Practise putting authority into what you say. Say something serious in a squeaky voice and you will notice not only how the words are undermined but also how you have to change your breathing to do this. Now deepen your breathing and notice how your voice gains power.
Psychology Professor Albert Mehrabian produced the now most used model of communication in the 1970s. He showed that:
55% of communication is down to the way you stand or sit, your gestures and facial expressions. Some of this body language is very obvious, while other signals will only be picked up unconsciously.
7-10% of communication comes from the actual words you use.
35-38% of communication is how you say things: how loudly you speak, your accent and how deep or high is your tone of voice.
Of course, if you are on a telephone, you have only your voice to work with, but still watch how you are standing or sitting and how you are breathing, as they will all affect how your voice sounds.
So, what was going on with that shifty, untrustworthy person you met for the first time? Well, he or she was probably saying the right things but thinking something different. That showed up in, or leaked into, their body language.
Pay attention to what you say but also make sure that you believe what you say. If you don’t, your audience will pick up immediately that something is not quite right. They won’t necessarily know what is not right, but instinctively they will know that they don’t feel comfortable with you, and that isn’t a positive in business.
Watch what you are saying with your body; it’s an even more important communicator than your words.
2.2 Be aware of personal space
Have you ever had to move away from a colleague or client because you felt as if they were intruding into your personal space? It is such an uncomfortable feeling, and, if the person continues to crowd us, we will feel very unfriendly towards them and will be unlikely to want to do business with them.
Our personal space is composed of several invisible zones around us. If someone intrudes into these, we begin to feel very uncomfortable. We will let a lover or a close family member come very close to us, but a stranger or a work colleague cannot come as close.
The closest invisible zone (from the skin to 18 inches/45 cm around us) is called the personal zone and is reserved for people we are happy to be touched by or to touch. If a stranger comes into this intimate space, it will feel as if a warning bell has immediately gone off. You will sense the intrusion and want to move away. Around 30% of people will move within one minute of someone invading their space.
The need for personal space varies from culture to culture, so it is something that is very important to become aware of, especially if you are doing business internationally.
“The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain”
Daniel Goleman, American author
There are even differences between people from the town and from the country in terms of how much space they need around them. This means becoming aware of not only people coming into your space but also how you might be unconsciously becoming a ‘space invader’ as well.
To avoid becoming a ‘space invader’, follow these simple rules:
1 Pay attention to the body language of the other people you 1 meet in any business situation, particularly when abroad. Judge the distance people commonly stand apart.
2 If someone starts moving back from you while in conversation, don’t pursue them, but allow them to keep some distance between the two of you.
3 If they become comfortable in your company, they will close the gap a little or you will at least see their body language relax. You will probably feel the difference too, as the atmosphere warms and you feel more in rapport.
Be conscious of the invisible zones of personal space and avoid being a ‘space invader’.
Why are handshakes so important in business? Handshakes are one of the few times we let a stranger come into close contact with us and come into our invisble personal zone. Touching someone is such a personal interaction that, when someone touches us, we form an immediate impression of them.
A handshake is such a simple thing on the surface. After all, what are you doing? Just extending your right hand and shaking the other person’s right hand. But there are so many variations, partly due to personal preference but also to cultural acceptability.
A firm handshake gives a totally different impression to a light handshake. Too firm, and you come across as if you are trying to control the other person. But too soft, and it becomes the dreaded ‘wet fish’ handshake – a limp hand that lacks all authority and is very uncomfortable for the other person.
Here are a few pointers to the perfect handshake, which will make you appear businesslike and competent.
one minute wonder Anxiety shows in the hands. It makes them feel cool or clammy, which is very unpleasant for the person shaking those hands. Conversely, warm hands make us assume that the person is warm and trustworthy. So, smile and be relaxed when you shake hands, and the other person will feel it in your handshake.
Watch your grip. Ideally it should be strong and steady rather than held lightly with the fingertips just touching the other person’s hand. The fingertip grip can give the impression of a lack of confidence. In the perfect business handshake, your hands will be level with the other person’s. Your grip will be firm but neither too tight nor too loose. It will feel open and self-confident, whether you are a man or a woman.
Keep it simple. Some people will pat you on the shoulder or touch you on the elbow or wrist while they shake your hand. Others may place their hand on top of, rather than level with, yours. Be careful of any of these gestures and affectations, as they may be perceived as either too intimate or too dominant.
Don’t hurry. Hold the other person’s hand firmly and pump it three times or so. Only one pump, and you will come across as tentative. Give them time and attention when you greet them, and you will make a far better first impression.
Learn any local variants. The handshake is recognized in most cultures. However if you are doing business abroad then it is worth checking to see if any variants or alternatives are more common in business, for example bowing or praying-style gestures in parts of Asia.
Practise having a firm, level handshake where you take the other person’s hand and pump three times.
What happens when you look at someone and they break away and won’t look at you directly? You probably
