he felt that almost everything had a meaning. It was a serious source of study for him to decode the meaning behind dialling a wrong number, making a wrong turn or even misspelling a word.
Listen closely for recurring themes and stories he is telling you. Everything means something, his shopping habits, the clothes he wears, his taste in decoration, his jobs and hobbies. Familiarise yourself with his greatest loves, hates and dreams, they are all full of meaning. What does he say about the things he enjoys? Why does he enjoy them? Look at the books that he reads (or pretends he is reading). Do not only listen to his spoken words, analyse his body language too. Take it all in, his body language, what he says and how he says it. Read and analyse his attitude and emotions. Action speaks louder than words, and so many of us hold on to words.
WHAT DRIVES HIM?
We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are. – Anais Nin
To the outside world the person you are interested in may seem strong and in control of his life, but he
