a favorite moment with your loved one.
January 6
When you lose someone you love dearly, your heart simply cracks and breaks. You will likely feel truly heartbroken, almost as if there is a deep ache in your body. Some days all you will feel is this sorrow, this agony. Let yourself feel the heartbreak. You must feel in order to heal.
Today
How would you describe the condition of your heart?
January 7
What the caterpillar sees as death we know is a transition to the beautiful butterfly. We have that perspective. However, when it comes to our own death—or the death of our dear ones—we don't have such a clear perspective. Remember the butterfly and know that we don't have the whole picture. Breathe. Trust.
Today
Can you open yourself to mystery?
January 8
In the old days of grief counseling, grievers were advised to cut their emotional attachment to the deceased, to forget and move on. Can you imagine? Now we understand that deep love and strong attachments never end. It's never a matter of ending a relationship. Grief is a matter of integrating a different relationship into your life, one of spirit and formlessness. Death cannot break the bonds of deep, true love.
Today
Know that true love always transcends loss.
January 9
You may be a different person because of your loss, but you are also a different person because of your love. Think about how your life expanded by loving your dear one and receiving their love. Think about how empty life would be if you had never known them and experienced the blessing of them. Their love is still with you, woven inextricably into your soul.
Today
Who would you be if you hadn't known your loved one?
January 10
You may frequently wonder, how am I going to survive this? How can I endure this unbearable pain and sorrow? Do not think ahead; simply draw your attention back to one moment at a time, one breath at a time, and let it expand into one day at a time. Keep your focus narrow. Day will add to day, and you will live your way into the future. But for now, only this moment.
Today
Breathe. Focus on the in-breath, focus on the space between breaths, and focus on the out-breath.
January 11
Be gentle with yourself. The work of grief is exhausting. You may find that you are forgetful, that you cannot concentrate, and that you are fatigued easily. Grieving requires so much energy! Cut yourself some slack without judgment. Be extra kind to you.
Today
What kind gesture can you offer yourself today?
January 12
How would your beloved want you to live your remaining days? What would they say to you about your time left on the planet? Even as you grieve, know that life is to be lived. You will find a way to embrace life, even with a hole in your heart, because that is what they would wish for you.
Today
Choose life today in honor of your dear one.
January 13
Tears are a way to move emotion through the body. You never need to apologize for your tears. They are emotion overflowing. Let yourself cry in the shower, in the car, in your bedroom. It's far easier to let the tears flow than to try to hold them back. Release and let emotion flush through you.
Today
Let yourself cry.
January 14
Some days will feel like “bad” days, and some days will feel like “good” days. Try not to judge the days too much. Just know that some days the grief is close to the surface and may overflow with strong emotion. Other days, the love feels stronger than the loss and you're able to smile. All of these days are part of the process.
Today
Just let today be what it needs to be.
January 15
Find people who will not be afraid to share memories of your loved one. Be bold in asking friends, family, and colleagues, “What is your favorite memory of ____?” It is healing to remember, to revisit, and even to share a tear or two. Memories are a treasure trove, like golden nuggets that you will want to hold close to your heart.
Today
Hold a memory close to your heart.
January 16
It often isn't discussed, but it's very common to have signs or communications with those who have left the planet. Anything is possible, from strange electrical occurrences (lights turning on or off), to animal sightings, to dream visitations, to pennies appearing out of nowhere. Accept each signal as a gift, a loving intention. Your loved one wants you to know that they are still with you, now and always.
Today
Be open to receiving a sign from your dear one. If you long for this but it hasn't happened yet, just be open and curious.
January 17
I have heard grievers say that they didn't see color or taste food for years after a major loss. But then, at some point, color came back . . . taste was possible. Smiles happened. Laughter, too. Life returned. As you learn to live with loss and integrate sorrow into your heart on a daily basis, be open to the possibility that life is still worth living.
Today
Breathe in these words: “Life has color.”
January 18
Love is a gift. Love is such an immense gift, in fact, that it transcends time, place, distance, and space . .
