will add fun and excitement to their lives. Yet the reality is actually quite different. Eating these items will cause children to gain weight, thus making them unable to participate in the portrayed activities.
Taking all of this information and putting it together, it is easy to see how children have come to associate food and eating with many emotions and actions. Using food to nurture children, as a reward, to show love, and to help them experience fun and freedom, puts greater importance on food than necessary. And when food is used to deal with or express feelings, children do not learn healthy coping skills. Rather, a child who knows only food as a means of coping with stress, expressing emotions, or nurturing is more likely to turn to eating to deal with life’s problems.
Now, add to this the fact that inactivity, likely due to television and Internet use, is increasing and physical education classes are being cut or downsized and the problem becomes even more serious. According to the most recent study by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, available at the organization’s website (http://aspe.hhs.gov), “Schools are decreasing the amount of free play or physical activity that children receive during school hours. Only about one-third of elementary children have daily physical education, and less than one-fifth have extracurricular physical activity programs at their schools. Daily enrollment in physical education classes among high school students decreased from 42 percent in 1991 to 25 percent in 1995, subsequently increasing slightly to 28 percent in 2003. Outside of school hours, only 39 percent of children ages 9–13 participate in an organized physical activity, although 77 percent engage in free-time physical activity.”
Furthermore, according to statistics from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services at the National Diabetes Information Clearinghouse, approximately 215,000 people younger than twenty years of age have diabetes. Among those twenty years or older, 1.9 million people were newly diagnosed with diabetes in 2010. Approximately 20,000 youths each year are diagnosed with diabetes. This number is expected to increase.
While many point to genetics as the reason for the problems discussed in this chapter, two researchers disagree and point out that society and the cultural environment contribute greatly. The associate director of the division of nutrition at Harvard Medical School points out that genetics in humans have only experienced small changes. As previously noted, 20 to 40 percent of overweight cases are attributable to genetics, and 60 to 80 percent to lifestyle. If we accept this as true, and I do, the rate of childhood obesity can greatly be reduced by making lifestyle changes.
Though the last sentence is the key to successfully helping your child to stop emotionally overeating, please remember that you don’t have to make these lifestyle changes all at once. If you’ve read all of the information in this chapter, you’ve already “digested” a great deal. You may be feeling overwhelmed, or even worse, ineffective as a parent. Realize that these thoughts are quite normal but at the same time think about the fact that they may not be true. Whenever a person begins something new, his or her subconscious feels threatened. The way that the subconscious manages these threats is by using fear or negative thinking as a way to prevent further action.
In other words, since you first began reading this, your subconscious has been in protection mode, attempting to keep your current life intact. This is accomplished by trying to sabotage any new efforts you make at improving your life. Try to think of your subconscious as the voice of a scared child. When a child feels threatened, he or she is likely to “act out,” saying and doing negative things to try and feel in control of the situation. It’s the same with your subconscious. When the status quo of your life seems threatened with change, whether for the better or not, a part of your mind kicks into action to stop something—anything—new from happening.
You are at that point right now. Your mind is telling you all of the reasons why you shouldn’t even begin to undertake changing your child’s eating habits. And it is doing so in a very subtle way. The voices inside of your head probably aren’t denying the fact that your child’s eating habits need improvement. Instead, they are finding things to criticize about the information you’ve just read. They are telling you that this will be too much work or that you don’t have the time. Or perhaps your inner voices are saying that your child isn’t “that bad” or doesn’t need help. Rather than listen to your voices, consider the following example.
At thirteen, Dana was nearly twenty-five pounds overweight and miserable. Unable to participate in many of the same activities that her normal-weight friends did, Dana often turned to food as way of handling the sadness she felt. Though her well-meaning mother regularly tried to limit her intake of junk food, the result was disastrous. Dana, feeling out of control in her life, was determined to have power over her eating no matter how destructive it was. Every time her mother prohibited her from eating high-calorie foods, Dana sneaked food without her mother’s knowledge. The two were at odds with no hope of making any progress.
Desperate to get her daughter help, Dana’s mother decided to follow several of the suggestions outlined in this book. First, she had an honest conversation with her daughter about the health risks of obesity. Then, she began to concentrate on being a good role model by eating healthier herself. And, finally, Dana’s mother offered her daughter several options for changing her eating habits. Rather than impose strict guidelines, Dana’s mother let her child have a say in solving her problem. Even more important, Dana’s mother made sure that her daughter was provided with alternative ways of dealing with the emotions that she regularly ate over.
Today, Dana is a happy, well-adjusted teenager who is living life to the fullest. She no longer needs to overeat and has since learned to eat healthy meals. Dana also made exercise a regular part of her routine. Now, at a normal weight, Dana is enjoying a life she never could have imagined several months ago.
This was only possible because her parents took actions that were unfamiliar, even frightening, at times. Now, it’s your turn. Are you ready to help change your child’s life? If so, read on and find out how.
THOUGH YOU HAVE CHOSEN THIS BOOK TO help your child, in this chapter you will be asked to answer some questions about and to examine your own eating behaviors. While you may be resistant, it’s important to remember a few things before continuing. Despite the fact that you are presented with pointed questions, none of the information here or anywhere else in this book is designed to place blame on you or your parenting skills. It is a waste of energy to squander time thinking about blaming anyone for your child’s situation. Quite the opposite, you are reading this book to help your child. That, alone, shows how much you care for the welfare of your child’s future. A saying from the rooms of twelve-step recovery comes to mind: “If we knew better, we would do better.” Let yourself off the hook for behaviors you may have engaged in before you “knew better.”
This being said, it’s vital that you recognize the patterns in your eating behaviors that have been passed on from your own parents and from their parents. The best way to think of this comes from a lecture given by a famed physician who said that we shouldn’t blame our parents for the dysfunction that is present today. They only did what their parents taught them and their parents did what their parents taught them. The doctor says that we should blame Adam and Eve for starting it all!
Even though this is a humorous example designed to make a point, the idea presented is worth noting. Each set of parents did—and is doing—the best that they knew how and as time goes on, each generation becomes more aware of the harmful habits and makes an effort
