will “know what to do” and will “do the right thing” with the deceased person’s assets. Still others want to leave certain family members $1 because they think doing so will prevent the family member from bringing a lawsuit against the estate. There are dozens of these ideas being passed from person to person.
Unfortunately, none of these are particularly good ideas in terms of using the law to protect your estate and family. Though you may have heard of a case in which it appears that a rule or idea applied and worked a certain way, it does not mean that the same thing would happen to you in your case.
For example, look at a case where there was a question about whether child support paid by a divorced father should continue on after the divorced father’s death. In that case, it turned out that the estate of the deceased father did not have to pay any support after the child turned 18 years old. That was the right decision for that case, but not necessarily for yours. You should not take it as a general rule that no divorced father’s estate ever has to pay support past age 18, because quite often that is not the case. It all depends on the specific facts of each case.
To add to the confusion, laws dealing with wills vary from place to place. There is no one set of laws about wills that applies to everyone, everywhere. Also, laws change over time as governments move with the times or respond to public demand, making it even harder to know what is true at any given time.
The person who assumes that he or she knows the law in detail and knows how it applies to him or her without even looking into it through reliable sources is not doing anybody any favors. He or she will never know about the mistake in the will because the mistake will have no effect until the person dies. However, the spouse, children, or siblings left behind will certainly be forced to deal with that mistake after the person has passed away.
It is always a mistake to rely on secondhand legal advice that was tailored to someone else’s specifics. This includes listening to a friend or co-worker who saw a lawyer about his or her own situation and then tells you about it later, even though his or her situation seems similar to your own.
Legal advice is very fact-specific, meaning it changes from one situation to another depending on the facts of the case. Sometimes only a tiny difference between one person’s estate and another can make a difference in the legal advice given. Your situation is not identical to anyone else’s. Relying on someone else’s secondhand legal advice is similar to taking medicine that is prescribed for another person; it can do more harm than good.
If you see a lawyer or accountant who gives you planning advice and for any reason you do not find the advice believable or correct, you can do the same thing you would with medical advice, which is seek a second opinion.
Basing your decisions on anecdotes, or stories about what happened to one particular individual, is always questionable. Making legal decisions this way can be downright dangerous. For every story you may hear about an estate that went smoothly without a will, there are 50 more stories that deliver the opposite message.
5. Being Too Busy
The term “sandwich generation” applies to many people reading this book. The sandwich generation refers to people, usually in their 40s or 50s, who have children at home to look after as well as aging parents to look after. They are “sandwiched” between the twin responsibilities of looking after children and looking after parents. They also have jobs and homes, marriages and social lives to look after. Part of being in that position is always being busy and having too many demands on their time.
A person in this situation will often say that he or she does not have time to review current documents, find a lawyer, have a meeting with the lawyer, look at draft documents, and then see the lawyer again to sign the will. He or she will say that there is no time to look for documents and gather statements. Sometimes people put off the planning until some undetermined future time when they believe they will be less busy, not realizing, or perhaps not caring, that with this approach, that future time will never arrive.
The trick to fitting extra activities into an already busy life is scheduling. We all manage to fit in the annual vacation, birthdays, time off for illness, dental appointments, etc., even though each of those things is not part of our regular day. If those things can be slotted in, so can estate planning. There is nothing wrong with making an appointment with a lawyer weeks in advance, as long as you have a reliable system of keeping track of appointments so that you do not forget about it.
Another idea for fitting estate planning into a busy schedule is to break down a large project into smaller, bite-size pieces to avoid the feeling of being overwhelmed. This is one of the reasons some people like to write lists before beginning a task; it helps them feel in control of the task. You just need to accomplish one small, first step in order to feel that you have made a start and that the project is not so intimidating.
Instead of thinking “I must get my estate planning done,” break it down. Start with one of the following suggestions (tailored to your situation, of course):
• “I’ll ask around at work to see if anyone can recommend a good wills lawyer.”
• “I’ll ask my friend, Rob, which lawyer did his will for him.”
• “I’ll get my old will out of the safe deposit box, dust it off, and read it to remind myself of what I did last time.”
• “I’ll collect all of my bank statements, investment statements, and the deed to my house so that I know which assets I’m dealing with.”
• “I’ll make a list of my spouse and children’s full names and birth dates to get ready for an appointment with the lawyer.”
• “I’ll read my shareholders’ agreement for my business to see what it says about my share of the business on my passing away.”
• “I’ll call the lawyer and make an appointment.”
It is probably a good idea to write down the steps you plan to take in a list so that you can check off each one as you do it.
If you are a busy person, understand that you might not get your estate planning done in as brief a time as someone else might. That is a fact of your life, and is perfectly acceptable as long as the process is begun and eventually finished. Allow yourself reasonable time so that you do not feel pressured.
6. Not Wanting to Give up Control
The question of giving up control shows up more in incapacity planning than it does in will planning, though people do worry about it in both situations. Most parents are startled or dismayed at even hearing the words that their son or daughter is prepared to take control of the family home, business, cottage, banking, or investments. Nobody likes to feel as if they are being pushed aside, particularly when it is their own money and future that are being discussed.
You should realize that one of the biggest stressors for parents is the fear that once the documents are in place, the children will simply do whatever they want, without consulting the parents or following the parents’ financial values. Whether or not this is a realistic fear is irrelevant to how parents might feel.
For example, many parents feel that they have spent a lifetime saving money and investing conservatively to help their nest egg grow. They feel that they have done alright for themselves doing things a certain, usually conservative, way. They worry that should the children be put in charge, the children might invest speculatively or foolishly or spend frivolously, thereby wasting all those years of
