WARD BEECHER
It’s hard to disagree with the proposition that forgiveness is a powerful force for healing. Many of us know from experience that the act of forgiving can mend relationships, making it possible for love to flow again. Forgiveness can turn the tide of self-destructive negativity and set us free by dissolving toxic and tormenting resentments.
Before we became truly willing to be forgiving, and before we became fully capable of practicing forgiveness, we first had to uncover and discard some of the strange beliefs that were standing in our way. We had long felt, for example, that few acts are sweeter and more satisfying than revenge.
We also had to disavow the notion that proving someone else wrong elevates us in some way. We had to confront and repudiate the belief that some people deserve to be hurt, and that we have a right to manipulate someone with guilt just because he or she wronged us.
Each of these beliefs harmed no one more than ourselves. By accepting this reality and by giving forgiveness the priority it deserves in our lives, we are not only unburdening ourselves but are being healed as well.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Perhaps it’s time to search out the strange beliefs that are making it difficult for me to forgive myself and others.
January 24
“The mind grows sicker than the body in contemplation of its suffering.”
OVID
More than once in recent years I have strongly felt that my body was betraying me. The feeling was of course irrational, but at times I became angry at my surgically repaired heart, at my painfully inflamed joints, and, most frequently, at my immune system for turning against me instead of fighting for me. Needless to say, the longer I held on to the perception that my body was a traitor, the more alienated from myself I became.
When I finally shared these concerns with my close friends in a support group, I received not only empathy but also good advice. I learned that I was self-destructively focusing my anger at my body when I was really angry at the illnesses themselves. As long as my anger was misdirected that way, I couldn’t deal with my harmful emotions constructively. As the result of attending the support group, I am now able to clarify and subdue my feelings when such episodes occur.
I’ve come to an important understanding; that my mind and body are not separate warring entities but rather allies miraculously linked to create the unified whole that is me.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Anger at my physical self inhibits rather than enhances healing.
January 25
“It is best to do things systematically, since we are only human, and disorder is our worst enemy.”
HESIOD
Everything seems to happen at once when there is a medical crisis in the family. It matters little whether we are ill ourselves or we are caregivers—anarchy reigns. We are pulled in many different directions simultaneously, and we are challenged on many levels.
On the physical side there are appointments, treatments, and medications to attend to; there are countless things to do and places to go. We may face powerful new feelings such as despair or terror, as well as uncomfortable old feelings, including guilt and self-pity, which have resurfaced in entirely new ways. At the spiritual level, our faith may be challenged; we may feel let down by God, angry at God, victimized by God.
Clearly, all of this turmoil and pressure must be dealt with, and soon. But how? As simplistic as it may sound, the only way to make progress at each of these levels is to put first things first. Instead of diving in impulsively and trying to do everything at once, we must clear our minds, establish priorities, schedule our time, and deal with one thing at a time, one step at a time.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Simple solutions are always the best.
January 26
“Behold, we know not anything; I can but trust that good shall fall, At last—far off—at last, to all And every winter change to spring.”
ALFRED TENNYSON
You were recently diagnosed with a relatively uncommon chronic and progressive disease. Your doctor spelled out the basics and handed you a thick packet of pamphlets and article reprints to help you better understand the illness.
At home, you began reading about debilitating physical and emotional changes that could occur as the disease progresses; the potential effects of the illness on lifestyle, relationships, and sexuality; powerful medications and the possibility of serious side effects. By the time you finished reading a series of bleak case histories, you were in a complete panic.
Later that week, when the shock had worn off, you garnered the courage to reread the material, this time with composure and a degree of acceptance. You then realized that you had focused only on the negative.
You have since been able to absorb all the messages of encouragement: the fact that physical activity helps rather than hurts the condition; the wide array of pain-relieving treatments available; the documented reality that most people with the illness live relatively normal and productive lives; the possibility of spontaneous and complete remission.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
What about the bright and hopeful side?
January 27
“Mind is the great lever of all things.”
DANIEL WEBSTER
When a psychologist friend suggested to me many years ago that there might be a connection between my violent negativity and the tendency of my illnesses to linger, I scoffed. I wondered aloud how he as a medical professional could actually believe something so “blatantly unscientific.”
My friend didn’t press the point, but he did offer some intriguing examples of the mind’s influence over the body. He recounted tales of mentally controlling pain that allowed “firewalkers” to stride across hot coals. He reminded me of a college professor we both had known who died just weeks after the death of his beloved spouse simply because he lost the will to go on living without her.
He talked about a woman who had experienced false pregnancy. There was no growing fetus in her womb, yet she so strongly believed she was pregnant that her mind triggered a wide array of actual physical changes.
Soon after our discussion, I opened myself to the possibility of a mind/body/spirit connection. I’ve since become a strong believer in that reality, and for years now I have successfully used my own mind and spirit to help in my healing.
