and I will make a life for myself. Because I can. I can change. I can learn. I have shown myself that. But one thing I will not do is stay for this. This humiliation. This pain.”
She turned away, her hand shaking. She swallowed hard. “I loved leaning on your strength, Andres. But I am capable of standing on my own.”
“We are getting married tomorrow,” he said, as though she hadn’t spoken. “My brother is announcing it tonight.”
“You should have thought of that before you betrayed me. I am not forgiving, Andres.” She hadn’t known that about herself. But now she did. She’d never had her heart broken before, not quite in this manner.
It turned out she was slightly vindictive. “I will not forgive you for this. Kairos and the fallout are your problem. The wedding, and what happens when I fail to appear, is your problem.”
She strode away from him, down the empty corridor, her high heels clicking on the marble, echoing in the space.
She rounded the corner, saw the two double doors that led outside and flung them open, bracing herself against the biting chill of the wind. It was snowing outside, a thick blanket of it covering the ground. She walked forward, wrapping her arms around herself, rubbing her bare skin with her hands. She could see her breath, and she became aware of a chill on her cheek.
She was crying. Tears falling down, leaving icy tracks behind. She looked back at the palace, and ahead at the blank canvas of white. She lifted up her full pink skirt and began to run through the snow as quickly as she could, her feet sinking deep into the icy cold, but she didn’t care. She slipped, falling down onto her knee, and forward, her gown billowing out around her. She stopped, letting the cold seep through. Down her skin, down to her bones.
She shivered. The physical discomfort she felt did not compare to the pain that was rioting through her chest. To the unending darkness that was threatening to destroy her.
She leaned forward, the snow freezing her exposed skin. And she didn’t care.
She knew she needed to get up. She knew she needed to run, as she had told him she would. She couldn’t just lie here and die in a snowbank; that was an old fear. But, for a moment it was tempting.
And when she felt that flicker of temptation, she stood. No, she would not fade away. She would not hide herself from pain. She would not allow for herself to be alone. Not to protect herself, not for any reason at all. She would have what she wanted. No, she couldn’t have Andres. But whether she stayed or left, that would be the case. She would not subject herself to that. And she was strong enough now to claim that for herself. To understand that she deserved it.
She had suffered far too much loss in her life. The loss of her parents hurt still, but if there was one thing she knew it was that you could survive grief. She could survive pain.
She could survive being alone.
She stood, walking to the garage, where she knew she would find the driver whom Andres had been using the past few weeks.
She saw him standing in there, by the car, obviously waiting for anyone who might need a ride.
He pushed away from the car, lifted his head. “Princess?”
“I need you to take me into town. I need to see Julia Shuler. Can you help me find her?”
* * *
It was not the best thing to be drunk on your wedding day. Hell, it probably wasn’t the best thing to be drunk on Christmas Day. Christmas morning, if he were being completely precise. But he had not been able to find Zara after their confrontation last night, and so he had gone into his brother’s library and made liberal use of the Scotch.
He was waiting for the pain, the headache to hit. Right now the buzz was all that lingered.
She would come today, he was confident in that. He had made a mistake last night, he knew that. He had gone one too far in using that woman to hurt Zara.
He had put off touching her for as long as possible, and when he had heard footsteps in the hallway he had grabbed her and pulled her into his embrace, kissing her. Deeply. Passionately. So that no one who bore witness could miss it.
He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but he had not expected the repulsion that had crawled over his skin. He didn’t want this other woman. She was beautiful, and yet he didn’t want her. Did not want to taste her lips, did not want her lipstick lingering on his flesh.
And when Zara had seen him...
He had never known such regret. Not even when he had been confronted with the pictures of himself and Francesca.
But it had been too late, and he had done what he always did. He had lashed out and hurt her. He had doubled down on the reasoning behind his actions. His brain justifying himself all while his mouth issued the vilest insults to the person he should be prostrating himself before, begging for forgiveness.
He had felt so desperate to disappoint her now instead of later. Had felt so compelled to make her hate him early so that he had nothing to try and live up to. So that he wasn’t surprised when she left.
What he hadn’t counted on was the hurt in her eyes. His mother had never faced him after that final day. She had simply left. His father had met him with rage only. Kairos had had kind of a quiet acceptance about him, but had stood firm in the stance that they were brothers and nothing would break their bond.
Zara had made it very clear that their bond was broken. She had faced him down with anger, as his father had done. But there was more to it than that. It was a righteous anger, and not for herself...for him. Because she had expected that he was better. Truly.
He realized right then that his parents never had expected more from him.
He had willingly disappointed them, because that was living down to their expectations. Zara was the only one who had truly expected better.
She wants things from you that you can’t give. You’re better off without her. Better off without all this.
His heart burned, calling him a liar.
Kairos came down the steps of the church, dressed in a tux. “Where is your bride? The wedding starts soon.”
“I expect she’ll be here.”
“What have you done?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary.”
“So,” Kairos said, “something terrible.”
Andres let out a derisive laugh. “It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have anywhere else to go. She’ll be here. She has no other choice.”
“You are a fool,” his brother said, the venom injected into his words a shock. “I have watched you squander yourself for years but I thought that you would learn. I thought you would not waste this.”
“Waste what?” Andres asked, the words coming out in a roll of fog in the cold, snowy air. “My forced marriage?”
“She loves you,” Kairos said, his voice low, vibrating with rage. “It is so clear to anyone who takes the time to look. Have you not?”
