to the tune of ‘Winter Wonderland’, a song penned in the 1930s by Felix Bernard. It’s been covered by everyone from Ozzy Osbourne to Dolly Parton to Frank Sinatra. Strangely enough, the ode to Wenger has died down slightly following Arsenal’s lengthy run without a trophy.]
There’s only one Carlton Palmer!
And he smokes marijuana!
He’s six foot tall and his head’s too small
Walking in a Palmer wonderland!
[An excellent use of the ‘Winter Wonderland’ tune, sung by Sheffield Wednesday fans in the 1990s. The Wednesday fans didn’t literally mean Palmer liked the odd jazzy cigarette – they used the line because it rhymed. Just like that.]
There’s only one Emile Heskey!
One Emile Heskey!
He used to be shite
But now he’s alright
Walking in a Heskey wonderland!
[Sung about much-maligned striker Emile Heskey. Started by Wigan and inherited by Aston Villa following Heskey’s arrival in 2009.]
Strange one, this. On the one hand, bellowing out the assertion that your team is the greatest in the world can be a rousing way of announcing your dominance. On the other hand, it’s sung by Huddersfield fans and the like.
And it’s Huddersfield!
Huddersfield FC! We’re by far the greatest team!
The world has ever seen!
[Every club sings this one, hence its inclusion in the ‘Oldies But Goodies’ list. The chant is usually heard at grounds where the fans’ repertoire of witty songs is a little sparse.]
Following on from Huddersfield fans claiming their team are world-beaters, the typical response from terrace rivals is a put-down to silence the optimistic crowd:
You’re shit, and you know you are! [repeat]
[To the tune of ‘Go West’, by the Pet Shop Boys. Variations on a similar theme include ‘Can we play you every week?’, which is usually sung when a team races into a commanding lead inside the first half.]
You’re shish and you know you are!
You’re shish and you know you are!
You’re shish and you know you are!
You’re shish and you know you are!
[Excellent work from Chelsea supporters, who belted this one out to Galatasaray during a Champions League clash in 1999.]
We can’t have a list of classics without this one. Usually reserved for the FA Cup, fans sing it to remind their downbeat rivals which of the two teams on the pitch is going off to the final at Wembley.
Que Sera, Sera
Whatever will be, will be
We’re going to Wem-ber-ley!
Que Sera! Sera!
[To the tune of ‘Que Sera, Sera’, a 1950s song written by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans. Manchester United fans replaced ‘Wem-ber-ley’ with ‘I-ta-ly’ while crowing about their impending trip to Rome for the 2009 Champions League final. Bet they wish they hadn’t gone there now…]
The Middlesbrough players run out to this catchy disco hit from the 1990s and the dance-floor smash has made its way into other grounds across the country. It’s plain, simple and popular, making it worthy of classic status.
Do-do-do-do!
Andy Johnson!
Do-do-do-do!
Andy Johnson!
[To the tune of the Perfecto Allstars’ ‘Reach Up (Papa’s Got A Brand New Pigbag)’.]
Picture the scene. There’s one minute left of injury time and you REALLY need your £30 million man to stick one in the back of the net – otherwise you’re kissing your title dreams goodbye. Then – BANG! He smashes one in from two yards and you’re top of the table going into the final day…
We shall not, we shall not be moved!
We shall not, we shall not be moved!
Just like the team that’s gonna win the Football
League (again!)
We shall not be moved!
No, nothing to do with some old bloke and a farm. This is a rather new one that sprung up around Football League grounds in the 2008/09 season. First heard at Leicester City’s Walkers Stadium as early as September 2008, Foxes fans were optimistic about their team’s chances of getting promoted. How right they were.
E-i-e-i-e-i-o! Up the Football League we go!
When we get promotion
This is what we’ll sing:
‘We are champions!’
‘We are champions!’
Nigel Pearson’s king!
[This clearly caught on and was heard up and down the country throughout the season, so just replace Nigel Pearson’s name with the name of your club’s manager.]
As you will come to realise, ‘Guantanamera’ provides the basis
