crushing disappointments. Now, I try to make the most of each day as it comes—not just the sunny ones, but the dreary ones too.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
I will accept each new moment of grace, gratefully and gracefully.
March 21
“All things are what you make them.”
PLAUTUS
One of the first things we discover in support groups is that even though our illnesses may be similar, we tend to “wear” them in different ways. Some of us respond and react to chronic illness and pain with a great deal of negativity; we put ourselves through lengthy periods of despair and isolation. Others become bitter and angry at society, government, parents, doctors, or God. Still others, driven by fear, become cynical and hurtful.
On another level, many people work hard to become accepting of pain and illness and try to view the conditions as natural parts of life. Some look for spiritual meaning in illness; for them it becomes an opportunity for personal growth. Along the same lines, some see illness as a guidepost of sorts, a signal to unburden themselves of tormenting character traits. They become willing to let go of resentments, to be healed through forgiveness.
Each of us has the opportunity to choose how we “wear” the illness. And each day we can choose again and start anew.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
I choose acceptance, and life.
March 22
“God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how.”
HENRY WARD BEECHER
The treatment process for just about every illness begins with attempts to discover and counteract a harmful organism, substance, deterioration, or malfunction that jeopardizes health or life. Then, once the initial crisis has passed, we may be motivated or even inspired to examine key areas of our life in the interest of continuing recovery and ultimate wellness. We do our best to make beneficial changes in our diet, work schedule, daily routine, and approach to stress.
But what about our relationships? We all know how painful and debilitating it is to be in discordant, unhealthy, or truly toxic relationships. With each traumatic turn of events or unsettling confrontation we feel alternately guilty, fearful, disappointed, confused, and exhausted.
This is not to suggest that we should automatically or ruthlessly eliminate toxic people from our life “in the interest of our health.” However, we would do well to take a close look at all of our relationships in order to determine which ones are building us up and which are tearing us down. We can then decide which to nurture, which to put on hold, and which to end.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Now, more than ever, I must carefully choose whom I allow into my life.
March 23
“Reason guides but a small part of man, and that the least interesting. The rest obeys feeling, true or false, and passion, good or bad.”
JOSEPH ROUX
Until recently, we thought of ourselves as emotionally fragile. We were highly sensitive individuals, easily upset by difficult people and unexpected situations. Not surprisingly, the turmoil we created within ourselves was often far worse than the outside events that set us off.
But now, thankfully, we’ve begun to react and respond quite differently. We’ve learned that negative thoughts and feelings can harm us only if we allow them to do so. We’ve discovered that potentially destructive attitudes and reactions affect us only if we become attached to them. These days when we notice negative thoughts and ideas entering our mind, we let them flow through rather than dwell on them.
We have also found that we can calm our minds and emotions with spirituality. We have come to believe that God’s peace can help us respond with equanimity and poise to events and circumstances that in the past would have caused us great distress.
We are still sensitive, positively so, but we have found ways to govern our thoughts and feelings and remain serene.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
I own my feelings; they do not own me.
March 24
“Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can.”
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
On the last day of your hospital stay the surgeon stood at the side of your bed and said, “Your inclination will be to let your wife do everything for you. But that will hurt you more than help you. You have to start doing things for yourself again; you have to rebuild your strength and self-worth.”
You haven’t yet found the ideal balance between doing too much and doing too little for yourself, but you are making progress. You’re learning to accept help without hindering your recovery. You are also finding ways to make your wife and other loved ones feel important and needed, by showing that you value their company, opinions, and suggestions.
You’ve also discovered that the little things you’re learning to do for yourself—giving yourself a sponge bath, airing out the room, preparing a sandwich—bring not only personal satisfaction but a real sense of recovery.
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