DBT For Dummies. Gillian Galen

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misuse, dangerous sexual behavior, erratic driving, and difficulties in controlling anger. (See Chapter 2 for more information on emotion dysregulation.)

      In DBT, we want you to move from impulsivity to spontaneity. In this chapter, you find out how to shift from impulsivity to spontaneity by moving past initial reactions, opening yourself up, and changing negative thoughts to positive ones. But first, we explain the differences between being impulsive and being spontaneous.

Distinguishing Impulsivity and Spontaneity

      Impulsivity is a complicated behavior and considered to be both a personality trait and a component of chemicals and nerve cell connections in the brain:

       From a personality trait point of view, impulsivity is a lack of restraint characterized by a disregard for social conventions and a lack of consideration as to the possible outcomes, particularly in potentially risky situations.

       From a neurobiology point of view, impulsivity is seen as a lack of ability to inhibit certain actions.

      Slightly different from impulsivity, which is the action of doing something without considering the impact of the behavior, is the related idea of spontaneity. Although in each case the outcome of behavior isn’t known, spontaneity has a different quality. Spontaneity is behavior that tends to be joyful, expansive, and dynamic. Whereas impulsivity tends to have a narrow focus, spontaneity has a big-picture perspective. Even though the outcome might not be known, spontaneity is uplifting in its nature — for instance, calling a friend out of the blue and meeting them for lunch, taking a French language class after seeing it advertised in a magazine, and breaking out into dance while pushing your cart down the aisle of the grocery store when you hear your favorite music being played.

      

In either case, the behaviors are impromptu. So, what makes one life-enhancing and another potentially destructive? One key element is the state of mind that you’re in when you do the behavior:

       Typically, if the behavior is coming from strong emotions like fear or anxiety and it’s used to alleviate the discomfort of the emotion, it’s impulsive. When there’s fear of missing out on an activity, excessive boredom, or an insistence on needing something to happen right then and there, impulsivity tends to show up.

       If, on the other hand, the decision comes from a sense of grounded stability, or when there is a recognition that there is an opportunity in the situation and we are in control of our behavior, that is the quality of spontaneity.

Moving Beyond Your First Reaction

      

Impulsivity often leads to undesired consequences, and in retrospect it seems easy to consider that you could have done something other than what you did. At the time, you may have felt that there were no other options, and yet between an impulse and an action there is always a space, and it is when you linger in that space that other options unfold. Among the available psychotherapy options used to tackle impulsivity, mindfulness is especially helpful in changing impulsivity-driven actions, and so it is in the mindfulness module of DBT that impulsivity is most readily addressed (see Chapter 9).

      The following sections provide pointers on how to effectively use the space between an impulse and an action in order to make different choices.

      Taking a breath

      Taking a breath to target impulsivity isn’t some theoretical exercise; a research base shows that it helps. For instance, in one study, more than 500 teens aged 14 to 18 who went through a four-week program where they learned yoga-based breathing techniques had better impulse control than a comparison group of teens who didn’t go through the program.

      Taking a breath is an excellent way to deal with an urge to do something impulsive. A focus on the breath is a way to reach the gap between the urge and the action, and the more you practice this, the more you’ll see that this gap exists. Also, the more you practice this, the bigger you will see that the gap is. Although you’re breathing all the time, it’s unlikely that you’re paying attention to each of your breaths. This is particularly true when an impulsive action is about to happen in the context of high emotions.

      

Here is a way to focus on the breath:

      1 Take a deep, slow breath in through your nose. This inward breath should last somewhere from four to six seconds.

      2 Breathe out through pursed lips, as if you were blowing up a balloon. The outward breath should last longer than the inward breath — for instance, five to eight seconds.

      3 Focus on breathing this way for about two minutes. After a few minutes, pay attention to the point when the inward breath stops and the outward breath begins.

In this book, you should practice all the recommended exercises when you don’t need them, so that when you do need them, they are available. It’s the same as taking practice tests before an exam, so that when the exam comes, you’re ready, or practicing tennis before the match, so that when the match comes, you know what to do.

      

The next time you’re likely to do something impulsive, practice this breath for five minutes. You might still decide that you’re going to engage in the behavior based on your urges, but on the other hand, when you slow down, the pause might allow you to fully consider the consequence of your actions.

      Finding your emotional balance

      Experiencing stressful situations and having no time to unwind can lead to psychological distress. The thought of dealing with life’s stress can feel impossible, and many people choose to ignore or avoid dealing with problems that come along. DBT teaches that avoidance of dealing with stress can lead to more stress, and so rather than avoiding the stress, finding emotional balance is a way to manage these situations.

      

But what is emotional balance and how do you achieve it? Typically, when in the heat of an unwanted situation, most of us react with strong emotions — typically anger, fear, anxiety, worry, or sadness. Having emotional balance is the practice of balancing these unwanted emotions using effective ways of dealing with them so that you don’t end up stuck in them or spend your time ruminating about how terrible and unfair life is. Finding this balance is also a way to increase happiness, improve motivation to do things differently, and help you get a good night’s rest.

      Specific steps can help you practice, build, and maintain emotional balance. SUN, WAVE, and NO NOT are ways to do this, as you find out in the following sections. You can also practice gratitude and use behavioral activation.

      In finding balance, you can use emotion regulation skills (see Chapter

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