twenty five years old, six years younger than Tom, and he’d lost his baby brother because of her... He had every right to hate her. She’d so wanted to go to the funeral, to talk to Bobby’s parents—and Tom—to help somehow, but maybe Ned was right and she should just leave.
After he’d gone she just sat there, going over and over that awful night, again and again. Ned’s words circled round inside her head. His life snuffed out, because of you...you lived and he died...no one wants you here.
He was right, she realized, trying to pull herself together, everything he said was right. It had all been her fault, and she had no right to hang around sharing the family’s grief. She’d come here, to Jenny Brown’s Bay, with so many hopes and dreams, to finish with her old life and start afresh with new friends around her. Tom had been a friend but, like Ned, he probably hated her now. Not that she could blame him either. Everything had changed, so suddenly and drastically, that it was difficult to know what to think or what to do.
Time ticked by and still Ali sat, her mind a million miles away from the things that had seemed so important just days ago, like the article she was going to write. Her notepad lay unopened on the table and right now she didn’t think that she would ever open it again.
When she heard the knocking at her door, her whole body froze. She couldn’t face Ned’s anger again however much she deserved it; there was nothing she could say to him that might help. When the knock sounded again, more urgent this time, she stumbled to her feet; what if it was someone else. Her hand shook as she reached for the door handle.
TOM WALKED SLOWLY homeward along the clifftop, looking down at the stretch of silver sea that sparkled in the distance. Awaiting the returning tide, the wide sweep of sand shimmered, smooth and serene. In fact the whole scene looked so starkly beautiful and totally harmless right now that it seemed impossible to think that within just a couple of hours the sea would come rushing back in, tearing away the tranquility. That’s what he’d always loved about the sea, its changeability. Now he was not so sure. It was in his blood though, an untamable beast that he couldn’t resist, and he could never have a normal life because of it. What woman would want to share her life with constant fear and danger?
Someone moved way below him, across the sand, a tiny, sticklike figure in the distance. Ned, it was Ned. What was he doing... Had he been to see Ali as he’d threatened to so many times? No, surely not, for no matter what his brother thought, there was no peace to be had from displays of anger or laying blame; he’d made Ned see that...hadn’t he?
Increasing his pace he hurried along the clifftop path wondering if he should call in on her, just to make sure she was okay. He’d felt bad for ignoring her these last few days but everything had been too raw for him to be able to face up to the memories that seeing her might invoke. There was something about her that called out to him, a familiarity way deeper than their surface friendship; it had been forged when she was first at The Fisherman’s Inn, when she’d picked his brains about being a fisherman... After Bobby’s death, he found himself questioning his way of life. Fishing was in his blood, his soul, but was it worth the heartache it so often caused? Why, there were ten men he could name who had drowned over the last few years while following their life’s passion, a passion that sometimes seemed cursed. The Sea Hawk’s fateful trip had been cursed, too, that night, cursed by love. For Bobby had been in love with Ali and he’d died trying to save her; how could any of them get past that? There could never be anything between Tom and Ali now that wasn’t steeped in guilt, even friendship, because Bobby was no longer here. Tom needed time away from her, he knew that, time to grieve and time to sort out the confusion in his head.
Despite his determined thoughts as he approached her cottage, Number Three, his footsteps slowed again and doubt set in. She’d been so brave when he took her to the hospital. Her arm must have been in agony but she never even mentioned it. What if Ned really had called in on her; how must she be feeling? For a moment more he stood, indecisive, and then he slowly raised his hand to knock. When the door remained firmly closed, a flood of emotion overcame him, relief and disappointment vying for first place. He knocked again more firmly before suddenly reconsidering his actions. He couldn’t do this. Turning sharply, he headed off into the night.
* * *
ALI PUSHED THE door open gently, peering through the crack into the falling darkness with a surge of relief; no one was there. She’d been so afraid that it was Ned again.
Her phone started ringing with the bright jubilant tone that now sounded so wrong. She looked outside for a moment longer, just to reassure herself, before hurrying to answer it. The screen flashed with the caller’s name—Jake—he was the last person she’d expected to hear from. For a moment she considered just ignoring it. She’d had her say before she left, about fidelity and promises...and yet, the urge to talk to someone outside of this nightmare was strong, someone who knew nothing of the tragedy.
“Hello,” she said cautiously.
“Ali...where are you?”
She actually felt pleased to hear his voice and that was crazy after what they’d been through. “It doesn’t matter where I am... Why are you ringing me?”
“To say sorry...again,” he said. “Look, I know you don’t trust me and I don’t blame you, but I am still your husband... I know I hurt you and I don’t deserve any forgiveness but I love you, Ali. I want us to try again and I really mean it this time... Please, Ali, come home...to talk, that’s all, just talk.”
Her first instinct was to cut him off, but something stopped her. After all, if she was honest with herself she knew that she craved forgiveness herself for what she’d caused, and here he was asking her for forgiveness for the damage he’d done to their relationship. She’d be a hypocrite if she didn’t even listen to what he had to say. “I’ll think about it,” she promised.
“But where are you... You can tell me that at least?”
He sounded so genuine, so caring when she needed to feel cared for. “Jenny Brown’s Bay,” she told him, flicking off the phone.
Hearing Jake’s voice brought back so many memories. They’d been in love once...until she found out that he’d cheated on her, and then love had slowly trickled out of the window. She’d tried to make a go of it, really tried...until the next time. But he was right, he was still her husband, the man she’d promised to love for better or worse. A week ago she wouldn’t have given him the time of day but now her priorities were all over the place. Take her dad for instance. She’d wanted to find him for almost all of her life but when she’d finally gotten her wish it was too late. Perhaps if her mother had been more forgiving, Ali would have had him in her life for a whole lot longer. She wanted, needed, forgiveness herself so perhaps the first thing she should do was to learn to forgive...or at least to listen.
By the time the pale winter sunshine crept through her window on the morning of the fifth day after Bobby’s death, she’d made her decision. She wasn’t wanted in Jenny Brown’s Bay and she needed to get away, at least for a while. Going to see Jake and talk things through might help her focus on what she needed to do now. With trepidation she picked up her phone.
“Hello... Jake...?”
ALI DUMPED HER bag by the door and looked around the cottage with a rush
