THIS CHAPTER
You probably don’t spend a lot of time mulling over the pros and cons of the way you think. Most people don’t – but to be frank, most people ideally ought to!
One of the central messages of CBT is that your thoughts, your attitudes and the beliefs you hold have a big effect on the way you interpret the world around you and on how you feel. So, if you’re feeling excessively bad, chances are that you’re thinking badly – or, at least, in an unhelpful way. Of course, you probably don’t intend to think in an unhelpful way, and no doubt you’re largely unaware that you do.
Thinking errors are slips in thinking that everyone makes from time to time. Just as a poor signal stops your phone from functioning effectively, so thinking errors prevent you from making accurate assessments of your experiences. Thinking errors lead you to get the wrong end of the stick, jump to conclusions and assume the worst. Thinking errors get in the way of, or cause you to distort, the facts. However, you do have the ability to step back and take another look at the way you’re thinking and set yourself straight. In this chapter we show you how to do just that.
To err is most definitely human. Or, as American psychotherapist Albert Ellis is quoted as saying, ‘If the Martians ever find out how human beings think, they’ll kill themselves laughing’. Ellis made that observation back in the ’60s, but not a lot has changed about our tendency to ‘think badly’ since. By understanding the thinking errors we outline in this chapter, you can spot your unhelpful thoughts and put them straight more quickly. Get ready to identify and respond in healthier ways to some of the most common ‘faulty’ and unhelpful ways of thinking identified by researchers and clinicians.
Catastrophising: Turning Mountains Back Into Molehills
Catastrophising is taking a relatively minor negative event and imagining all sorts of disasters resulting from that one small event, as we sum up in Figure 2-1.
Consider these examples of catastrophising:
You’re at a party and you accidentally stumble headlong into the ice sculpture. After you slide your way across the floor and to the bathroom to clean up, you scurry home and conclude that everyone at the party witnessed your little trip and laughed at you.
You’re waiting for your teenage daughter to return home after an evening at the cinema with friends. The clock strikes 10:00 p.m., and you hear no reassuring rattle of her key in the door. By 10:05 p.m., you start imagining her accepting a lift home from a friend who drives recklessly. At 10:10 p.m., you’re convinced she’s been involved in a head-on collision and paramedics are at the scene. By 10:15 p.m., you’re weeping over her grave.© John Wiley & Sons, Inc.FIGURE 2-1: Catastrophising.
Your new partner declines an invitation to have dinner with your parents. Before giving him a chance to explain his reasons, you put down the phone and decide that this is his way of telling you the relationship’s over. Furthermore, you imagine that right now he’s ringing friends and telling them what a mistake it was dating you. You decide you’re never going to find another partner and will die old and lonely.
Catastrophising leads many an unfortunate soul to misinterpret a social faux pas as a social disaster, a late arrival as a car accident or a minor disagreement as total rejection.
Nip catastrophic thinking in the bud by recognising it for what it is – just thoughts. When you find yourself thinking of the worst possible scenario, try the following strategies:
Put your thoughts in perspective. Even if everyone at the party did see your ice-scapade, are you sure no one was sympathetic? Surely you aren’t the only person in the world to have tripped in public. Chances are, people are far less interested in your embarrassing moment than you think. Falling over at a party isn’t great, but in the grand scheme of things it’s hardly society-page news.
Consider less terrifying explanations. What other reasons are there for your daughter being late? Isn’t being late for curfew a common feature of adolescence? Perhaps the film ran over, or she got caught up chatting and forgot the time. Don’t get so absorbed in extreme emotions that you’re startled to find your daughter in the doorway apologising about missing the bus.
Weigh up the evidence. Do you have enough information to conclude that your partner wants to leave you? Has he given you any reason to think this before? Look for evidence that contradicts your catastrophic assumption. For example, have you had more enjoyable times together than not? Isn’t dinner with the parents something a lot of partners may want to avoid due to nerves or some other reason?
Focus on what you can do to cope with the situation, and the people or resources that can come to your aid. Engaging in a few more social encounters can help you put your party faux pas behind you. You can repair a damaged relationship – or find another. Even an injury following an accident can be fixed with medical care.
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Finding Somewhere In-between
All-or-nothing or black-or-white thinking (see Figure 2-2) is extreme thinking that can lead to extreme emotions
