how liberal I was when I was nineteen. But education for women, yes indeed!—not just piano lessons and Russian grammar pour les filles Bakunin, though mind you, they write better Russian than I do—what a shame there's nothing worth reading (over his daughters’ protests), apart from …
DAUGHTERS Pushkin!
ALEXANDER … Pushkin. But I tell you, Baron, in choosing my eldest daughter you have chosen the cleverest—
VARVARA I prefer Kozlov.
ALEXANDER —brains before beauty, I wish I'd done the same—
DAUGHTERS Oh shame!—Shame on you, Papa—I hereby protest on behalf of my beautiful sister—Don't you listen, Liubov—
VARVARA Quiet when your father is speaking—
MISS CHAMBERLAIN What did your father say?
LIUBOV I take it as a compliment, Papa.
VARVARA So do I.
TATIANA The Baron doesn't think so, do you?
RENNE No! No … Liubov is as beautiful as your wife is intelligent.
ALEXANDER That's what I said. What a diplomat! Come on, Liubov, my darling, we're waiting.
LIUBOV I'm sure the Baron doesn't want …
ALEXANDRA I can, Papa! (She pops up, standing rigid. In ‘English’) ‘How do you do, Baron Renne! I say! charming weather, you do not think!'
She sits just as suddenly, and Tatiana follows suit.
TATIANA (in ‘English’) ‘The quality of mercy is not strained, it dropping like the gentle dew from heaven!’
Tatiana sits. Alexander continues imperturbably.
ALEXANDER I myself was educated in Italy. My doctorate in philosophy is from the University of Padua.
MISS CHAMBERLAIN Jolly good effort, Tatiana.
RENNE Really? Philosophy?
VARVARA What did she say?
ALEXANDER My dissertation was on worms.
TATIANA Shakespeare, Maman.
RENNE Worms the philosopher?
ALEXANDER No, just worms.
VARVARA I mean Miss Chamberlain, qu'est-ce qu'ele a dit? [What did she say?]
RENNE Ah, the philosophy of worms.
VARENKA Elle l'a félicitée, Maman, c'est tout. [Good effort, Maman, that's all.]
ALEXANDER Not at all. Worms have no philosophy, as far as is known.
VARVARA How can you teach them anything if you can't talk to them?
ALEXANDER Exactly.
MISS CHAMBERLAIN I'm so sorry, what did your mother say?
ALEXANDRA (in English’) ‘No lessons tomorrow, she said, holiday.’
MISS CHAMBERLAIN I think not, see me afterwards.
ALEXANDER That's enough English for now. Anyway, a wife who knows English is not the first consideration for an officer in the Cavalry, otherwise you'd be better off with the governess—No, I only have one serious objection to this marriage, my dear Baron—
DAUGHTERS Oh, no!—What's he going to say next?!—Don't you listen, Liubov!—Father, don't—!
VARVARA (raps the table) Enough!
ALEXANDER Thank you. What was I saying? Oh, well, it's gone.
RENNE Actually, I have to be going myself while there's still light in the sky, if you forgive me, it's a good ride back to camp—
VARVARA Yes, you must, it wouldn't do to break your neck before the happy day, or after, of course.
Noises of arrival and greeting are heard.
ALEXANDER What's going on?
RENNE A thousand thanks—(for Liubov, gallantly)—a thousand and one—
VARENKA Someone's come.
SEMYON (entering) It's Michael, sir, large as life! He's come home!
MICHAEL BAKUNIN is nineteen, in uniform. His entry causes an excited and emotional reunion, as ‘the table’ breaks up.
FAMILY Michael!—Oh my, look at you!—Why didn't you let us know?—So grown up! Look at his uniform!—Let me kiss you!—You're not in trouble, are you? I prayed and prayed for you—How long are you staying?—
MICHAEL No, I'm on leave—I came straight from summer exercises!—
ALEXANDER It's my boy, he's an ensign in the Artillery.
RENNE Of course—the famous Michael.
LIUBOV (to Renne) Thank you for your visit, I'm sorry my family is …
RENNE Oh no, you're all so … wonderfully unrussian …
MICHAEL And congratulations are in order, I believe. Do I have the honour … ?
LIUBOV Baron Renne—I present my brother Michael—
RENNE You have been at the Artillery School in Peter?
ALEXANDRA For five years!
ALEXANDER (to Miss Chamberlain) Run and tell Semyon to bring champagne. ‘Command Semyon to provision—’
MISS CHAMBERLAIN (running out) Champagne, champagne, I understand—
TATIANA Our English governess, do you think she's pretty?
MICHAEL No, I think you're pretty.
RENNE (tapping his glass) Ladies and gentlemen! (addressing Michael) The Cavalry
