Shall We Sing a Song For You?. Alex Shaw
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This can be adapted to form a sly dig at the opposition when your team are winning:
Rafa, what’s the score?
Rafa, Rafa, what’s the score!
Leeds took this chant to another level when they were trouncing Tranmere 3–0 in August 2009, with a great put-down aimed at John Barnes:
Barnesy, give us a rap!
Barnesy, Barnesy, give us a rap!
[Barnesy loves a good rap – from his contribution to New Order’s excellent 1990 World Cup anthem ‘World in Motion’ to the frankly quite bizarre ‘Anfield Rap’, he’s got those rhymes down!]
Norwich fans sang this one to their own player, Cody McDonald, after he came on as a substitute against Sunderland in the Carling Cup:
Cody, touch the bar!
Cody, Cody, touch the bar!
[Little Cody couldn’t oblige, perhaps because he’s only 5ft 7in…]
Bolton fans have adopted a brilliant-but-harsh variation on this song. It’s no secret that Trotters fans despise their own manager, Gary Megson, despite the carrot-topped maestro keeping his team in the Premier League in both seasons since his appointment, as well as drawing with Bayern Munich away in the UEFA Cup in 2007.
Bless him, he’s just not liked that much at the Reebok. And the feeling towards Megson was hilariously summed up during Bolton’s home clash against Stoke City in October 2009 with:
Bolton fans:
Megson, give us a wave!
Megson, Megson give us a wave!
[Megson waves]
Bolton fans respond:
Who are ya? Who are ya?
Megson’s face was a picture!
United! United!
[Rallying cry for teams called United. Usually provokes a reaction of ‘ARE SHIT! ARE SHIT!’ from rival fans.]
Stand up if you love [team]
[‘Go West’ provides the inspiration again here. The song’s popularity rose dramatically after all-seater stadiums were introduced. Nostalgic fans are reminded of the good old days of terracing, while everyone else gets a great opportunity to irritate the stewards, who invariably want everyone to remain seated. Win-win situation. Also, fans of the reigning Premier League champions sing ‘Stand up for the champions’ to show their support.]
How wide do you want the goal?
How wide do you want the goal?
[Has the same meaning as the ‘Score in a brothel’ chant.]
What-a waste-a money!
[Striker with a measly goal return? Sing this snappy number.]
Dirty northern bastards!
[Southern fans sing this to antagonise their northern rivals. Plymouth Argyle supporters sing it to anyone!]
Who are ya? Who are ya? Who are ya?
[Sung whenever an obscure name comes on to the pitch, or when a lower-league team taunts their more illustrious opposition after taking the lead. Think Barnsley when they went 1–0 up in their FA Cup sixth-round clash against Chelsea in 2008.]
Sit down, shut up, sit down, shut up!
[Nice and simple – a traditional terrace taunt for those who angrily question a referee’s decision. If the fans are screaming for a penalty and don’t get it, rival supporters sing ‘sit down, shut up’ to compound the misery.]
The Great Escape
[The theme tune to the film ‘The Great Escape’ provides fans with a tuneful and rhythmic way of humming your team’s name. It is usually sung by supporters of relegation-threatened clubs, who urge their team to pull off their very own great escape by avoiding the drop.]
Now you’ve limbered up with some good old classics, it’s time to tackle the ‘Funnies’…
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