have a major effect on your well-being. You are going to witness benefits that might be hard to imagine right now. Give it time and observe what happens.”
During times of extreme emotion or crisis, abdominal breathing and relaxation may not be the first things we turn to. However, with most day-to-day challenges these practices can provide mighty inner resources. Authentic relaxation quiets the mind in such a way that allows you to better understand yourself and develop your inner potential. In 1961, Carl Jung said, “Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart. . . . Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”4
The following week, Anne announced, “I’ve been practicing the breathing every chance I get. It’s been great. Every morning before getting out of bed I meditate for ten minutes, and then again after work before I prepare dinner. It feels a little weird, and sometimes I resist the feeling because letting go and relaxing can feel a bit out of control to me. That said, I can’t recall ever feeling this calm. It’s as if something good is washing over me. Can we practice meditation together again? I want to make sure I’m doing it right, and it feels different when you’re guiding me than when I practice on my own.”
“Sounds like you’re doing well,” I said. “Just for the record, when you meditate with someone else it is quite different from doing it alone. Listening to guided-meditation CDs or MP3s is also a different experience than practicing on your own. Guided relaxation or meditation sessions can be quite effective, but ultimately I believe it is important to be able to practice on your own. That way, wherever you go or whatever you do, you will not need anyone or any props to help to achieve a deep state of relaxation. Initially, this guidance helps to integrate new ideas and techniques, but in time you will know what cues work best for you, and your own voice will guide you into that profound place. For now, let’s practice together.”
Affirmations to Conquer Addiction
Anne got into a comfortable sitting position, closed her eyes, and followed my instructions. Her breathing slowed and her body relaxed. We practiced for a few minutes. Then I said, “I would like to add something during our meditation together. This time when we practice, let’s incorporate an affirmation—a simple, positive statement about some aspect of your life that you want to work on. Let’s begin the meditation as usual by getting into a relaxed sitting position, in good postural alignment, and repeat the words in and out as you follow the rise and fall of each breath. Then I will add an affirmation. Just go with it and we can discuss your experience afterward.”
Several minutes into the meditation, I told Anne to release the repetition of the words in and out and replace them with the affirmation Already healed. Already whole. “Imagine yourself, using all of your senses, already healed and already whole.” Several minutes later, I suggested, “When you are ready, release the affirmation and take a few moments to relax. Then, without making fast or abrupt movements, gradually open your eyes.” While Anne was in this meditative state, I wanted her to use this affirmation, because when in a relaxed mode, the mind is most receptive to suggestion. I thought the affirmation would help Anne envision a stronger, more confident self.
She slowly opened her eyes. “I think I’m getting better at this, and I like the visual image of the affirmation.” Her tone changed as she said solemnly, “For thirty-three years, I’ve smoked. I always said I would rather smoke than eat. For five days now, I haven’t touched a cigarette. I’ve had some edgy moments, but for the most part I’m calm and feel so good about this accomplishment. My only fear is that it won’t last.”
“That’s a great accomplishment, Anne. You need to keep taking it one day at a time. The fact that you’ve gone five days without a cigarette speaks to your ability and readiness to give up smoking and embrace healthier alternatives. The breathing and meditation will continue to serve you. Every time you crave a cigarette, know that you have alternatives that will not only help you to make better choices but also enhance the quality of your life. Remember, deep breathing is the fastest way to stifle your desire to smoke.”
Affirmation Strategy
Create a list of qualities about yourself that you deem negative.
Write an affirmation from a positive perspective countering each negative.
Create an affirmation or positive self-statement that is simple, supportive, and attainable.
Repeat your affirmation often.
Practice while relaxed because that is when the mind is most receptive to suggestion.
Anchor the affirmation in your body by pairing it with abdominal breathing.
When you experience benefits from your current affirmations, compose and begin to practice new affirmations to counter other negative beliefs.
Affirmations practiced while in a relaxed state counteract negative thoughts and boost self-esteem. You can continue to shape your self-perception by progressively challenging negative self-beliefs and overriding them with the use of affirmations.
Anne began weaving her practice of abdominal breathing, meditation, and affirmations into her daily routine. At last, she had concrete tools to prevent or minimize her anxiety and support her as she confronted her smoking addiction. Armed with these strategies, Anne felt empowered to take greater responsibility for her health rather than relying on sheer willpower. Instead of feeling like a weak or bad person when she slipped, she would remind herself to get back to the practices that helped her feel strong and competent.
Over the next few months, things began to change for Anne. She had backed off from Justin, found herself more relaxed and energized, and started to have inklings of wanting more out of life. As her emotions became more positive and her self-confidence improved, she became aware of her lack of friendships. She no longer wanted to isolate herself, but instead wished to cultivate a greater sense of belonging. The problem for Anne was figuring out how and where to begin her efforts to connect with others. I suggested that a good start would be for her to open up to me in the safety and privacy of the therapy room.
Sharing Her Story
Over the next weeks, Anne began talking more freely with me and with Stephen. I noticed that her face became brighter and her body less rigid. She said, “I’ve noticed I’m more aware of how I am feeling without having to numb myself with cigarettes. I’ve been paying attention to the thoughts that keep coming up in my mind. Maybe it’s because I’m no longer smoking, or maybe because I have options now when it comes to dealing with painful memories.” Anne slowly scanned my face. She breathed in deeply and then said she wanted to talk about her past.
This was a breakthrough for her. “That’s great, Anne. We’ll move at whatever pace works best for you. If any topic feels too sensitive, we can stop and revisit it later.”
She began: “I grew up in a middle-class town in Connecticut, the middle of five girls. Mother was strict and self-absorbed. She had rules about the way we dressed, spoke, and studied, and about whom we chose as friends. When we didn’t follow orders, we paid the consequences. It wasn’t uncommon for one of us to go to bed without dinner. She spanked us when we neglected our chores or disobeyed her commands. Beth and I got it the worst. On one or two occasions, Mother made me sit alone in the basement for hours. I think she forgot I was there, but I remember being terrified.
“Father was nowhere to be found when she was doling out punishments. I remember wishing
