the formal gardens, didn’t want her to navigate the steep and rugged mountain terrain surrounding the estate. Cursing under his breath, he saw Allegra wrench open the gate and then stride through the forest, swallowed up by the trees and the dark.
He waited an hour before he went out looking for her, just to show how reasonable he could be. A tense, endless hour when his mind raced with worst-case scenarios and he did his best to stave off the panic he felt skirting the edges of his mind, blurring rational thought. Memories danced like shadows in his mind, of his mother, his sister, his father. Their faces, their words, closed doors, shattered hope.
With a muttered curse Rafael flung open the door to his study. He yanked on a pair of hiking boots and headed outside, the air hot and dusty and dry, the sun beating hard on his head. She shouldn’t have been out in this heat. He didn’t even know if she’d put on sunscreen. And what about a sunhat and proper walking shoes? What if she’d tripped or fallen? His stomach clenched hard and he tasted the metallic tang of fear as he followed her path through the gate, picking up her trail through the broken ferns and grasses along the mountainside. With each step his anxiety grew and his fists clenched at his sides. He felt deep in his gut that something was wrong, that something had happened on his watch. Again.
For a second he could see his mother’s empty eyes, his sister’s wasting body. His father...
Dammit, he couldn’t keep opening the door to all that remembered pain. What was it about Allegra that brought it to the surface? He needed to lock that door tightly, so tightly, before the memories surged around him and he drowned.
He’d been walking for about fifteen minutes, calling Allegra’s name, his voice starting to grow hoarse with panic, when he saw her. She was crumpled up at the bottom of a large boulder, one leg awkwardly angled beneath her, her head lolling back. Her eyes were closed but they fluttered open as Rafael ran towards her, cradling her head in his lap as he said her name over and over again, tears of grief and self-recrimination springing to his eyes.
Her eyes fluttered open and fastened on his. ‘Next you’re going to handcuff me to my bed,’ she murmured. Her face was pale and waxy with a pearly sheen of perspiration but her tiny smile made Rafael’s heart turn over. ‘Just spare me the I-told-you-so, please.’
‘Are you hurt?’ Rafael demanded, his hands shaking as he ran them lightly over his body, looking for bruises or broken bones.
‘My ankle,’ Allegra answered on a shuddery sigh. ‘It’s not broken. At least, I don’t think it is. But I tripped on that stupid rock and went sprawling.’ She pressed one hand to her bump, her voice trembling and her face crumpling as she added, ‘I think the baby’s all right.’
Rafael’s insides felt icy as he bundled her in his arms. She felt light and precious, a treasure he wanted to cling to for ever. The mother of his child. ‘Let’s get you home,’ he said, and, scooping her up, he started back towards the villa.
* * *
The trip back to the villa was a blur; Allegra curled into Rafael, resting her cheek against the hard wall of his chest, taking comfort from the steady thud of his heart. The last hour she’d spent trapped in the woods, the trees dark and menacing all around her, her ankle throbbing, had been truly awful. She’d been afraid for their baby, afraid for herself, and she’d cringed to think of what Rafael’s reaction would be. Yet it wasn’t her freedom or lack of it she was worried about, she realised—it was Rafael. Something was driving him to act in so domineering a manner, something dark and desperate, and she feared in her impetuous folly she’d made it much worse.
To his credit, Rafael didn’t lambast her then. He treated her tenderly, carrying her through the woods, and then calling to Maria to bring cool cloths and compresses and tea as soon as they arrived back at the villa.
The doctor came and looked her over, pronouncing the baby well, the steady thud of his heart on the Doppler wonderfully reassuring. Her ankle was sprained and the doctor bound it up and then gave her strict instructions not to put any weight on it for at least a week, which would undoubtedly please Rafael.
After the doctor had gone Allegra fell asleep, grateful to retreat into oblivion for a little while. When she woke up Rafael was sitting by her bed, his head in his hands, his long fingers driven through his dark, unruly hair. The sight of him looking so exhausted, so unguarded made her heart squeeze in a way she wasn’t used to. A shaft of yearning pierced her sweetly, although what she wanted she couldn’t say. To comfort him, perhaps—but would Rafael even accept her comfort? What was between them now? What could be between them?
‘Hey.’ Her voice sounded scratchy and she licked her dry lips. She must have become a bit dehydrated out in the hot sun.
Rafael looked up, his bloodshot eyes widening at the sight of her. ‘You’re awake. Here.’ He reached for a pitcher of iced water and poured her a glass, holding it to her lips.
‘Thank you,’ Allegra murmured, and drank. She scooted up in bed, pushing her tangled hair out of her face as she noted the haggard lines of his face, the bleak set of his mouth. ‘I’m okay, Rafael,’ she said quietly, and to her shock his face crumpled almost as if he might weep. ‘Rafael...’ she whispered, reaching out one hand, and even more to her shock he took it, his fingers interlacing with hers.
‘But you could have so easily not been.’ His voice was a ragged whisper as he clung to her hand.
‘I behaved foolishly,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Rafael shook his head, the emotion reined in now but still visible in the lines of strain on his face. ‘I am the foolish one. You wouldn’t have gone off like that if I hadn’t driven you to it. If I had been more reasonable.’
‘You shouldn’t blame yourself...’
‘But who else am I to blame?’ Rafael returned starkly. ‘I am responsible for you, Allegra, and for our child, whether you like it or not. I cannot shirk or ignore that responsibility. I did once before and I will never do so again.’
‘When...?’ The word was a breath of sound. She realised she wanted, needed to know what drove Rafael. What made him the man he was. She wanted to know so she could understand him, but also so she could comfort him. So she could help. The strength of her own feeling surprised her, but she didn’t back away from it. This was too important. They were too important. At least she hoped they were.
‘My mother,’ he said after a moment. ‘My sister, in a different way.’ He pressed his lips together. ‘I lost them both, when it was my sacred responsibility to care for them. I failed them, failed my entire family.’ He looked away, blinking fast. ‘If I seem too controlling, it’s because I can’t contemplate the alternative.’
Allegra felt tears sting her eyes at the pain she saw in Rafael’s face, heard in his voice. She didn’t understand everything but she knew he was hurting. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, reaching up to brush her hand against his cheek. ‘For all you’ve suffered.’
Rafael closed his eyes, leaning into her brief caress, and then he pulled away. Opened his eyes and didn’t look at her. ‘In any case,’ he said, a stiffness entering his voice, ‘I will relax some of the measures I put in place.’
‘That still makes me sound like a prisoner.’
‘You’re not a prisoner.’ Now his tone was touched with impatience. Their moment of bonding was well and truly over. ‘You’re living in the very lap of luxury. I hardly see any reason to complain.’
Allegra
