they almost always pay off in the long run.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Prevention may not always be possible, but it’s always preferable.
January 14
“To improve the golden moment of opportunity, and catch the good that is within our reach, is the great art of life.”
SAMUEL JOHNSON
When we first try a support group, many of us are restrained, skeptical, and cynical. Before we even walk through the door into our first meeting, we take the close-minded view that these people can’t possibly help us, because our circumstances are entirely different than theirs.
But then, sometimes within minutes, reluctance gives way to relief; we feel completely at home. As the weeks pass, we benefit in ways we could not have imagined, and our enthusiasm grows.
We soon realize that our case is not different at all, and that we can indeed learn a lot from others with the same illness. How comforting it is to calmly compare and discuss symptoms, options, doctors, and treatments. How freeing it is to dispel myths and acquire new tools for living and coping.
Week after week we are infused with new life as we see others resolving their problems and achieving their goals. Along the way, we receive encouragement and support for our own progress. In no time at all, it seems, our skepticism has given way to loyalty and commitment.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
There is much I can gain and much I can give.
January 15
“In the hands of the discoverer, medicine becomes heroic art…. Wherever life is dear he is a demigod.”
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
One night in a Chinese restaurant I spotted my cardiologist with his wife and three young children. I caught his eye and waved; he waved back and smiled broadly. Seeing him outside of the usual clinical setting was a comforting reminder of his humanness.
There was a time when I couldn’t feel that way. Like most people, I tended to put doctors on pedestals. I ascribed to them far too much power, and for that reason I was afraid of them.
Looking back, I can see how this attitude compromised my medical care. Since I perceived doctors as godlike authority figures, it was important to win their respect and approval. I wanted them to like me and felt they wouldn’t if I bothered them by asking too many questions, by calling the office, or by complaining about my symptoms. Only rarely did I question a diagnosis or a recommended course of treatment.
Despite my hard-won enlightenment, those childish feelings occasionally return. When they do, I remind myself that the effectiveness of my medical care depends in large measure on my participation—my objectivity, my honesty, and my assertiveness.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Pedestals are obstacles.
January 16
“Things are where things are, and, as fate has willed, So shall they be fulfilled.”
AESCHYLUS
When close friends find out about our illness, they often react by saying, “You’re such a good person. It’s so unfair that this is happening to you!” Our friends and loved ones are insisting, in other words, that it’s not right for bad things to happen to good people, and we couldn’t agree more.
Such feelings are understandable. If we dwell on them, however, that can make it more difficult for us to accept our illness. If we believe that “good” people shouldn’t get sick and die, aren’t we implying that it’s okay for “bad” people to be afflicted? Aren’t we saying, moreover, that illness and death are not natural parts of life but, rather, are eventualities that should befall only those who “deserve” them? And doesn’t our “bad things shouldn’t happen to good people” philosophy indicate that we see illness and death as punishment?
Unfortunately, we are indeed ill and frequently in pain. Since it is far easier to accept these realities by approaching them as natural parts of life, this might be a good time to examine and perhaps try to change our deep-felt beliefs, attitudes, and feelings on the subject.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
In God’s hands, in God’s time.
January 17
“Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend.”
HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW
When it became clear that you would be spending a lot of time in bed, you made the bedroom as comfortable, livable, and as inviting as possible. You bought a firm new mattress and a good reading lamp. You brought in books, plants, and a new TV. You had the windows washed and light-blocking blinds installed.
Now that you’re settled into your new environment, you vow that it will be dedicated to wellness rather than illness. Since you don’t want to shut yourself off from the world, even though that choice is tempting at times, you decide to put together a support network.
You take out pen and paper and thoughtfully prepare a list. You think first of those people who have already been helpful, who have demonstrated their willingness to be there for you no matter what. Who else? Who among your friends, relatives, and support-group contacts can you truly count on?
Then you make up another list, a shorter one, of the people who can’t handle your illness. Finally, you draw up still one more list, not of people, but of the things you can do to show your gratitude for the help you are receiving.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
How can I widen my world?
January 18
“It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.”
ANATOLE FRANCE
A friend stopped by to tell my wife and me that she had been diagnosed with a relatively uncommon inflammatory disease. When she mentioned its eight-syllable name, we said we had never heard of it.
“Very few people have heard of it,” she responded, “and I get really upset when I try to describe the illness and get them to understand what I’ve been going through. Some of them look at me blankly. One man at work actually backed away as if he might catch something from me.”
Her frustration brought me
