on lass.”
A deep masculine voice came from somewhere way above her. Was it God’s voice she could hear? Reality hit as she felt herself being physically dragged upward and memories kicked in. “Bobby!” she called out, but her voice was just a croak.
“They’re looking for him,” came the man’s voice again as he hauled her over the rails and onto the deck. Another wave of pain flooded over her but all she could see was the desperation in Bobby’s eyes as she lost her grip on his arm. She should have tried harder. “It’s Mike,” the man said. “Remember me?”
“Mike,” she repeated, recognizing the bearded face that hovered over her. He picked her up as if she weighed nothing and carried her into the cabin, laying her down and removing her wet clothes with a sense of urgency but no embarrassment.
“Here,” he said, wrapping her in a blanket and then in something shiny. “This will help keep your body temperature up... Are you sure you’re okay? You must be in shock.”
She nodded urgently, fighting off dizziness and nausea. “Never mind me, I’m fine... Go and help them find Bobby.”
He didn’t need asking twice. “Just stay here, inside,” he told her, heading out again into the howling wind.
Ali watched from the window of the cabin, dragged down by misery and guilt. If Bobby... She fought back a sob, pressing her face against the window. If Bobby was lost it was all her fault. A spotlight flickered across the surface of the turbulent sea. The men peered over the rails, shouting his name over and over. “Bobby... Bobby... Bobby!”
At least he was wearing a life jacket she realized, so he couldn’t drown...could he? And then she remembered something his brother Tom had said when he was sorting out some kit for her to wear on the boat, including a life jacket. She’d asked him if everyone had to wear one and his answer had surprised her. “Not necessarily,” he’d replied. “In fact some fishermen won’t wear life jackets at all because they think they’re a waste of time. The thing is, though, if you do wear one then even if you drown, at least your body won’t be lost at sea and your family will know for sure what happened to you.”
Her heart tightened as she remembered that moment. They’d laughed, she and Tom, as she tried on the huge oilskins, reminding her of when she’d been staying in his family’s pub and they’d chatted in the bar about fishing and the sea. She’d thought they were friends, but he’d only reluctantly agreed to let her come on this trip, and apart from that one episode with the oilskins, he’d been curt and distant... Now she knew why. Her presence on the boat in such bad weather had put them all at risk.
Bobby couldn’t drown, he mustn’t drown... It wasn’t right. And if he did...if he had, then it would all be down to her.
Hours passed, or what felt like hours to Ali. If only one of them would come and tell her something...unless there was nothing to tell. She nursed her arm to try and ease the pain, thinking about Bobby and feeling guilty for being warm and dry. Bobby was always so much fun, laughing, joking and singing karaoke in the pub. Someone so vibrant and bubbling with life had to be fine...didn’t they? He was kind and caring, too, and so young. He had far too much left to give for his life to be taken; she just needed to stay positive.
Nursing her throbbing arm she cast her mind back to the first time they met. She’d gone with her husband, Jake, to a charity event at the college in Manchester where he lectured and Bobby was a student in his tourism and hospitality course. Jake introduced them and they’d chatted, just general stuff, but after that she’d seemed to keep bumping into him when she least expected it. They’d fallen into an unlikely and totally innocent friendship, and when her dad died and then her marriage went wrong and she’d had no one to talk to, he’d been there. In fact, she realized, she’d have been lost back then without his good advice and common sense.
You need to take some time out, he’d told her. A trial separation to decide what you really want. Maybe you could even do something for your dad. You’re a journalist and he was a fisherman, perhaps you should write an article on fishing and the sea, in his memory.
His suggestion had taken root and grown. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time, her coming to stay at his family’s pub, The Fisherman’s Inn in Jenny Brown’s Bay, a little village between Arnside and Morecambe. She’d so enjoyed talking to the fishermen who frequented the pub in the evenings, especially Bobby’s older brother Tom and learning what her father’s life must have been like. In the end she’d taken a six month lease on a cottage right down by the sea and begun writing her article. She closed her eyes and shook her head... How had it ended like this. If she hadn’t taken Bobby up on his suggestion to come here—or if she’d followed Tom’s advice and stayed on shore—tonight would never have happened. Oh why did she always have to be so pigheaded?
Mike appeared again, peering cautiously round the door. “You okay?”
She nodded. “Have you found him?”
“Search and Rescue are out looking.” His mouth was a grim line. “His brother Ned works for them and he’s on duty tonight so he’ll find Bobby, I’m sure of it.”
Ali saw the lights first, blazing through the blackness. She pressed her face against the glass. They must have found him...
The Search and Rescue boat came right up against The Sea Hawk, grating hull to hull. A man secured the ropes and a familiar figure jumped effortlessly across the gap between the boats... Ned, it was Ned.
He spoke to Jed first, placing an arm around his father’s shoulders. When Jed dropped his face into his hands Ali’s heart sank and an unshed well of tears stopped her breathing. No...no...no...this couldn’t be happening.
She was gasping for breath when Ned burst through the cabin door. “It’s you...” he yelled. “My brother’s dead because of you.”
Ali sank to her knees, not noticing that the storm had died and the pale light of dawn was sneaking over the horizon, bringing the promise of a new day; a day that didn’t have Bobby in it...because of her. “I am so, so sorry,” she groaned, rocking from side to side, her pain forgotten.
“It’s all your fault!” Ned said, turning away.
Eventually Tom came back to the cabin, his face ashen and his eyes dark and empty. Ignoring Ali he took the controls, piloting the boat on automatic. Half an hour went by before he spoke. “I told you to stay down below,” he said without looking round. It was an accusation, Ali knew that, but she didn’t know how to respond.
“Oh no. I’m sorry,” she eventually managed, her voice little more than a whisper. Tom just stared ahead, and she could see his eyes were bright with tears he wouldn’t allow himself to shed.
They traveled like that for over an hour, across the restless rippling sea, unaware of the glorious dawn that brought a hint of pale winter sunshine that made the water sparkle. It felt to Ali as if the sea was laughing at their plight, but still she couldn’t hate it. She was the one who deserved to be hated. Mike came and went again, in silence, for there was nothing to be said.
Back at the harbor, Tom and Mike worked in silence, securing the boat. Ali sat motionless, still wrapped in a blanket, not knowing what to say or do. There was nothing she could do, no words she could say that might help. Her heart was a lump of lead inside her chest, her mind an empty space that was still trying to process what had happened. She looked at Tom... Bobby was his brother.
Tom just
