encourages her grandchildren to still love and pray for their mother even while teaching them to avoid the mistakes their mother has made in life. Saint Timothy offers us good advice for handling such difficult situations: “First of all, then, I ask that supplications, prayers, petitions, and thanksgivings be offered for everyone. This is good and pleasing to God our savior, who wills everyone to be saved and to come to knowledge of the truth” (1 Tm 2:1,3–4). If God wants to save everyone, surely he does not want us to condemn others. Rather, let us teach our grandchildren to accept and pray for those who do wrong.
Speak of the Good
Sadly, our society today seems to have a hunger to hear the negative. Has the media trained us to like bad news? Or do they bombard us with it all day because they know that is what will keep us glued to our screens? We may not be able to control the headlines, but we can control our own conversations — especially around our grandchildren. Let us start paying attention to how many conversations are filled with criticism and judgment rather than praise and kind words. We may find that we don’t often talk about the beautiful flowers tenderly cultivated in one person’s yard but will surely discuss the junk and clutter in another’s.
Saints, I believe, knew how to speak of the good. We often call a person a saint who never complains or never criticizes another person. Saint Ignatius Loyola tells us that thinking and speaking the good is a virtue we should strive to live: “Every good Christian ought to be more eager to put a good interpretation on a neighbor’s statement than to condemn it” (Spiritual Exercises, 22).
We may think we have the freedom to say whatever we want about another person, as long as it is true. However, revealing negative information about someone — even if it is the truth — is also a form of gossip. No one needs to know another’s secrets or weaknesses. Such hurtful conversations are “a sinful violation of the privacy of others” (United States Catholic Catechism for Adults, 434).
Even worse is to slander another person by making statements which are wrong or an exaggeration of the truth. As grandparents, we need to be alert to this kind of talk from our grandchildren. They may love to tell us stories about their friends, teachers, or siblings. If the stories seem to have a particularly negative tone, we may want to gently ask them if this is really the truth or the way it happened. We may have an opportunity to nip a bad habit in the bud.
It is much easier for us to accept one another if we look for the good rather than what is not. Our world very much needs people to see and accept the good in others. In their innocence, our grandchildren can teach us that when we forget this. In our wisdom, we can teach them when they forget. The message of the Gospel is one of acceptance. The teachings of the Church call us to love and accept one another. Aware that our grandchildren are watching us in all we say and do, let us learn to speak of the good in all people.
For Reflection
1. Do I affirm my grandchildren when they are open and accepting of others, or do I encourage them to embrace my own prejudices?
2. If my grandchildren speak negatively of another, do I help them think about why that person might appear in a negative way at that particular time? Do I encourage my grandchildren to remember that Jesus loves everyone unconditionally?
3. Do I impose materialistic and secular standards of excellence on myself or others? Is there a Gospel standard I can choose to uphold instead?
4. Do I find my conversations are often filled with judgment and negative comments? How can I learn to speak more of the good in life and less about the things I judge to be lacking?
A Grandparent’s Prayer
Ever-present Spirit, please be with me always. Enter my heart when I fail to accept another one of God’s children and remind me that our Father loves us all. Enable me to give up my bad habits of judging others. Help me show my grandchildren how to be loving, sensitive, and accepting of all people. I ask this through Christ our Lord, who has called me to love and accept all people. Amen.
Chapter 3
Compassion
We were laying on our bellies under the Christmas tree. Our heads brushed the lower branches of the tree and our faces were close together as we inspected the manger scene. We were discussing each figure. Mary, the mother. The shepherd, who brought a baby lamb. The angel who came to adore the new baby. Then my two-year-old grandson touched the tiny figure of Jesus with his tiny, bare arms and legs stretching out from the straw-filled crib. My grandson said, “He cold.”
I wasn’t sure I understood him, so I asked him to tell me again. Grabbing the soft polka-dot blanket he always had beside him, my grandson said: “He cold. Need blanket.”
I clarified: “You think baby Jesus is cold and needs a blanket?”
My grandson nodded enthusiastically, popping his thumb in his mouth and rubbing his own blanket against his face.
I was amazed. This little boy, who was just learning to talk, felt compassion for a ceramic figure of Jesus. I could have told him that the real Jesus was fine. Jesus was warm in heaven with his daddy. Yet, I knew all across our city on this cold December day Jesus really was cold. I did not want to discourage my grandson’s budding compassion. For years, my four children made a soft bed for baby Jesus every Advent by adding pieces of gold yarn to a wooden crib when they did something nice for someone else. And every Christmas morning we carried the statue, wrapped only in its ceramic swaddling, down to the manger and placed it there before any presents could be opened. Yet never once did any of them worry if the little figure of Jesus was cold. We never wrapped the small statue in a piece of cloth. But here was my grandson full of concern for the tiny image of Jesus.
“Should we make baby Jesus a blanket?” I asked.
My grandson nodded happily, pointing now to the white felt tree skirt that wrapped around the base of the tree. I got a scissors, pulled a back corner of the skirt away from the tree and cut a small square. “Does this look good?”
He smiled, took the square of felt and laid it carefully on baby Jesus. Now, every year our Nativity scene has a square of white felt tucked around the baby Jesus. A notch is cut out of the back of the Christmas tree skirt. It is a reminder of the compassion my grandchildren are capable of showing.
Feeling Another’s Pain
Perhaps I was so touched by my grandson’s concern for the cold baby Jesus because I was seeing the dawning of empathy and compassion in him. Infants and small children are typically not much concerned with the feelings of others. They survive and thrive because they are self-centered. They do not care who they awaken in the middle of the night when they are hungry or uncomfortable. They are not worried about hurting someone’s feelings by declaring they do not like something. They think only of what they want when they grab for a toy or a breakable knickknack.
Those who study early childhood development say it is around the age of eighteen months when a toddler can begin to understand feelings. I have seen that with my grandchildren. They have a set of shape and color matching eggs. Each egg has a different facial expression. By the time she was two years old, my granddaughter could tell me which egg was happy, sad, sleepy, or angry. She liked to point to pictures in the books we read and tell me, based on the facial expressions, whether the character was angry, scared, or worried.
When we see these tender shoots of empathy sprouting in our grandchildren,
