Today
Be curious and ask grief, What are you trying to teach me?
February 11
It's very natural to continue to feel as if you could just pick up the phone and call them . . . or drop by their house and talk to them. You may find yourself expecting to see them in their old chair or even sitting at the table. It takes a long time to register that their physical form is no longer here. And as you are reminded over and over again, it can feel like a fresh shock.
Today
Know that it's not easy to wrap your mind around the truth that their form is gone from this planet.
February 12
Acute grief can last from weeks to months to years. Eventually, it fades to subtle grief. Think of acute grief as a symphony, front stage and captivating. Subtle grief is more like a cocktail pianist playing background music. Grief changes, shifts, and plays a new tune, but it doesn't disappear completely.
Today
Welcome the music of grief in your life.
February 13
Valentine's Eve, holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries can be tough. Grief, of course, needs no special occasion, but the anticipation of a holiday is often especially poignant. Allow yourself to breathe through the feelings. You will get through this holiday, this one and future ones. It's another day to hold love and loss side by side.
Today
Watch, experience, and accept your grief as it unfolds.
February 14
Amidst your sorrow, remember that love is the greatest energy we know. It helps us expand, open, give, and bless. Look at how the love you have for your dear one can continue to express itself now—perhaps in new and surprising ways. Love keeps your dear one close. Love can help you reengage with life.
Today
Let your heart fill with love even in the midst of sorrow.
February 15
There is a time for every season . . . a time to mourn . . . a time to cry. Don't resist nature's call to retreat, to draw inward. It's important to let yourself feel your feelings and be in the grief. There will be a time for another season. Until then, follow nature's example.
Today
Remember that your feelings will cycle around, like the seasons.
February 16
The journey of grief is not a direct, linear route. You take a step forward, another back, and the path turns just when you least expect it. You thought you were going strong in one direction, and then you find that you must stop and rest. Be gentle with yourself. There is no goal or endpoint. Your journey may even take you down an unexpected path.
Today
Consider starting a grief journal. Let your feelings of each day make their mark on paper. Over time, you'll be amazed how love and grief companion together on this long and winding road.
February 17
They say that time heals all wounds, but that isn't completely true: It's how you spend that time that makes the difference. If you spend the time avoiding your grief, it only goes underground, where it makes you sick. If you spend the time getting increasingly bitter, time only makes you miserable. However, if you spend the time facing your grief, and even befriending it, if you spend your time embracing love and creating a new relationship with your dear one, then time will help you heal.
Today
What are you doing with your time?
February 18
Grief will flood you when you least expect it. You might be having a good day and then suddenly find yourself in tears. It could feel like grief blindsides you over and over again. Don't resist these outbursts of feeling—just sit with them and let them pass.
Today
Can you allow the grief to rise to the surface when it needs to?
February 19
You just don't know where grief is going to lead you. At the very least, it will introduce you to new people and to a deeper compassion for emotional pain. Think of those you have met in grief groups or on Internet support communities. True, you would always rather have your loved one back, but be open to where the path of grief will take you and whose path you will cross because of it.
Today
Whom have you met as a direct result of your loss?
February 20
We live in a world that doesn't like pain. We too might be tempted to turn from it, to keep a stiff upper lip. But grief asks us to touch pain, to sit with pain, to ask it to tea. Being with your sorrow is brave and courageous. Not only is there nothing wrong with you for feeling your pain, know that it takes strength to venture into this frightening territory.
Today
Remember that grief is borne of love.
February 21
While it's true that you're irrevocably changed after a major loss, it's also true that you were irrevocably changed for knowing and loving your dear one. Think about how they influenced you, changed you, and impacted you with their personality. Imagine if you had never known them. Both love and grief have shaped you and will continue to do so.
Today
Remember that you are the sum of both having lost and having loved.
February 22
No matter how many years go by—even if you've made meaning of your loss and moved on to a new you, a new life, with your loved one ever in your heart—there will be days when the grief feels as raw as if the loss has just occurred. This is normal. Honor the retriggered grief—ride the wave, and watch it ebb and flow like the tide.
Today
