down at us. ‘It was a good night last night, wasn’t it? What did you think of Kelsey? She’s a right laugh, isn’t she?’
Lauren and I exchange a look. It’s one thing slagging the girl off behind Ryan’s back, but we can’t do that to his face. Honesty is good within a friendship. Total honesty not so much. Because as much as I defended Kelsey earlier, I have to admit that she was really, really annoying. And not just because she’s as thick as piggy poop (who am I to judge? My specialist subject during the pub quiz is our drinks and keeping them topped up). Kelsey seemed to have a fondness for chewing gum and chomped on it like a cow constantly, with disgusting sound effects. She was also fond of swearing, which isn’t such a bad thing (we all like a good swear, right?) but when you have a sentence with nine words and six of them are swears, you have a bit of a problem.
I’m surprised at Eleanor, to be honest. She usually sets Ryan up with dull girls from well-to-do families. She isn’t so much helping Ryan to climb the social ladder – she’s dragging him up the ladder against his will. But Ryan seems to like this one, so as his friend, I have to support him – right?
‘She was funny. Especially with that Legos thing.’ It’s the only thing I can think of to say. My only other thoughts of Kelsey are the monotonous slapping of chewing gum against teeth.
‘Laos,’ Ryan says. ‘She meant Laos.’ He nods knowledgably, as though the answer had been on the tip of his tongue last night. We all know he’s Googled it since. ‘But you liked her, yeah?’
‘Yes. Absolutely.’ I look at Lauren and she nods vigorously.
‘Great girl. Loads of fun. I hope you’re bringing her next week.’
‘Brilliant.’ Ryan’s grin widens. ‘Because I’ve invited her to join us. She’s on her way.’
Lauren and I eye each other as Ryan backs away towards the bar. We can’t leave now – it would be too obvious – but we don’t want to stay either.
‘One drink,’ Lauren hisses once Ryan has turned away from us. ‘We’ll drink up quickly and then make our excuses.’
The door opens and we both turn, groans ready to rumble from our chests, but it isn’t Kelsey this time. It’s a bloke; big, balding and not chewing gum.
‘Here we go.’ Ryan sets the drinks down on the table and sits himself down opposite us.
‘Thank you.’ Lauren takes her glass and gives her throat a little clear. ‘You know, Ryan. We can’t actually stay long tonight. I think we’ll have to go after this drink.’ Lauren takes a huge gulp of her drink, downing almost half of it in one go.
‘Oh? Why’s that?’
‘I’m not feeling too good.’ Lauren rubs at her stomach. ‘And Delilah’s hurt her knee quite badly.’
‘Have you?’ Ryan turns to me, concern wrinkling his brow. ‘What’s happened?’
‘She fell flat on her face,’ Lauren says and I nod.
‘Went down like a sack of spuds.’ I flash my plaster as proof.
‘She thought she was going to need stitches,’ Lauren says. ‘In fact, I think we should go now. You need to rest that knee. It was all swollen and nasty earlier.’
I look longingly at my pint, but then I think about Kelsey working her way through an entire packet of Wrigley’s and I push the thirst aside. ‘It is pretty sore, actually.’
Ryan suddenly bursts out laughing and I throw him an evil glare. My pain is amusing to him?
‘Will you two relax?’ Ryan titters to himself as he raises his pint to his lips and takes a sip. ‘Kelsey isn’t really on her way. I was just winding you up.’
‘What?’ Lauren and I both cry, which only makes Ryan laugh even more.
‘Why would you do that?’ Lauren asks.
Ryan chuckles. ‘Entertainment. Purely for entertainment. It was obvious that you two didn’t like Kelsey – the feeling’s mutual, by the way – so I thought I’d wind you up.’
‘Kelsey didn’t like us?’ The cheek! We invited her onto our team, put up with her vile gum-chewing and she didn’t like us. ‘Why not?’
Ryan shrugs. ‘She didn’t really say, but if it’s any consolation, she didn’t like me much either.’
‘She said that?’
‘She said we had no chemistry, which is pretty much the same thing.’
My spidey sense starts to tingle. ‘Did you bring her to the quiz to put her off, knowing she wouldn’t like us?’
‘Maybe.’ Ryan takes another sip of his pint. Sneaky git. ‘So what’s this special meeting all about then? What’s so urgent that you’ve made Lauren miss ogling the hunky fitness freak?’
So this is it. I take a fortifying sip of my pint while I determine if there really is no other way around this. Nope, there isn’t.
I spill all to my friends.
Project Wedding Date
Text Message:
Lauren: Got my invite for Lydia Jenson’s wedding. That’s 5 people from our year at school who have got/are getting married!
Delilah: You got invited???
Lauren: Want to be my plus one?
‘So let me get this straight.’ Ryan observes me for a moment, drumming his fingers lightly on the table top. ‘Ben is engaged so you want a boyfriend to take to Francesca’s wedding so you can prove that you’re over him? Even though you’re not?’
‘Exactly.’ Why can’t Ryan be this smart when it comes to the weekly pub quiz?
‘I think it’s a great idea.’ Lauren looks stunned at this admission, as though she never thought in a million years that she’d agree with my crazy plan. Which is fair enough – I’m stunned she’s agreeing with me too. ‘It really is. It’s about time you got back out into the dating scene.’
‘Whoa, whoa. Hold on there, missy.’ I hold up my hands before Lauren gallops way ahead and has me married off before you can say ‘catch the bouquet’. ‘I’m not looking to get back into the dating scene. Not really. This is going to be purely superficial. I want it to look like I have a boyfriend, that’s all.’
Lauren observes me for a moment and I begin to squirm under her scrutiny. ‘Wait a minute. I know what this is really about.’ Lauren nods as she confirms her thoughts internally. ‘You’re hoping that by turning up at the wedding with somebody new, Ben will finally realise what he’s missing out on and fall at your feet, begging for forgiveness and another chance!’
‘I am not!’
