desire to find his guru. He walked through the Himalayas - in India, Nepal, and Tibet - searching for the guru who had come from the Himalayas to teach him yogic knowledge. It is said of Mahendra Baba that he never begged for food or other things - as most religious wanderers do - and that he often went hungry and in want, though usually people brought him food and gave him things he needed, without his asking. He spent much time in long fasts and meditated for long periods, wearing little, eating little, and speaking little. He was known for his severe penance. His growing number of devotees, including the rajah (king) of the Datta area, used to offer him food and sweets to ease his penance and preserve his health, but he rarely accepted these things.
For years, Mahendra Baba prayed that he might find his guru from the Himalayas, but he continued to be in ignorance of who he was. We are told that in 1949 Mahendra Baba had a vision at the Ambaji Temple in Datta in which the Goddess Durga came to him and told Mahendra Baba to go to the Almora District of Uttar Pradesh to look for his guru. His search in the Almora District is the first major theme in Mahendra Baba's book, "Anupam Kripa."
Early in the summer of 1949, he went to a temple in the town of Almora and stayed there for three or four days, but since he did not find his guru there he became restless and walked to Kosi, five or six miles away The next day he walked to a Surya Devi temple a mile above Kosi. In the evening, a villager offered to lead Mahendra Baba to another temple farther into the mountains. In the dark of early night, they walked along a path about a foot wide, high above a stream. Tired and hungry though Mahendra Baba was, there was no room to sit on the path and rest. After two hours, the villager pointed out the path to the temple and disappeared into the darkness to go home to his sick son. Mahendra Baba groped his way to a tiny village, but was stopped by barking dogs. He called out names of God and was heard by some women in the village temple, who sent a man to help him. The man offered to feed him, but Mahendra Maharaj asked only that he be led to the Shatrudra temple and, after midnight, they reached the Shiva Bolenath temple at Shatrudra.
As soon as Mahendra Maharaj drank the water of the stream that flows near the temple, his hunger and thirst vanished and he went to sleep on the porch of the temple. Very soon he was awakened by the priest of the temple, who, in great agitation, said, "Maharaj, tell me quickly what food I should bring for you. Tell me quickly, for the Lord Himself has told me sternly that an ascetic is hungry, and I am to feed him. See how, even now, my heart is beating!" Mahendra Baba protested he wanted nothing and he was so obviously tired that the priest told him to go to sleep. As Mahendra Baba settled down to sleep again, the priest went into the temple and stumbled against a bundle in the darkness. It contained flour, so he insisted on making bread and a vegetable in great quantities and fed Mahendra Maharaj well.
From place to place, like this, for eleven days, Mahendra Baba was led across the Almora District to Sheetlakhet where he met Shiromani Pathak, who, after an all-night talk42, sent Mahendra Maharaj on to the Siddhashram, just half a mile or so below Sheetlakhet.
"I came to the Ashram with [its] priest. Even a poet would be unable to describe the beauty of the place. In the Ashram is a bungalow type of travelers' rest house, a Laxmi Devi temple, with a stream constantly flowing by, and a hermitage. On the highest point is another hut from which one gets a view of the snow-covered peaks of Nandakot, Badrinarayan, Nilkanth, and many others.
"At some distance from the hut there are two deodar trees known by the names of 'Nar' and 'Narayan.' The priest told me to seat myself there - though neither any sadhu nor pilgrim usually is allowed to stay in this hut. In it are kept only Shri Maharaj's pictures, His mala [rosary], some books on Durga, Vishnu, the Gita, and certain other things pertaining to religious observances. No one has any right to use it. But, by the Lord's Grace, the priest opened the lock as soon as we reached the hut.
"I saluted the pictures and made obeisance [pranam]. My mind became exhilarated at once. What was this? These pictures were of my Gurudev43 who had long ago made me His own when I was a student!"44
Immediately, Mahendra Maharaj was overwhelmed with doubt, confusion, and conflict. Joy and the pains of doubt chased each other through his mind. He thought of fasting, but when he slept, the Goddess Mother appeared in his dreams and said, "Brother, I am hungry." He woke up crying and offered food and sweets to the goddess, and then ate from the offerings. He could not concentrate on jap (repetition of God's names) or meditation.
For three days Mahendra Baba lived in this inner confusion.
"I used to ask myself, 'What is the use of passing my time this way? Even after meeting Him, He forgets me; I cannot live without Him. Oh, mind of mine!, either forget Him completely and get immersed in worldly wealth and ease, or, by the might of your soul-force, lay your head at your Beloved's feet.' I made up my mind that I would fast unto death from the following day or until Shri Maharaj would root out this doubt of mine...
"Due to the cold, I had a late bath, and said my prayers, did my meditation and jap, and read a part of the scriptures; then I closed my door carefully from the inside and chained it. There was a small window on one side of the room, but it was closed with an iron grille; even so, I closed the shutters carefully and pushed the bolt shut... Making my obeisance to Shri Maharaj, I intended to sleep, never expecting that His Grace would descend so soon on me.
"In Shri Bhagwat I had read of Dhruva and had also read the lives of modern saints, such as Narasingh Mehta and others. These great rishis had attained salvation after great trials borne with strength and devotion. I was inexperienced, not a devotee, with neither faith nor love, and did not expect to meet the Lord so soon - though I knew His Grace would descend on me, for, if He did not intend to bestow it on me, why should He have called me to His holy temple? I knew for a certainty that He would pour His Grace on me. Such thoughts ran through my mind for some time; then I felt sleepy, for I was not afflicted with such great love for Him as to drive away sleep. I did not want to eat or drink, my mind was not directed toward ceremonies or singing sacred verses, so I decided to pass my time in sleep.
"Unthinkingly, whilst going to sleep, I looked toward the door while stretching out my legs - and I saw Shri Bhagwan standing there! From where He had come, and when, these things are unknown. Due to lack of space, the suddenness of His appearance, overwhelming reverence, and weakness of body and mind, I could not get up, but sat up and put both my weak and sinful hands on His holy feet - speechless; I was struck dumb!
"Even though my eyes were directed at His holy feet, I tried to catch a glimpse of His lotus-like face. For some time, He kept looking at me affectionately, as if making me His own by His Grace. I was oblivious of all external things. I was not aware of anything, except the intoxicating nectar of His Presence. Only that day did I realize my complete merging in Him - a true state of oneness with Lord Shiva Himself.
"Breaking my trance-like condition, Shri Bhagwan asked, 'Baba, what do you want?' That sweet voice of Shri Bhagwan was indescribable. Saints like Shri Valmiki, Vaidvyas, and others, on such occasions, have thought silence the best speech. In His generous and compassionate presence, I became whole. He was as happy to call an orphan under His fearless protection as a nursing cow feels on seeing her weak and wobbly child! The beauty of His revered body, its fragrance, the delicacy of His skin and His gentleness were beyond not only my vision but my knowledge, also. Then, putting His hands on my head, He asked, 'Baba, what do you want?'
"Hearing these words from His lotus-like appearance, and at the sight of His holy feet, I felt in my heart as if a royal father, seeing his son's pitiful condition, was instantly ready to give away everything to relieve him; so also was Shri Bhagwan eager to help me by bestowing on me the boon of all worldly and supernatural powers. Shri Bhagwan, Sambasadashiva, Lord of the Three Worlds and of all living creatures, was bestowing on me the great boon of salvation!
"I was filled with ecstasy! To appear before His child like this! To grant my wish by His Grace! With delight and great happiness, keeping my hands
