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to tolerate the discomfort of self-reflection, to turn reactivity into responding, and to develop self-care practices to support your wholeheartedness. Being mindfully self-aware means understanding yourself and committing to being the best version of yourself.
| Score | |
| 1.I don’t usually get worked up about little things. | ______ |
| 2.I know which parts of my personality are “challenges,” and I’ve learned to embrace them without engaging in destructive behaviors. | ______ |
| 3.When I’m upset, I’m able to be compassionate with myself. I don’t beat myself up when I’m already down. | ______ |
| 4.I have ongoing practices that support my ability to stay mindful. | ______ |
| 5.I value my relationships with people besides my partner; I have a community that I’m able to give to and receive from. | ______ |
| 6.I like my sense of humor and often laugh at myself. | ______ |
| 7.I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of being vulnerable, although I am discriminating about where I show it. I share it with appropriate and supportive others. | ______ |
| 8.I’m an introspective person, and I reflect on why I think, act, and feel the way I do. | ______ |
| 9.I value the quality of generosity and work to develop it in myself. | ______ |
| 10.I understand the impact my history has on my current life. | ______ |
| 11.I’m comfortable being alone as well as being around others. | ______ |
| 12.I feel that I’m living close to the values I hold dear. | ______ |
| 13.I care deeply about my partner but know that the most important part of my well-being depends on the relationship I have with myself. | ______ |
| 14.I understand the general makeup of my personality: whether I’m an introvert or extrovert, what my go-to defense mechanisms are, which environments I mesh well with and which ones to avoid, and what motivates me and what deters me. | ______ |
| 15.I make my own mental, emotional, and physical health a major priority in my life. | ______ |
| TOTAL SCORE | ______ |
Relationship Skillfulness
Relationship skillfulness refers to your ability to use specific skills to resolve conflict and express appreciation, affection, and compassion. Most prominently, this includes the ability to communicate both your positive and your negative emotions in ways that enhance your relationship. There is an art to sharing both your vulnerable and your loving feelings, while also being able to express your negative feelings in a way that preserves your connection. Relationship skillfulness also includes being able to openly receive your partner’s feelings — both the loving ones and the difficult ones.
| Score | |
| 1.I easily use “I statements.” | ______ |
| 2.I take responsibility for my part of the trouble. | ______ |
| 3.I’m empathetic when listening to others. | ______ |
| 4.I don’t seek out arguments or problems with the things people say or do (I don’t badger, provoke, or nag). | ______ |
| 5.I attempt to understand someone’s perspective before making judgments about their words or actions. | ______ |
| 6.I make an effort to repair my relationships when there is strife. | ______ |
| 7.I don’t think I’m always right, and I’m willing to admit that. | ______ |
| 8.I’m comfortable being vulnerable with people who are close to me. | ______ |
| 9.I set clear and healthy boundaries, not too rigid but not too loose. | ______ |
| 10.I know how to complain without criticizing. | ______ |
| 11.I’m able to forgive and apologize. | ______ |
| 12.I recognize nonverbal cues in others. | ______ |
| 13.I practice being an attuned listener, and I rarely interrupt others because I truly want to know what they have to say. | ______ |
| 14.I’m aware of how my body language and facial expressions may come across to others. | ______ |
| 15.I recognize when I’m getting defensive about something and consciously calm myself down, so I can have thoughtful and healthy conversations. | ______ |
| TOTAL SCORE | ______ |
Care and Nourishment of Your Relationship
When you take the time to nourish and care for your relationship, you make it a priority to create time to talk, experience new adventures and pleasures, give gratitude and gestures of intimacy, and seek guidance from professionals when you encounter the inevitable bumps in the road.
| Score | |
| 1.My partner and I have similar values and respect the ones that are different in the other. | ______ |
| 2.Although we may have had nasty arguments in the past, we’ve learned from them and continue to discover more about how to argue in healthy, productive ways. | ______ |
| 3.I don’t let our disagreements get in the way of loving my partner. | ______ |
| 4.I want to treat and respond to my partner with the most loving and mature part of me. | ______ |
| 5.There are times that my partner discloses more (or less) than I do or can. I feel a little uncomfortable with it, but I also know we are different people and that it’s okay. | ______ |
| 6.I appreciate when my partner is honest with me, even if it’s not always what I want to hear. I know that my partner would only say negative things about our relationship if there were important problems we needed to repair. | ______ |
| 7.I recognize that communication about our issues needs to happen early on and be done in a productive way. I don’t build up resentment, “sweep it under the rug,” or resort to pettiness. | ______ |
| 8.We are affectionate: holding hands, kissing, and cuddling are a regular part of our relationship. | ______ |
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9.I can count on my partner
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