still be in the life of a child who does not receive the sacraments. He will give them the grace they need. Remember, he loves them. The God who knocked Saul to the ground and converted him from killing Christians to being one of the greatest Christian leaders can surely touch the hearts and souls of our grandchildren. The sacraments of the Church are beautiful gifts through which God works in our lives. But God does not need them. We are the ones who need them.
Pope Francis warns us, “To raise doubts about the working of the Spirit, to give the impression that it cannot take place in those who are not ‘part of our group,’ who are not ‘like us,’ is a dangerous temptation” (Apostolic Journey to Philadelphia, September 27, 2015). To stress his point the pontiff quoted Jesus: “If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him?” (Lk 11:13).
So, let us pray to God to bless our grandchildren with the graces of the Holy Spirit. Let us pray to the Holy Spirit to guide young parents and lead them and their children to the graces he longs to give them through the sacraments of the Church. Let us ask Our Lord to help us respect and honor the parents of our grandchildren, so we can humbly accompany them on their sacred journey to raise our grandchildren.
For Reflection
1. What parenting decisions and techniques used by my grandchildren’s parents most impress me? Do I let these young parents know of my support for the good work they are doing in raising their children?
2. What can I do to help my grandchildren see that I respect and honor their parents?
3. Do I fully respect the right of my sons and daughters — both those by birth and by marriage — to make the rules and raise their children as they think best? If not, why not?
4. Do I believe God loves my grandchildren even better than I do? Do I trust he can overcome any obstacle in bringing these children into relationship with him?
A Grandparent’s Prayer
Heavenly Father, you have commanded us to honor fathers and mothers. Help me to honor and respect the parents of my grandchildren. Let me never do anything to undermine the authority you have given them over their children. Help me to model for my grandchildren how to be obedient to the wishes of those in authority over them. I bow humbly to you and to all those you have trusted with authority. Amen.
Chapter 2
Acceptance
“I can’t wait until I am a grandparent,” a friend once said to me.
“Don’t wish your life away,” I told him. He was a young man with five children under the age of ten. I was a grandmother enjoying my first grandchild. Why would he want to fast forward his life to the stage where I was?
He was an outstanding dad. He cherished his time with his young children. Yet, he explained why he also envied my position. He told me I had more of the fun and good times and less of the difficult and tough moments. He was right.
A comic bumper sticker says, “Grandchildren are your reward for not killing your children.” While being a parent is a wonderfully joyful and rewarding experience, being a grandparent is somehow just a little better. Being a parent is like climbing beautiful mountains. But it also comes with the risk of being plunged down into deep and dark valleys. Being a grandparent is like being on a plateau of joy. Parents have a profound love and pride for their children, but they also know worry, frustration, and impatience. We grandparents often have a more level relationship with our grandchildren.
In a homily on the feast of Saints Joachim and Anne, the patron saints of grandparents, our parish priest said, “I have never met a grandparent who did not think his or her grandchildren were the most perfect, amazing grandchildren ever.” It is true that as grandparents we get to see more of the good in our grandchildren and less of the naughty. We have more fun times with them and less of the work and discipline. We are able to enjoy their strengths and their goodness, while parents have to deal with their weaknesses and faults.
The Acceptance of Youth
So, what can we learn from all this goodness we see in our grandchildren. One virtue I admire in my young grandchildren is acceptance. It seems to me they are very accepting of people and situations that we adults may have learned to judge in negative ways.
When my granddaughter was only three years old, her family moved to a new home thirty minutes from her preschool. Even though it meant driving over an hour a day just to take her to or from her old preschool, her parents made the decision to let her finish out the semester there. They did not want her to experience too much turmoil in her life all at once. She loved everything about that preschool. She loved her teachers. She loved the playground. She loved all her friends. I worried how she would adapt to being put into a new school after the Christmas break.
As grandparents often do, I worried unnecessarily. The first time I saw her after she had started in the new school she was bubbling over with enthusiasm for her new school, her new teachers, and her new friends. I admired the acceptance with which she embraced the change in her life. She especially talked about her new friend. He was so funny. He made her laugh. He was so nice. He showed her where everything was in her new classroom. He helped her when she was confused because they did things differently in this new school. He smiled at her when she was nervous or afraid. What she did not tell me — because she never even noticed — was that her new friend was of a racial background different from hers and he wore special glasses for a vision problem. None of this registered with her. She accepted him and liked him completely for the person he was inside. I thought how wonderful our world would be if we all were as accepting as this three-year-old.
Unfortunately, we rarely make use of the opportunity to learn from children. Instead, we tend to teach them our bad habits. This point was made in the musical South Pacific. Ahead of its times, the Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein production that premiered in 1949 and was made into a film in 1958 explored the tension and sadness prejudice can cause in our lives. One of the songs in the show is “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught.” It suggests that very small children do not pay attention to the differences in people. Yet, sometime around grade-school age, kids start mimicking the prejudices they see in the adults around them. Racism is something we learn as children, something we are, as the song says, “carefully taught.” We are not born with prejudices.
Prejudices are nothing new. The world into which Jesus was born was full of prejudices. The Jews did not like the Samaritans. The Romans hated the Jews. Even the apostle Bartholomew, originally known as Nathanael, had prejudices. When his friend Phillip told him about Jesus, Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come from Nazareth?” (Jn 1:46).
Yet, Jesus ignored and broke through all prejudices. The story of his birth shows the infant welcoming two groups not accepted in Judea — shepherds and foreigners. Throughout his life, he embraced those who were generally not accepted — lepers, Samaritans, tax collectors, and women. We are called to do the same. For the sake of our grandchildren, let us try to let go of the prejudices we may hold. The world will be a better place if we do.
Seeing Jesus in Others
To overcome our prejudices, however, we need to become aware of them. Only then can we avoid passing these biases to our grandchildren. Young children are often blind to the differences they see in others. Maybe that is one of the reasons why Our Lord told us, “Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom
