1.2 Watch your facts
One of the hazards in business conversations is falling into the habit of stating ‘fact’ after ‘fact’ in an assertive manner when the statements are really just opinions. To be clear in your communication and avoid misunderstandings, learn to distinguish your facts from opinions and assertions.
When you talk, there are only a few ways in which you can say something: by asking questions, stating facts or giving opinions. If you want to communicate well in business, you need to recognize when it is appropriate to be gentle, when you should be forceful and when to be probing and challenging.
Often people state facts or offer opinions when really they should be trying to pry out information through soft questioning. So let’s be clear: a fact is something that is specific enough that you can prove it with evidence.
Fact. “The economy grew by 10% year on year.”
Opinion. “I am always right and you are always wrong.”
one minute wonder To add authority to your voice, pay attention to your tone. Questions, statements and commands all have their own intonation. Avoid making statements where your voice rises up at the end of the phrase as this will sound as if you are questioning or doubtful. Statements sound strong when using a voice that is level or falls at the end.
The first statement is a fact and can be backed up with evidence. The second statement, on the other hand, is not a fact; it is an opinion. It is important that you don’t get confused between facts and opinions, whether as a manager or an employee, or when you are selling or negotiating. If you give an opinion, it should always be made clear, usually by saying something like, “in my opinion…” or “in my way of thinking…” as a way to introduce the theme. This allows the opportunity for discussion and others to hold different views to your own.
The poorest form of communication is the overuse of assertions, as an assertion is an opinion pretending to be a fact. Because they are not prefaced by any sign that they are an opinion, the other person is encouraged to accept them as being true even if there is no hard evidence to support them.
Weak communicators use assertions in order to close down debate and discussion. They close off any room for the other person in the conversation to give their opinion. Managers who use assertions all the time soon find that they are surrounded by ‘yes people’ while never really finding out what is going on in their organizations.
Distinguish facts from your opinions in conversations by making it clear when it is ‘just your view’.
Good listening skills are a vital element of good communication and help to build business relationships, whether in a team or when selling to a client. Most people think they listen, but, if you watch them closely, they are really simply working out what they are going to say as soon as they get an opportunity in the conversation.
Lots of people listen with their ‘mouths’ rather than their ears. They are not really listening at all. They are simply looking for a chance to speak so they can take control of the conversation – this is called selective listening.
Why is this so? They probably assume that they have more interesting, intelligent, knowledgeable or relevant things to say than the other person. Or they are mentally editing or criticizing what the other person is saying, and prejudging the outcome of the conversation.
In contrast, when you actively listen, you don’t jump to conclusions about what the speaker is saying but try to see things from the other person’s viewpoint. Real listening is not passive. It takes focus and energy, but the pay off is much improved communication. These are some steps you can take to listen actively:
“Silence is a source of great strength” Laozi, Chinese sage
1 Use body language. When you actively listen, you show the person through speech and body language that you are listening. Use eye contact and your facial expressions and gestures to show that you are listening.
2 Be curious. Don’t prejudge what the speaker wants to say. Be interested. What is the outcome they want? What is their motivation? What is the real reason they are talking to you?
3 Summarize. Repeat back what you think the speaker has just said to you. For example, “What I have heard you say is XXX.” This gives the speaker the opportunity to clarify any misunderstood areas.
4 Clarify any abstract or fuzzy terms as you go along. This assists the speaker to recognize any gaps in the information that they are giving you. You can say, “This is what I am hearing you saying? Is this right?”
5 Be silent when necessary. Silence is an important part of listening. Silences in the conversation give the other person time to explore and express their thoughts fully.
Listen actively and focus on the speaker’s message without prejudging the conversation.
Not enough people ask effective questions. Precise questions allow you to understand problems in a team or with your client, find out what’s going on beneath the surface, defuse problem situations before they fully arise, get people to cooperate with you, find out important information, negotiate and persuade people to help and support you.
If you want to improve your communication in any business situation, then become a great questioner. You can become much more effecive in many situations by asking the right questions. This is particularly useful in challenging situations, such as if a mistake has been made or if you want to get others to agree to an idea or proposal.
Powerful questions are generally open-ended, thought-provoking or probing. This means they can’t be answered with a simple yes or no answer.
‘What’ and ‘how’ questions draw out the other person and are most likely to get them to reveal their real opinions. Here are some examples you can use again and again:
“Effective questioning brings insight, which fuels curiosity, which cultivates wisdom”
Chip Bell, American writer
Information-seeking questions. These draw out additional information from the other person. “What do you mean by…?”, “Tell me more about…?”, “What else?”
Exploratory questions. These allow someone to think about different approaches: “Could you approach this in a different way?” “What are the possibilities here?”, “What are the opportunities here?”
Identifying a problem. “What seems to be the problem?”, “What is stopping you from…?”, “What is your main block?”, “What worries you most about…?”, “How do you feel about…?”
Outcome questions. “What outcome do you
