is a foregone conclusion, or extremism, in which you view yourself as a lone crusader, constantly fighting and thrashing against the status quo. A healthy balance between practicality and optimism is the best way to move forward, and we’ll talk more about that later in the book.
My personal limiting beliefs were not completely unknown to me, but going through the exercise of contemplating and writing them down was eye-opening. I’d been walking around with some serious BS in my head about what I was capable of and what options were open to me. Here is a sampling of my own limiting beliefs that may help as you begin considering your own:
•This is all I know. I’m limited to this field.
•I don’t have what it takes to work for myself.
•People will see through me.
•No one wants what I have to offer.
•If I don’t have status, I’ll become insignificant.
•I can’t make the kind of money I want if I leave.
I could go on, but you get the gist. These are all of the “I am not enough” variety. When I dug into these beliefs and really thought about them, I realized how strangely basic they were: egocentric and concerned with being small, unseen, and unheard. Thoughts of this nature had been such an integral part of my thinking, embedded in my mind as if they were factual, that I didn’t have any reason to take a hard look at them and see them for the weirdly insignificant thoughts they were. You will have the same realizations, and you will be freed from the limiting beliefs that bind you if you have the courage to face them head-on. After going through the identification process, my response to my own beliefs was some variation of “That’s dumb!” or “So what?” or “That’s not even true.” People don’t like the real me? So what? I don’t have what it takes? That’s not even true. I don’t know enough to work in a different field? That’s dumb. And not true. Think of what you’d say to a friend who was confessing their own limiting beliefs to you. How would you respond? Chances are, it would not be with “You’re right. You totally suck. That will never work. Don’t even try.” We are much more generous and compassionate when talking with others. Act as your own friend when you become aware of your limiting beliefs, and defuse their power over you.
Because you’ve been programmed, the key to unlocking your transformation is to rewrite the programming and patterns that are keeping you in the hamster wheel of stagnation. As a high achiever, you have within you everything you need to do just that, but it can be hard to make the leap from a whole lot of what’s not working to what will actually serve you instead. I also know that, as a high achiever, you likely love your checklists and goals, so for that reason, in each chapter, I’m going to share a brief “To Don’t” list that you can use to keep yourself on track throughout the process.
To Don’t:
•Don’t judge yourself as you dig into your programming. We each have our own to deal with.
•Don’t try to fast-forward through the process. It will take time to undo years of unconscious beliefs.
•Don’t let your limited view of yourself stop you in your tracks. There’s a more powerful version of you beneath that limited view that you are trying to reach.
Do Instead:
•Remember that your experiences have shaped who you are today. You wouldn’t be the kickass high achiever you are without them.
•Stay curious and compassionate. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend.
•Invest the time and energy it takes to get started. You only need a few minutes of focused time each day.
Summing Up
Your personal sources of programming provide critical insight into how you got to where you are today. In our quick-fix way of life, it can be tempting to fast-forward to the remedy, but there’s no way around doing the deep work. Roll up your sleeves and get to it. The understanding you will gain about yourself and others as you do this work is priceless. You will walk away with a newfound appreciation of who you are and how you came to be, beginning to chip away at the self-doubt that keeps you from moving forward. I encourage you to keep a journal as you work your way through the process. There’s no better way to pleasantly surprise yourself than to look back and see how far you’ve come.
Remember:
•You’ve been programmed by many influences at work in your life, including your family dynamics, socioeconomic status, geographic location, political and religious influences, social network, etc.
•Limiting beliefs are formed through our experiences and sources of programming. There are two basic lenses through which we see limitations: the lens through which we view ourselves and the lens through which we view the world.
•Up to this point, you have been heavily influenced by the external world and its expectations, which naturally leads to stagnation as you are not expressing who you truly are, rather marching to the drumbeat that many others are marching to in the absence of a personal definition of success.
•Understanding your personal programming lays the foundation for going from a lack of fulfillment to empowered self-expression and intentional creation.
Get out your journal or laptop and begin your self-examination by contemplating the following questions.
1.Create a table or list and write down the thoughts that come to mind for each of these categories: family dynamics, socioeconomic status, geographic location, political and religious influences, social relationships, and whatever else comes to mind for you. Think in terms of the influence of each of these on you from early life until now. If one of these categories is particularly significant for you, spend some additional time focusing on just that area. For instance, if your family was active in the church and you suffered abuse at the hands of someone respected, how did what you were taught influence the way you decided how to handle the situation? Remember, do not judge yourself. Programming is incredibly powerful. Nothing you did or didn’t do is reason to be down on yourself. It just is, and now is the time to understand why.
2.Start identifying your limiting beliefs. When you consider doing something new or out of the ordinary, what thoughts pop into your head? If it helps, review the list earlier in the chapter until you get rolling. You can separate these into beliefs about yourself versus beliefs about the world around you, if that helps with focus.
3.Once you have some of your limiting beliefs down on paper, ask yourself the following about each:
a.Are they your words or someone else’s? Have those words been spoken before, about you or around you?
b.Do they contain absolutes, like always or never? Those words should be automatic triggers to identifying that particular belief as untrue.
c.Do they point fingers or look externally rather than internally? For instance, a thought like “They always gang up on me” looks outward to blame instead of inwardly asking “Why am I tolerating this?”
d.Are they excuses? Are you saying to yourself “I don’t have time” to do what should be high on your priority list? Again, the point is not to judge yourself, but to see where you are participating in holding yourself back.
As you keep track of your thoughts throughout this process, remember to date your entries and to keep your journal handy. If you have an important realization when you’re
