in the crazy, nonstop world in which we live. I always tell people that a large part of the problem is that most of us are attempting to do three to four times the number of things that is humanly possible. We tell ourselves we'll “make time” as if we can somehow manufacture more hours in the day or week. (Sorry, but there are only 168 hours in the week for everybody.) We want to be conscientious and get as much done as possible, so we tell ourselves we'll just go faster. What other choice is there given all we have to do? So that brings us to our old friend, multitasking. We convince ourselves that if we can do two (or more) things at the same time, we'll get twice as many (or more) things done!
Our smartphones and other devices are supposed to make us more productive. We're connected all the time and everywhere. But it's getting out of control. It's one thing to do a call while you're driving, but quite another to do email and texts at red lights—or when traffic slows to a crawl. You'll soon drive yourself crazy, not to mention potentially become a hazard on the road.
At some point, you have to ask yourself: are you really more productive or just more active? Have you confused activity for productivity? If you're moving so fast, however, you won't have any idea how productive you are—and you'll just keep moving.
That's when you need to take some time, step back, and self-reflect. What are you spending your time on? How does that match with what you say is most important in your life? That's the only way to cut through the activity and get to productivity so you can pursue a balanced life. If you want life balance, you need self-reflection.
EMBRACING SELF-REFLECTION
“Wait a minute, Harry, I don't have time for that!” Be honest: was that your first response? Trust me, after more than 15 years of teaching and giving talks on values-based leadership, I hear this all the time. “Sounds great, but I don't have time for that. I'm traveling half the time, my to-do list is eight miles long, and everybody in my life wants more of me.”
When people say that, I cannot help but wonder if it's really an issue of not having the time (we're talking about 15 minutes a day) or if this is just something they don't want to do. If people were really honest with themselves, maybe the reason they don't want to self-reflect is they don't want to confront the truth that there is a very big difference between what they say is important and how they allocate their 168 hours. Being self-reflective can get uncomfortable because it's too close to home. So let's address that first: self-reflection isn't about beating yourself up. It's about being truthful with yourself about what is—and is not—a priority for you. There's no judgment here. Your self-reflection is just for you, to pursue more balance in a way that makes the most sense for your life—not someone else's life.
If you want to lead your own life, and not be in a constant state of reacting to others, it makes sense to take some time for self-reflection. This can take as little as 15 minutes—ideally every day, but even once a week is a good start. I've practiced self-reflection since I was in high school, all the way through college and then graduate school; from the earliest days of my career all the way to becoming chief financial officer and then chief executive officer of Baxter International, a $12 billion health care company with 52,000 employees. Today, I teach at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management; I'm an executive partner at Madison Dearborn, a private equity firm; I work closely with companies in our portfolio and sit on several boards; and I travel 60 percent of the time, including to give speeches on values-based leadership to people around the globe. And my wife, Julie, and I have been married for 40 years and have five children; my spiritual life is very important to me; I exercise five days a week; and I stay in touch with family and many close friends. Trust me, I know all about being busy. But I also know that, without self-reflection, there would be no way I could pursue balance in all the things that are important to me and live a life that is an authentic reflection of my values.
So where do you find the time? You have 15 minutes, somewhere.
Most of us have to commute by train, bus, or car. You can devote some of that time to self-reflection. If you exercise, you can engage in self-reflection on the stationary bike, elliptical, or treadmill or while you're jogging. If you pray or meditate, you're already beginning the practice of self-reflection. These times can help you reflect on what really matters to you and why.
To be clear, self-reflection is not self-absorption. You're not contemplating the cosmos—or your navel. You're asking yourself some probing questions that give you clarity on how you want to allocate your 168 hours and keep you accountable for how those hours are being invested. When you engage in self-reflection for the first time, you need to establish a baseline for yourself. You need to slow down, turn off the noise, and be by yourself. There are some basic, yet very important, questions to ask yourself, such as these:
What are my values?
What do I stand for?
What is my purpose?
What really matters?
As a daily practice of self-examination, I tend to self-reflect at the end of each day, after I've completed my work and I've had time with my family. By midnight or so, I've finished my phone calls and emails and I've had time to exercise. In those quiet moments, I take 15 minutes to reflect on my day. Sometimes, I'll take a half hour or longer, depending on what is going on in my life. This dedicated time for self-reflection has become a habit like brushing my teeth. For me, it is the perfect way to end my day and to give myself clarity and a way forward for the day ahead. For example:
What did I say I was going to do today, in all dimensions of my life?
What did I actually do today?
What am I proud of?
What am I not proud of?
What would I do differently if I could live today over again?
Knowing what I know now, how will I act tomorrow?
You may ask similar questions, or they may be very different depending on your priorities, values, and circumstances. Ask yourself questions that are most relevant to you. It may be worthwhile to record your reflections in a journal, especially to review your thoughts later. I find this extremely helpful, because writing down my self-reflection not only increases my self-awareness but also provides a structure that keeps me from slipping into daydreaming. Day after day, my self-reflection journals provide a record of where I am and what I'm thinking at any given time.
The more frequently you self-reflect, the more you'll already know your values, your purpose, and what really matters. This will enable you to spend more time on the questions that keep you accountable to yourself for how you're living your life. But that won't happen if you're trying to do ten things at once. Take some time to think about these questions to put your life into perspective. As you prioritize, you'll separate activity and productivity. What seems infinitely complicated can be broken down into discernable parts to be addressed and dealt with in a reasonable way. Or, as I like to say, I can get from the roots to the trees to the forest!
MY SELF-REFLECTION JOURNEY
Although self-reflection is a major part of my life, it was something I had to learn. I am very fortunate that I had experiences when I was young that introduced me to the kind of thinking about myself and the world that I practice today as self-reflection. I can remember being seven years old and walking around Central Park in New York City with my maternal grandfather, Farrell Grehan. He was a history teacher and would discuss historical figures and important events, all the way back to the times of the ancient Greeks and the Roman Empire.
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