lover, and you may find your libido rising right along with the elevation. “At home, there’s nothing to defy, to resist, to conquer,” says Perel. “Home is comfortable, it’s easy. Nature adds an edge.”
Priya, a nature-lover from South Africa, couldn’t agree more with Perel’s theories. “Worry is a great passion killer, and as nature relaxes you, chances are just much more favorable for romance,” she says. “In addition to that, usually you have far fewer distractions and responsibilities when you’re out camping; therefore you have more time to spend together, which is usually very limited in any work day.” Priya even finds the exertions of camping sexy. “The working up a sweat and getting physical relates to exactly what you’d be doing in the bedroom, not so?”
Kathleen Meyer, a longtime outdoorswoman and author (she wrote the popular tome How to Shit in the Woods, about the other call of nature), has all but abandoned her traditional bedroom. She and her partner, Patrick McCarron, love the outdoors so much that even at home they prefer to sleep outside on their uncovered deck. “The air feels so good compared to the indoor air,” Meyer says. “And having the sky open to you is tremendous. We watch the sky at night, and we know a lot of the constellations—they’re like friends up there. It kind of puts you in closer touch with the universe and makes you feel more a part of it.”
Not many of us can bring our camping practices home like they do, but imagine how wonderful it would be to snuggle in your double sleeping bag every night, enjoying fresh air and a starry sky together. When Meyer and McCarron do leave their Montana home and venture deep into the wilderness, it gives them an even greater thrill. “There’s nobody but us and the wolves and the moose up there,” Meyer says. “And just to feel the world as your own, to be that isolated, I find that thrilling.”
While Meyer and McCarron seem to have it all worked out, I have to admit that my own first experiences mixing camping with romance didn’t quite live up to my wildest fantasies. Mostly they involved a lot of muffling noises with body parts, Therm-a-Rest rug burn, and some rather inconvenient cramping. But I just knew that if I could get beyond the “technical difficulties,” there would be plenty of excitement and hot adventures waiting for me.
One morning, after a particularly unsatisfying night in the woods, I declared that there ought to be a book about how to have sex in a tent. It wasn’t until later that it occurred to me to write the book myself. Now, after a lot of fulfilling “research,” I am making it my mission to bring passion and romance to campers everywhere. I’m here to tell you that camping doesn’t just bring you closer to nature, it brings you closer to each other. It’s time to check out a whole new world of nature at its naughtiest!
Great Sex and the Great Outdoors
Consider your usual love life at home. If you’re like most of us, it gets squeezed in between working too much, making dinner, shopping, taking care of the kids, mowing the lawn, and a million other boring tasks. If you’re lucky, you’ve set aside a date night when you regularly have sex in the bedroom after dinner and a movie. The lights are out, and you’re on auto-pilot. It’s hard to be inspired when everything around you is so familiar and predictable.
Now consider your relationship outside of that bedroom box. Imagine spending a whole day walking hand in hand through the forest, flirting like you did when you first met. Picture your protective instincts kicking in when you think you might be lost. Connect with your most primitive passions and imagine lying in a pile of fallen leaves, naked with your soul mate (or perhaps your first date). It’s not your usual Saturday night in—and it’s bound to take you places you don’t normally go.
Venturing into the wilderness with your partner creates a different dynamic in your relationship. You’ll have to throw away the typical gender roles. Women will have to pull their weight when it comes to carrying gear, and men will have to help out with dinner. And if you want to take a break from your regular roles during sex, well, that’s not a bad idea, either. Maybe it’s the lady’s turn to talk dirty. Perhaps your bandana would make a handy blindfold. Here’s your chance to push your boundaries and try something new.
Couples therapist Perel sees camping as a time when partners can really shake up the way they relate. “There’s something that goes beyond gender, into competencies and sensibilities,” she explains. “If one partner is more competent at home, but in nature, the other is more competent and has the power, the roles have shifted because he is at ease in that environment. So people who are shy at home might be more daring when they’re camping.”
For Kiwi camping enthusiast Justine, the “rough and ready” version of her man is a total turn-on. “There’s nothing sexier than seeing your partner happy in the bush with a streak of mud on his face,” she says.
It’s no surprise that we get the hots for our partners when we see this survivalist streak in them. It’s a matter of looking at someone you know all too well in a new light. Maybe you’re accustomed to seeing your guy lazing on the couch watching the game; when you watch him rigging a makeshift shelter, it’s a bit like discovering an endangered species. It’s intriguing and thrilling at the same time—is this really my man? “Very often, people are most attracted when their partner’s ‘otherness’ is accentuated—when they are competent doing things you can’t do,” Perel says. “There is a mystery—you see them from a distance. He’s doing something that is his that has nothing to do with me.” Whether it’s catching fish for dinner or climbing a rock face, it feels great to remember why you admire the one you love.
My friend Maria recently got into a relationship with an outdoorsman. At first she was nervous about joining his adventures, but once she gave it a try, she found his wild side very attractive. “He is gorgeous at any time, but there is something about the wind in his hair, the color the mountain air puts in his cheeks, the effort of the exercise that makes him completely irresistible,” she says. Seeing him so confident in the wilderness is part of his appeal. “He’s spent a lot of time outdoors, doing some, what I would call ‘extreme’ sports (though I’m sure he would deny that they were extreme), and so he feels comfortable and happy during our trips,” Maria adds.
For me, sometimes it’s my own outdoorsy side that provides the spark. I feel so confident and inspired when I get to the end of a tough trail or reach the top of a mountain, that my self-esteem soars. Feeling so great about myself translates into feeling strong and sexy. I’m rarely the sexual aggressor at home, but inside the tent, I’m ready to say I’ve earned it! It’s not just the boys who look good with a bit of dirt under their fingernails.
Camping as a Couple
When I surveyed couples for this book, I was surprised by how many of them simply didn’t have a sex life when they went camping. There are people who think of camping as something to do with their buddies, so when they camp, they tend to treat their partner the same way—like a buddy.
Your buddies may think it’s hilarious when you pee over the side of the canoe, but your wife is less likely to be amused. I’ve been on group trips where the guys belched and farted around the campfire like it was half the fun of being there. The girls just rolled their eyes. The men needed to stop and think about how they behave on camping trips, and compare it to how they usually act around their partners. I’m willing to bet that none of those women was in a big hurry to have hot sex with her guy that night.
Suffice to say, bringing together your love life and your love of the outdoors may be a bit of an adjustment. Lifelong campers usually start out considering it an asexual hobby—more about toughing it out than indulging their fantasies. But spending time outside is a sensual experience. People go into the woods to awaken their senses—to feel the wind on their faces, to breathe the clean, fresh air, and to let the sun warm their skin. Jessica,
