he commanded. ‘We have to talk, Holly. Now.’
Holly sat amidst the clutter of stacks of journals and case notes in his office, looking as though an axe was about to fall, and Ryan realised that she was expecting some kind of rebuke for her physical failings. It was time she knew just how far from the truth that was.
‘You’re amazing, you know that?’
A flush of colour stained her cheeks. ‘Maybe I’m just stubborn. I don’t like giving up.’
‘I’m not talking about the way you cope physically, Holly, although, God knows, that’s extraordinary enough. I’m talking about you professionally.’
‘You mean this morning? In Theatre?’
‘No.’ Ryan had to smile. ‘But, there again, your talent as a surgeon is pretty outstanding.’
Holly looked nonplussed and Ryan’s smile faded. He cleared his throat. There was a lot he’d like to say right now but this wasn’t the time or place. He knew he had to tread very carefully here.
‘I’m talking about the rapport you have with people,’ he said. ‘The way you can win their trust and calm their fears. You have a natural ability to deal with aspects of patient care that no surgical techniques or drugs could ever hope to touch. I suspect a lot of it has come because of what you’ve had to go through yourself but it’s a gift, Holly. An art. One that needs to go hand in hand with science to achieve the kind of patient outcomes we strive for.’
‘Um…’ Holly seemed lost for words. Then she gave an embarrassed chuckle. ‘Gosh, Ryan—this wasn’t at all what I was expecting you to say.’
‘What were you expecting?’
‘That you were going to say that a career as a surgeon and living on dialysis were just not compatible. That my physical limitations were becoming way too much of a burden.’
Ryan nodded slowly. ‘You were right. I am going to say that.’
It didn’t seem possible for Holly’s face to become any more pale but it must have done to make those dark eyes seem so huge. Ryan had to grit his teeth against the pain he knew he was causing.
‘But I wanted you to know where I was coming from before I said that,’ he explained gently. ‘For you to know just how highly I value you as part of my team. And that, if I can help it, I have no intention of losing you.’
Her face was utterly still, her head held high on a long, slender neck. Ryan could see the ripple of muscle as she swallowed with apparent difficulty.
‘I have no intention of losing me either.’ What started as a valiant smile went distinctly wobbly around the edges. ‘What do you suggest?’
‘A transplant,’ Ryan said promptly.
Her breath came out in a huff of something very close to despair. ‘Yeah…right. I’m working on it. See?’ She held up a hand, the fingers crossed. Her words had a faint and alien ring of bitterness. ‘Not much more I can do, is there?’
‘Yes,’ Ryan contradicted calmly. ‘There is.’
Holly stared at him as though he was speaking a foreign language. ‘Like what?’
‘Like considering a living donor for a transplanted organ instead of a cadaveric one.’
Holly shook her head wearily. ‘I’ve been down that track as far as it goes.’
‘And?’
‘And nothing. My mother died when I was ten, from the same kidney disease I have. My father’s diabetic. My brother’s not interested. Or, rather, he could be but he has a morbid fear of hospitals and illness and he’s avoided talking about anything to do with my kidney disease ever since I was diagnosed.’
‘What about other relatives? Friends?’
‘I don’t have any other close relatives and it’s certainly not something I’d ask a friend.’
‘What if the friend didn’t need to be asked? If they offered?’
‘It’s not exactly minor surgery, Ryan, having a kidney removed. It would be taking a risk with their own life and future health with no guarantee that it’s going to have the desired result. Who would put themselves through that?’
‘Somebody who cares.’
Holly snorted without mirth. ‘The last person that was supposed to care couldn’t wait to get away as soon as I had to start dialysis. Even if I’d had the energy to try another relationship, I doubt that I would have taken the risk.’
‘I know someone,’ Ryan said quietly.
A curious stillness settled onto the small room that was Ryan’s office. The busyness of the hospital on the other side of the closed door could have been worlds away. Sounds that had already been muted seemed to fade away so much that the proverbial pin would have dropped with a clatter. Holly’s whisper sounded weirdly loud.
‘Who?’
Ryan Murphy licked suddenly dry lips. He leaned forward a little, closing the gap between them, and held Holly’s wide-eyed gaze with his own, as carefully as his hands would have cradled a newborn infant.
‘Me.’
HOW could a single word be that stunning?
The shock was enough for Holly to be aware of nothing but the echoes of that word reverberating in her brain. Her head swam and she closed her eyes.
Breathe, she told herself implacably. Do not faint in front of your boss. Do not make his impression of your physical capabilities worse than it already is.
Nothing had ever been this unexpected. This unsettling. Certainly not the diagnosis of the illness that had brought her to this point in her life. Holly had been monitored carefully from the moment her mother had been found to have had an advanced case of renal failure and her own deterioration to the point of needing dialysis had been far too slow to shock her. Holly had finished medical school and launched herself into a meteoric rise to senior surgical registrar status before that had happened. Even her brother’s horror at the idea of being approached as a donor hadn’t been unexpected, given how badly he’d coped in the final stages of their mother’s illness.
But this…That one word suggesting that Ryan Murphy was prepared to offer one of his own kidneys was so far out of left field, Holly had nothing on which to anchor her reaction. It was, simply, stunning.
Ridiculous but stunning.
She had no idea how much time had passed before she opened her eyes again. Seconds? A minute or more? Nothing had changed. Ryan was still watching her with an expression she couldn’t read. Compassion was there, of course, but it always was to some degree. What she couldn’t pin down was what was mixed in with it. Hope? No, that couldn’t be right. Resignation was more likely. Something had to be done about Holly Williams
