the first place and now, because of her, he was no longer here... That put a whole new unpleasant light on everything. It hurt too, to think that Bobby may have had feelings for her, as Ned implied. If it was true then she’d really let him down because she should have realized; maybe she’d just been naïve but that was no excuse either. So was that was why he’d acted so rashly then, jumping overboard without thinking it through to try and rescue her. The thought that it might be true made her heart feel like lead in her chest.
She’d told Jake she’d be back in Manchester by early evening but now she was second-thinking her decision. It felt as if she was running away...but from what? No one wanted her here and no one wanted to hear her apologies for something that could never be undone. But was trying to rake up the ashes of the past really the right move?
Sitting down heavily on a kitchen chair she tried to sort things out inside her head but all she could see was Tom’s face. What right did she have to even think about him? Their budding friendship had died along with Bobby. No, she decided, the right thing to do was to keep away from the Roberts family and leave them to grieve in peace. Having her around would just be a grim reminder.
She heard the front door creak open as she gathered up the things she needed to take with her. “Hello!” she called, nerves tingling.
“Are you going somewhere?” Seventeen-year-old Lily Roberts stood in the hallway; her cornflower blue eyes open wide with surprise. “You will be back for Bobby’s funeral though?”
“I...” began Ali. “Well.”
Lily smiled gently, stepping forward to take hold of her hand with the typical naiveté that Ali found so refreshing. She’d met the slightly “different” member of the Roberts family on the very first night she’d stayed at The Fisherman’s Inn, the pub and guest house Grace Roberts ran with help from the rest of the family, and they’d become friends at once. It was Tom who’d eventually explained why his sister was as she was.
Ali had been sitting in the bar with Tom, having one of the chats she had come to enjoy, when Lily, who lived and worked at home, approached to collect the glasses. “Are you going to fall in love with Tom?” she’d asked, looking at Ali with a childlike innocence.
Rather than being embarrassed or annoyed at his sister’s outspoken question as Ali had expected, Tom just smiled indulgently, reaching across to pat her arm. “Lily always says it as it is,” he said. “You’ll get used to it... She’s special, aren’t you, Lil.’”
“Special,” Lily repeated, her pretty face shining with delight, and Ali had thought in that moment that she did look special, kind of fey and otherworldly...like a fairy.
After she’d gone Tom went quiet, but then, as if suddenly coming to a decision, he put down his glass and looked Ali straight in the eye. “Lily’s birth was difficult—” he said slowly, twirling a beer mat between his thumb and forefinger “—because the cord was around her neck her brain was temporarily starved of oxygen. It left her...different from other girls; she’s beautiful and kind and incredibly caring but she’ll remain a child forever. We all have to look out for her.”
He’d looked up at her then, his dark eyes soft with emotion, and for Ali it had been a very special moment. She could see that looking out for Lily was a huge responsibility, always would be, but she also knew without a doubt that he’d never shirk it. When he said that his sister was special he meant it right from the heart. Tom Roberts, she’d decided then, was someone you knew you could always trust.
Seeing Lily here, at the cottage, was a painful reminder of that moment...of Tom. “Does anyone know where you are?” she asked.
Lily shrugged. “Ned was shouting so I just walked away. I don’t like it when people shout. Do you shout?”
“I guess everyone shouts when they get cross or frustrated but some people shout louder than others.”
“I don’t think it was your fault that Bobby got drowned anyway... Do you have any biscuits?”
Ali handed her the cookie jar, a cold hand clamping tightly around her heart. “Does everyone else think it was my fault?”
“Ned does, that’s why he was shouting.”
“And Tom...does he blame me, too?”
Lily shrugged, nibbling her cookie, totally unaware of just how much her answer meant. “Well I guess that everyone kind of blames you really because if you’d done as Tom told you and stayed out of the way then you wouldn’t have fallen overboard and Bobby wouldn’t have tried to save you.”
When Ali’s face fell, Lily smiled. “Don’t worry,” she said softly. “They know you didn’t mean it. Mum says it was just a tragic accident and we shouldn’t lay blame, so does Tom. It’s Bobby’s funeral soon—we’re going to sing him to heaven. Please come.”
“Oh Lily... I’m not sure that I’d be welcome.”
“Bobby would have wanted you there... He liked you a lot.”
For a moment Ali struggled to control a raw burst of emotion. “You really think so, Lily?” she eventually managed.
“I know so because he told me.”
“What...what did he tell you?”
Lily’s forehead puckered. “He told me not to say anything but I guess it doesn’t matter now.”
Reaching out, Ali took Lily’s small, smooth white hands in hers. “Tell me, Lily...please.”
“He said that he was falling in love with you but you didn’t love him back yet...and anyway you were already married... Are you really married?”
Ali nodded. “We’re having a break but...yes, I am still married.”
“So why aren’t you with your husband?”
At Lily’s question, so innocently asked, Ali faltered, struggling for words. She wanted to be as honest as Lily herself but what should she say? “We had some problems,” she eventually managed. “We are on a trial separation right now but we’re going to meet up soon, to talk, you know, about the future.”
“But you won’t go until after Bobby’s funeral?”
Lily’s earnest expression tugged at Ali’s heartstrings. “I...” she began. “I mean... I’m not sure. Ned definitely won’t want to see me there.”
Lily shrugged. “We’re all very sad... Mum says Ned is just lashing out... Please come.”
“Do you think Tom will want me to be there?” she couldn’t help asking.
Lily frowned. “I heard him say to Mum that he wished Bobby had never brought you here... But he did tell Ned that it was an accident and he mustn’t blame you, and that you probably felt bad enough already... So you’ll come?”
“I’ll think about it,” Ali promised. “Now you’d better get off home before someone comes to look for you. They’ll be worried.”
As she watched Lily head off down Cove Road Ali wondered if perhaps she should ring the pub, just in case they were looking for her. Before she could go and get her phone she saw Lily waving excitedly at
