What can you do?
• How much can you do?
• Why are certain issues or projects important for you to manage?
• What do you want to do?
• How do you want to accomplish this?
• Who can help you?
• Can you work well with others or do you prefer to work independently?
• Can you lessen your load and delegate work to others?
It is perfectly natural to feel uncomfortable performing certain tasks. If you understand your caregiving style, you will be far better prepared to tackle every task that comes your way, and decide whether to leave it or delegate the task to someone else. You do not — and should not — always have to juggle everything yourself. How you approach your own caregiving role is always your own way so don’t let anyone tell you what is best for you and your loved one. It’s time to do an honest self-evaluation to identify your own caregiving characteristics. Good caregiving characteristics are described by Anne Togher in her informative article, “What is Your Caregiver Style?,” published in October of 2009. (To read the article, search online using the title.) The following sections cover my experience on caregiving characteristics, which is a variation on Togher’s caregiving characteristics.
You will likely recognize yourself as one, or a combination of, the following caregiving types. As you will see, there is no cookie-cutter caregiver. You may well identify with different character traits and not neatly slide into just one category. The trick is to know what you are best at and proceed accordingly.
At the end of this book you will find a Caregiving Self-Analysis worksheet to help you identify your strengths and weaknesses as a caregiver.
3.1 Independent caregiver
Are you determined, motivated, and stubborn? Do you want to tackle everything yourself? Do you feel resistance when it comes to sharing the work, or doubtful that anyone could exceed your own expectations? If so, you will likely want to do everything required by yourself.
So-called independent caregivers may feel, and appear, confident as they are handling the important affairs; however, they will be stretched to the limits and must become more flexible. Independent caregivers, more so than other types of caregivers, can be called on at a moment’s notice.
3.2 Sharing caregiver
If you are able to collaborate, are able to balance the responsibilities of your own life and those of caregiving, and are team-oriented, then you may be a sharing caregiver. Having another family member or two available to handle what needs to get done increases balance and is more advantageous for all parties involved. It’s always easier to carry a heavy load with assistance. This works best if the family members live relatively close to each other and to the parent.
My younger sister and I live in separate cities, three hours apart. Travelling, when required, was not impossible, but it could become inconvenient. You cannot reasonably expect a sibling to drive several hours into town just to transport your parent to the doctor, pick up required medications, help tend to other needs, and allow you respite time. Mind you, if one sibling is being asked repeatedly to run the necessary errands simply because he or she is the closest, then this individual should be compensated in some manner (e.g., a regular gas fill-up for his or her vehicle would be appreciated).Your parent may require more immediate treatment that cannot wait. As this caregiving arrangement requires working together and compromising, siblings should also be on friendly terms.
3.3 Collaborative caregiver
A collaborative caregiver is practical, sensible, realistic, and resourceful. Consider yourself very lucky if you fall into this category. Similar to a sharing caregiver, a collaborative caregiver will participate as a caregiver; however, he or she will have the necessary resources to call on many others to work together to provide proper care. Many of these individuals and outside services can be identified by using the Your Circle of Caregiving worksheet, located at the end of this book. For example, collaborative caregivers may rely on the nursing staff at a long-term care facility, a private companion, an activity coordinator who plans specialized outings for seniors, or a respite group that takes the parent for the day.
As the old saying goes, “Many hands make light work.” As a collaborative caregiver, you will find you can better handle what is required and benefit from some regular time away yourself. If you are not a collaborative caregiver, work toward becoming one. Doing so is certainly advantageous because it will benefit both your own physical and mental health. You will not be as busy or emotionally taxed. Such an arrangement helps you to reduce your own stress and workload.
3.4 Coordinating caregiver
Are you the type of person that researches, analyzes, and organizes everything? That would mean you fall into the category of the coordinating caregiver. You will spend much of your time learning about relevant matters and then deciding on the best course of action. You will collect data and compare options such as researching medical advances, learning the possible side effects of prescribed medications, visiting long-term care facilities and assessing their suitability, or evaluating different models of motorized scooters.
I tend to scribble things down on spare pieces of paper and then promptly lose them, so I would not make an effective coordinating caregiver; to be a coordinating caregiver, you must be highly organized. You will have (perhaps colour-coded) files for everything, you will keep brochures together, and you will remember to take receipts out of your shirt pockets before laundering!
3.5 Delegating caregiver
The delegating caregiver is the type of person who is dynamic, confident, and a leader. This individual is the least hands-on because he or she assigns and hires others to provide the necessary care. You may be uncomfortable with the necessary tasks or realize that others are infinitely more qualified to do this than you are.
I see myself as a delegate as my professional background does not include anything resembling health care. I shied away from certain tasks (e.g., I balked at the very idea of giving either of my parents a bath). Assigning certain responsibilities to me would have been both inappropriate and unsafe for my parents. Delegating caregivers often are more financially able to hire the extra help.
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