“7. Have enjoyed religion more than usual, and felt peculiarly desirous of being more spiritual and heavenly-minded. Although I am almost secluded from the world, and have few things to attract my attention, yet I find that my heart frequently wanders from God, in search of happiness from other objects. I find it equally necessary to watch and pray, as when surrounded by worldly temptations.
“12. Spent most of the day in reading, and the evening in religious conversation. We conversed much on death, and the probability of our finding an early grave. The subject was solemn and affecting, yet secretly pleasing and consoling. I never felt more willingness to die, or a stronger hope in Christ. Am astonished that I have thought no more of dying, and made no more preparation for death. Resolve to make it the business of each day to prepare to die.
“13. Enjoyed more than usual in secret prayer. Continue to feel impressed with the conversation of last evening, and to realize the importance of living a holy, spiritual life.
“14. Have been reading the Lives of Sir William Jones, and Dr. Doddridge. What a striking difference between the two characters. The former distinguished for his erudition ; the latter for his piety. The great object of the one, was evidently the attainment of literary fame, and the applause of man. The other sought chiefly the good of immortal souls, and the approbation of God. Enjoyed much this evening in conversation and prayer. Perhaps some of my friends at home were praying for me ; and in answer to their prayers, the Holy Spirit came to animate and comfort my heart. I feel thankful that God has given me an opportunity, and inclined my heart, to leave all my friends for a heathen land. I desire no higher enjoyment in this life than to be instrumental of leading some poor, ignorant heathen females to the knowledge of the Saviour. To have a female praying society, consisting of those who were once in heathen darkness, is what my heart earnestly pants after, and makes a constant subject of prayer. Resolved to keep this in view, as one principal object of my life.
“April 6. Spent the evening in conversing on religious subjects, particularly the difficulty of living a holy, spiritual life. We resolved to be more watchful over the sins of our hearts, and make greater efforts to live devoted to God. O may these resolutions not be in vain ; for our future usefulness depends essentially on our advancement in the divine life. At present, I feel that I am a weak Christian indeed, and if only sincere, am willing to be considered the very least in the whole church.”
To her Sister.
“At Sea, April 11, 1812.
“I find Mr. Judson one of the kindest, most faithful, and affectionate of husbands. His conversation frequently dissipates the gloomy clouds of spiritual darkness which hang over my mind, and brightens my hope of a happy eternity. I hope God will make us instrumental of preparing each other for usefulness in this world, and greater happiness in a future world.”
“May 18. Have enjoyed an uncommon degree of peace and comfort for many, many days. I do not recollect any period of my life, in which I have, for so long a time, had such constant peace of mind. The last fortnight I have spent in reading the Scriptures and works on their authenticity and inspiration. Have gained much clearer views of the Christian religion, its blessed tendency, its unrivalled excellence. Christ appears peculiarly precious, amiable and glorious, as the author of such a religion. Of late, I have had no anxious feelings about my future situation in life, though all before me is so uncertain ; but have had a disposition to leave all with my heavenly Father, to do with me as he pleases. I sometimes feel very thankful, that God has called me from my friends and native land, to a land of strangers, of spiritual darkness and death, thereby giving me an opportunity of denying myself of those enjoyments, on which I have been too prone to set my heart; and has thereby, I trust, led me to feel more deeply my dependence on him, and choose him for my only portion.”
To Miss L. K.
“At Sea, N. Lat. 9, E. Long. 86.
“My dearest L——,
“When I reflect on the many sources of enjoyment I have left in my native land ; when I think of my home, and the friends of my youth, the idea of having left them for ever, is exquisitely painful. Yet I have never regretted having left them for the cause of Christ. No, my dear Lydia, in my most gloomy hours, or in the apparent near approach of death, I never have for a moment repented my having chosen the rugged, thorny path through which a Missionary must pass, in preference to the smooth and easy life I might have led in my native country. The thought of having acted from a sense of duty in thus voluntarily quitting my native land, has always been a powerful opiate to calm my fears in the midst of danger, and to induce me to place unlimited confidence in God.
“As it respects my voyage, thus far it has been pleasant. The morning we sailed, I was taken with sea-sickness. I had anticipated the most distressing sensations from this sickness, but was agreeably disappointed ; for I felt no worse through the whole, than if I had taken a gentle emetic. I kept my bed for the most of the time for four days. We had a strong favourable wind the first week we sailed, which carried us into mild, comfortable weather. The change of the weather in so short a time was so great, together with sea-sickness and the want of exercise, that I soon lost all relish for my food. Every thing tasted differently from what it does on land, and those things I was the most fond of at home, I loathed the most here. But I soon began to find the real cause of my ill health. It was want of exercise. For some time we could invent nothing which could give us exercise equal to what we had been accustomed to. Jumping the rope was finally invented, and this we found to be of great use. I began, and jumped it several times in the day, and found my health gradually return, until I was perfectly well. I mention these particulars, that you, should you ever go to sea, may escape ill health. I never enjoyed more perfect health in my life, than I do now; and I attribute it to my exercising so much.
“We found it exceedingly hot the first time that we crossed the equator. When going round the Cape of Good Hope, we had rough, rainy weather for twenty days. I never knew till then “the dangers of the deep.” I never felt before, my entire dependence on God for preservation. Some nights I never slept on account of the rocking of the vessel and the roaring of the winds. Yet God preserved us—enabled us to trust in him and feel safe. Surely we have every reason to confide in God, and leave it with him to dispose of us as he pleases. We have again crossed the equator, and are within a few days’ sail of Calcutta. My heart rejoices at the thought of once more seeing land. Yes, even the thought of seeing the land of strangers and heathenish darkness, produces sensations before unknown. We know not where we shall go, or in what part of God’s world we shall spend our remaining days. But I feel willing to leave it all with our heavenly Father. I doubt not he will protect us, and place us in that station in which we shall be most useful. I have spent the most of my time, since on the water, in reading. I knew I needed a more intimate acquaintance with the sacred Scriptures ; consequently, I have confined my attention almost exclusively to them. I have read the New Testament once through in course, two volumes of Scott’s Commentary on the Old, Paley, Trumbull, and Dick, on the inspiration of the Scriptures, together with Faber and Smith on the Prophecies. I have been much interested in reading these authors on inspiration, on account of my almost total ignorance of the evidences of the divinity of the Scriptures, and I gained fresh evidence of the reality of the Christian religion. O my dear Lydia, how much enjoyment Christians lose by neglecting to study the Bible. The more we are conversant with it, the more shall we partake of the spirit of its author, and the more we shall feel that this world is not our home, and that we are rapidly hastening to another.”
“May 24. Sabbath. We have had worship, as usual, in the cabin. The subject of the sermon was lukewarmness in religion. I felt, that a great part of it was applicable to myself. I am confounded, when I consider the indifference, with which I have regarded and treated so great a being as God. How little ardour I have felt in the cause of Christ, and how little zeal have I manifested for his glory. Under the impression of the truths
