pressed to His holy feet, in a low voice I said, 'Your blessings.' The compassionate Lord's eyes filled with tears; His strong heart melted. Putting both His holy hands again on my head, and saying, 'Baba, this way has been closed: He disappeared from my sight."45
It took some time for the overwhelmed Mahendra Baba to calm down. After a while, he unlatched his door and went out onto the verandah, looking everywhere in amazement and happiness, to see if he could see Lord Shiva again. The ashram priest came by and Mahendra Baba asked him to go and ask Shiromani to come to him, and to bring food from the shops in Sheetlakhet. Mahendra Baba stood confused as to whether what he had seen was a reality or a delusion.
"...There were a number of reasons for my doubt. First of all, I have a doubting nature; secondly, Maharaj was not dressed in a cap and kurta [the long shirt] when He appeared to me; a short length of cloth was wrapped around His waist, and half of it was tied lower down. The cloth was very bright and attractive. In a semi-conscious condition, thinking of Shri Prabhu's compassion and power, again and again I was overpowered with the joy of His Presence.
"Meanwhile, [Shiromani] arrived. The priest came a bit later with his purchases. I asked [Shiromani] what sort of clothes Shri Baba wore. In a grave voice, he explained that He had no special type of apparel. We sometimes made Him wear a kurta and cap, he said; sometimes a jacket and turban, and for a short time Shri Prabhu would accept whatever we gave. Generally, He had a dhoti [a long length of cloth], half of which was wrapped round the upper part of His body, and the rest around the lower part.
"As soon as I heard this, my doubts vanished. Then, pointing to the side of the room Shri Bhagwan had glanced at just before He left, I asked him, ' [Shiromani], was there ever a door on this side of the room?' [Shiromani] was greatly astonished at this question. Falling at my feet, he asked, 'Are you deluding me? Are you yourself Shri Haidakhan Wale Baba? He, also, did not have any fixed likeness! The All-powerful Lord, putting on all sorts of forms; He was in the habit of appearing in various forms; He was God!' Saying this, he started weeping.
"Now Shiromanji regained his composure and, holding me by the hand, took me into the room. He pointed out to me certain signs showing where a door-frame had been formerly, in the direction toward which Shri Maharaj had pointed. It was only a mark of where the door had been. I could not fully understand the significance of the door and so I requested [Shiromani] to explain it fully to me. He told me that Shri Maharaj's room had a door on that side, but one of the devotees had it blocked and opened another, for his own convenience. This was enough for me; I had been granted what I longed for, and my heart said that even if I died now, I had, by His great blessing, attained peace in this world.
"For the next five or six days there was no will to do anything. Then a strong desire arose that the world should hear the blessed and compassionate message of Lord Shiva. Only He could save humanity in these dark days in the world. I examined and searched my heart minutely to see whether there was any lurking desire hidden in my heart to achieve greatness or fame for myself, which sought to be gratified in this way. But it is useless to write more about that, for by the Lord's blessing, such a motive was not there, and is not now present. The prompting of this wish was for the good of humanity only, and especially for those who believed in me as their spiritual teacher, and wished to attain salvation through my help - though often then, and even now, I explain my inability to give them this aid. I explained to them that this is all Bhagwan's Lila [God's activity or 'play'] and I was a mere messenger of His. But I felt I should give to humanity this blessed message of the Lord. So be it!"46
After leaving Siddhashram, Mahendra Maharaj made a visit to Haidakhan - the first of many visits there. He spent about a week in the cave where 'Old Haidakhan Baba' used to sit. During the third or fourth night of his stay, he was awakened by a rattling sound, which was repeated two or three times. When he fell asleep again, the noise woke him again and he jumped up in alarm. He was amazed at his fright; he had slept in fearful forests and on mountains without such fear. Thinking that whatever God sent him was for his good, "not out of faith or fear, but just to pass the time"47 he started reciting prayers. He lost consciousness and in this state he composed prayers to Shri Munindra (one of the names of The Divine) through the power of divine Grace. Repeating the verses gave him great joy. But after saying them once, he started to forget them. He thought that if he had a pencil and a light he could have written them down. Then he thought that if they were inspired by God, God would not forget them but would bring them back to Mahendra Baba's memory in the morning, whereas if they were of his own making, there was no harm in forgetting them. So he went peacefully to sleep.
A teacher from the village used to pass by the cave and bring milk to Mahendra Baba. At 8 a.m., the teacher found Mahendra Baba still asleep and awakened him, saying, "I think you are an educated person; take this pencil and paper in case you wish to write something."
Before drinking the milk, Mahendra Baba sat on a stone near the river, in front of the cave, and, after saying a short prayer, he began writing the verses which had come to him in the night. "Ah! At that time each word of the invocations appeared as if illumined. With extreme joy I wrote down the mantric illuminated words with hands trembling with emotion; then, thanking God for His boundless grace and greatness, I drank the milk."48
Mahendra Maharaj stayed in the cave another three or four days and composed poetic invocations and prayers without any effort. Some gave teachings; others gave explanations of beautiful but difficult Sanskrit verses. The thought came to him that since childhood he had prayed that he did not want wealth, acclaim, beautiful women, or poetry, but here, by God's grace, he had acquired this poetic power which he was using with joy. He concluded this gift was an enticement, a test49 - and Mahendra Maharaj tore up all his own compositions, saving the divinely given one, and left Haidakhan.
Shri Manherlal K. Vora of Bombay states that soon after the experiences at Siddhashram and Haidakhan, Mahendra Baba came to the Vora home, still pondering his experiences, still wavering between faith and doubt. Mahendra Baba had Mr. Vora take him to Ramana Maharshi's ashram50 at Tam Vana Malali near Madras. There Mahendra Maharaj was reassured that Haidakhan Baba was great, and was a reality, and that he (Mahendra Baba) was in good hands.
Mahendra Baba wrote to many friends and acquaintances about his experiences; he began to teach and preach more urgently the Message of God; he assembled the Haidakhan Aarati (the sung worship service), writing parts of it himself and incorporating hymns from other traditional aaratis; he went to the several ashrams established by 'Old Haidakhan Baba' and repaired and maintained those which had decayed, and united the devotees 'Old Haidakhan Baba' had left with those who learned of Him through Mahendra Baba's efforts.
Some Experiences with Babaji
As you may remember, Mahendra Baba went to Vrindaban and its vicinity because of his great devotion to and love for Lord Krishna. One day he was bathing in the Ganges River and thinking of returning to Vrindaban after his bath.
"Reciting the mantra to my Guru whilst bathing, I prayed to the compassionate Lord, Shri Haidakhan:
"Prabhu [God] You are Ishwara, the Refuge of all creation, .the embodied Guardian and ever-existing, compassionate Lord. It has been said, 'O Lord, Your supremely effulgent Form is the complete form of God; O Changeless God, there is none to equal Thee in the universe.' Therefore, I pray for a vision of You at Vrindaban in the form of Shri Krishna.'
"I made this prayer and then forgot it. There is no doubt of the fact that Shri Prabhu, Manmunindra Shri Haidakhan Baba, and the Great Lover, the happy Lord Shyam of Vrindaban, are one and the same."51
Back in Vrindaban, one morning Mahendra Baba came upon a place associated with Krishna, where a play was being presented under a banyan tree, with Krishna playing His flute to Radha. Mahendra Baba remembered his desire
