to eat healthily and try not to rely on stress or sleep medications. Maintain proper nutrition. Convenience foods can be prepared and eaten quickly, and seem like the perfect answer for busy caregivers, yet such prepackaged products are often full of unhealthy preservatives. If you think you have no time, prepare a number of slow-cooker meals and portion them into individual servings, then freeze them. Defrosting each meal in the microwave only takes a few minutes. Take a container of frozen stew with you to work in the morning — it will be thawed by lunch. Stock a bowl of fresh fruit on your kitchen counter. Keep your top desk drawer at work stocked with extra granola bars, cheese and crackers, or nuts for afternoon snacks. You could involve your family members with meal preparation, on a rotating basis.
When you eat dinner, make it a point to sit down at the table with someone else. Doing so will encourage you to slow down and converse with another person. Yes, I confess to having eaten out of the cooking pot. When eating, multitasking is not recommended. If you have children, you may well discourage them from playing at or straying from the table until they are finished eating, so why should it be any different for you? Help yourself relax and set a positive example for any children at the same time. Wait until you finish your meal before you make a phone call, concentrate on tomorrow’s schedule, or read that doctor’s report.
Before you rush out the door in the morning, ensure you eat something nourishing. Pour yourself a bowl of cereal, sprinkle some berries or nuts into yogurt, or spread peanut butter over toast. You’ll find that doing this doesn’t delay you excessively and you’ll have far more energy to tackle the day ahead. In a pinch, grab a piece of fruit and tuck it into your jacket pocket for a snack later. Your body requires fuel to drive it.
Remaining hydrated is also important. Make sure you are drinking enough water for your weight and fitness level because it will help you stay hydrated and help reduce toxins inside your body. No matter whether you work in a high-rise office tower or in your home’s second bedroom, one good recommendation is to keep a water bottle on your desk. On warmer days, drink more frequently to avoid dehydration. To help measure your intake, keep a large bottle of water in your refrigerator. Aim to drink all of it and refill the bottle on a daily basis.
Insomnia was a dreaded enemy for me and had obvious spinoff effects. I was exhausted the next day when I didn’t, or couldn’t, sleep restfully at night. Being tired greatly affected my concentration and performance levels with work and school. There were times I would have to ask for someone to repeat a question or thought, simply because I had missed it. While there are over-the-counter sleep aids available from your local pharmacy, consider other, more natural options before you begin relying on medication to soothe you to sleep.
Options that helped me sleep included avoiding eating half an hour to one hour prior to bedtime, using heavier curtains to darken my bedroom, and going to bed at the same time each night. I also experimented with a sleep hypnosis CD, which proved to be somewhat effective. You could also try turning down your heat or opening the window to allow your bedroom to become more chilled.
If you must have something to drink, avoid alcohol. Instead, sip a relaxing non-caffeinated herbal tea before turning in for the night. Try meditating or practicing yoga. While I briefly considered wearing earplugs to bed so as to block any outside noise and encourage me to doze, I realized that those earplugs could also block the ringing telephone, calling me to immediate duty. Move the television set out of your bedroom as well. Watching disturbing movies or news will not help you get a peaceful sleep.
You can also help yourself get much-needed rest by replacing an aging mattress or box spring. An effective mattress should be firm enough to provide support, yet still be comfortable. An older bed frame will also squeak whenever you move during the night, thus potentially keeping you awake. If cost is an issue, regularly flip your mattress over and invest in a good pillow.
Furthermore, when the human body is worn down, it becomes more prone to sickness. While I am no doctor, I fully recognize the importance of self-care for a caregiver and, even long after my parents are gone, I still preach this concept. It can be a very tired cliché, but it rings true nontheless: How can you care for someone else if you cannot care for yourself? I will repeat that continuously throughout this book. Nothing is more vital. When you are sick, you are little or absolutely no use to your loved one. In fact, when you are physically with your parents, you will pose a greater risk to them as germs may transfer.
Remember, your parents and their neighbours in care facilities are older and have weaker immune systems than you. If you are ill, it is not a time to be visiting. You will be more of a hindrance than a help. Quarantine yourself until you are better. If you must visit, wash your hands before and after you visit. You can also keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in your vehicle’s glove compartment.
You may also feel depressed. This is a natural response, and you should not be ashamed of this. While a particular disease may be out of your complete scope of understanding, whatever you can do as a caregiver is very much appreciated. You are only human. As a caregiver, you cannot dart into the nearest telephone booth to change into your “superhuman” costume! With doing whatever you can, you are remaining realistic as well as helping both your loved one and the care staff involved.
Caregiving most often falls on the shoulders of a daughter. By their assumed nature, women are perceived to be more nurturing and make very good caregivers. Therefore, as a male, I was more of a rarity; but males are just as capable of providing care for a loved one. Thankfully, this understanding is becoming more socially acknowledged.
One must recognize and appreciate that the types and levels of care will differ between men and women. Celebrate these differences and allow for caregivers to function where they feel most comfortable. Men are equally able to serve as a guardian or trustee, to deliver a meal, to drive a senior to a medical appointment, or to accompany a loved one on a walk. Society has long portrayed the man as the strong provider; however, it is important to recognize that men have feelings too. While a man may hide his tears in public, he is equally able to cry. If you are a male caregiver, do not bottle up your emotions.
When I found myself bottling up my feelings, I compared myself to a pressure cooker — where the lid could pop off at any time without notice. In other words, bottling may lead a person to blow up in anger at the most inopportune moments and at someone who may not understand your situation. Find an outlet to reduce the stress. While I never found a support group strictly for male caregivers, I did ensure I found other means to relax. I shared with my sisters, I read, I went to the gym, and I went for long walks.
While caregiving is not all turmoil, you must find something that works for you as an escape. You cannot burn the candle at both ends for long before the candle burns through. Take some time for you and never feel guilty for doing so. This is far easier said than done; however, you will retain your own sanity and not become a martyr.
One of the best things you can do for yourself and for your loved one is to watch for your own signs of stress or other unusual reactions. Pay attention to your own body and note when someone remarks that you are acting out of the ordinary. Monitor these observations and record them on paper so you will not forget them. If things become unbearable, see your family doctor for a medical diagnosis. Take your notes with you so you will have something to refer to.
At the end of this book you will find a worksheet entitled Scheduling “Me” Time to help you make sure you take some time for yourself.
3. What Kind of Caregiver Are You?
With the many unique situations and surrounding circumstances, I have yet to find a template that all caregivers could follow. Resources, such as this book, can only provide guidance; what your experience will become is yours and yours alone.
People vary considerably with personalities, abilities, mannerisms,
