who became involved at this stage played a crucial part in rehabilitating the family, specifically working with Rose and her mum individually, strengthening each of them, and assisting them in overcoming the negative effects of the past; these included addiction to alcohol, depression, self-harming, guilt, low self-esteem, loss of attachment and dysfunctional relationships, and which specifically focused on the causes and aftermath of domestic violence. Rose describes her problems with relationships, with schooling and her emotional instability, but recognises that things are now different. She acknowledges her new-formed friendships and her increasing confidence and growing independence. Her sensitivity to the needs of her mum remains, however, despite the damage caused by her apparent rejection of Rose during the most injurious times. Her reproof of her mum is not overtly expressed, and she remains loyal to her mum as she begins to build her own life.
The stories that we have heard here, though skeletal, are precious and need to be seen as such. There may be few opportunities to listen to fragments of young people’s lives, and these also must be treasured. As parents, carers, teachers, social workers, support workers and others talk with children and young people, there needs to be an awareness of the value of each piece of their stories which they choose to reveal to adults in their lives, no matter how seemingly insignificant. In situations where a child or young person has been abused through having to live with domestic violence, it must be the case that their stories are taken very seriously, and that every detail is remembered and reflected upon. The principle of listening to children’s stories and acting upon them, in a way which supports them and empowers them, needs to be embraced, and it will ultimately build relationships between young people and adults, and provide a truer understanding of the needs of each young person.
The young people’s stories have here begun to unfold. Each has recounted their storied lives, and as the deeper layers of their stories are revealed in subsequent chapters, a depth and richness will be revealed which will be witness of profoundly personal and emotional experiences (Etherington 2004). The panoramic view of each of the stories recounted in this chapter will be examined through a more focused gaze that will allow the gathering of a deeper understanding of each young person’s story.
It is crucial not to dismiss anything which is given by a young person. The value of a snippet of a story should be recognised, appreciated and recorded in some way, and this will inevitably produce a feeling within the young person that their stories are being treasured. More of their stories will follow, and many more insights; but the only way this will ever happen is to follow the direction of Mullender (2005) and make every effort to give children and young people a chance to talk.
As Scott talked, it was evident that he had gained a profound understanding of what the support workers had been encouraging him to do, and had used this understanding to modify his behaviour by changing his attitudes.
As Coral talked, it was evident that she had seen herself as being the one to hold everything together, and she had ‘held on’ successfully until the time came for her mother to step in and sought support for herself and her children.
As Karl talked, it was evident that he had still retained an intense sense of loss, which had remained but which he could manage with strategies which he had naturally developed independently.
As Terry talked, it was evident that he had wanted to protect his mother and that all that had happened had served only to increase this desire. He had not changed this attitude, and remained fiercely protective of her.
As Rose talked, it was evident that in emotional terms she had suffered a great deal, and had needed to blame others for her pain. However, she had learnt through appropriate support to accept the faults of others by seeing them with a greater degree of tolerance and an understanding born of anguish.
It is not hard to assess and interpret stories in this way. The essence of what a young person has experienced may surface spontaneously, and it provides a starting point in knowing what each young person might need. Scott needed to be provided with the tools of support, so that he could make changes to himself and assist others to do the same. Coral needed to be allowed her independence with an understanding that at some point she would recognise that she would do better with help. Karl needed to express himself in lots of ways to find out what worked for him. Terry needed to be encouraged to see that his mother was not his responsibility. Rose needed to know that she could make a decent life for herself with people she chose for herself.
The bare bones may reveal a theme which can act as a guide or starting point in putting together a plan of support for a young person or child. This theme might be what some would call ‘a gut feeling’, which should not be ignored; but there should always be an attempt to build on or discount this feeling using further reflection and analysis. By doing so, a degree of safeguarding is ensured, in that the support is not based solely on a hunch or on what is believed to be the essence of the need. Rather it is founded on a thorough examination of everything that is contained in the telling of the story, leaving nothing out.
The following chapters of this book reveal my attempt at doing just that.
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