remember thinking: None of them has the health history and combination of symptoms that I have. Not one of them can possibly understand the kind of life I lead, the problems I have, the difficulties I go through every day.
Not surprisingly, the longer I dwelled on my “uniqueness” the more desperate and disconnected I felt. I had to pull myself back to reality and take the power from those self-destructive thoughts. I did so by looking once more around the waiting room, carefully this time, focusing not on the differences I imagined, but on the similarities.
How can I say that my pain is more severe than anyone else’s? How can I insist that my illnesses are more baffling, my symptoms more misunderstood, or my anger and frustration more intense? Why not, instead, concentrate on how much alike we all are, and as the result, benefit from wisdom shared, love exchanged, and hope renewed.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Focus on the similarities, not the differences.
January 5
“My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent.”
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
When I heard the phrase “window of opportunity” in connection with a space-shuttle launch, I could see a clear parallel in my own life. Because of illness, I have a limited amount of energy and often must push through pain in order to get things done. Within each day’s window of opportunity I usually choose the activities that provide the biggest payoff and most satisfaction.
Today I chose yoga class over housecleaning. Yesterday I chose gardening over shopping and cooking. The day before yesterday you may have gone to the mall instead of visiting your mother.
The problem is that your enjoyment and satisfaction in the activities you choose are often overshadowed by guilt. You can’t help feeling at times that you are being selfish by choosing pleasure over responsibility and self-enrichment over service to others.
But in truth there’s no valid reason for you to feel guilty. You’re not a selfish person and never have been. This is a very challenging time in your life. Like the space-shuttle astronauts, if you don’t take advantage of your windows of opportunity each day, you’ll never get off the ground.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Doing things for myself is just as important as getting things done for others.
January 6
“Have the courage to face a difficulty, lest it kick you harder than you bargain for.”
KING STANISLAUS OF POLAND
When we get to the point where we fully acknowledge our illness, including its devastating potential, we may think (or wish) that the problems we had before we became sick will fade away. The reality is that preexisting problems may require even more of our attention, especially in the area of personal relationships.
For example, if we had constant monetary disagreements with our spouse or partner, the financial strain of illness is likely to increase the burden. Similarly, if we had difficulties communicating, we will probably face even greater communication challenges. The reason is that illness brings up unfamiliar and often frightening feelings for both partners—feelings that need to be expressed and handled.
We may want to take the attitude “I’m too sick to deal with any of this.” But we know as adults that we can’t abdicate our responsibilities, so we must ignore the temptation to do so. We continue trying to strengthen our relationships, as an integral and valuable part of the healing process.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Now, more than ever, we need to work things out in order to be loving and close.
January 7
“All things are difficult before they are easy.”
THOMAS FULLER
We’ve all had the experience of trying to repair something highly fragile or extremely small—replacing the tiny screws in eyeglass frames, for example. As we know, such projects require a steady hand and a delicate touch. Sometimes the harder we try to control our fingers, the more shaky they become; the harder we squint and try to focus, the more our vision blurs.
The same can be true of our inner life. The harder we try to relax, to overcome pain, to achieve inner peace, or to improve our conscious contact with God, the more elusive these objectives become. And all too often, our seeming failure causes us to abandon our efforts in frustration.
However, when we stop trying so hard, when we stop struggling, when we let go and let it happen, we’re far more likely to be successful. Rather than “forcing” ourselves to become relaxed, we can unclench our fists and jaws, breathe deeply, and allow the tension to flow out of us. Instead of “battling” our pain, we can calmly return to those control methods that have worked in the past. Instead of straining willfully to move closer to God, we can quietly open ourselves to His loving presence.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Let go and let it happen.
January 8
“It is easy to live for others; everybody does. I call on you to live for yourselves.”
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
When worsening osteoarthritis in my hips made it necessary for me to start using a cane, my first reaction was a negative one. I saw the cane as a symbol of deterioration rather than a tool that would help me walk more easily and reduce pain. It took me some time to turn my thinking around.
Another obstacle I had to surmount was the reaction of some friends and family members. A few blurted out, “What’s the cane for?” or “You’re too young to use a cane!” Others simply looked at me with an expression of profound sadness. I realized they were upset for two reasons: First, because they didn’t want to see me suffering. And second, because a cane didn’t fit their image of me as a youthful, active, free-spirited person.
I used the cane for two weeks. Then, responding to other people’s reactions and my own self-consciousness, I left it home for two weeks. That hiatus convinced me how necessary and helpful the cane really was. Clearly, I must do what is right for my health, regardless of my own or other people’s reactions.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
I will focus less on self-image and more on self-healing.
January 9
“Better indeed is
