some important self-observations. Then, uncharacteristically, I decided to reveal something from my own experience with cigarette addiction, hoping my self-disclosure would pave the way for Anne to do more of the same: “I struggled with my own cigarette habit, and the abdominal breathing helped me conquer the addiction. Whenever I craved a cigarette, I would go outside, regardless of the weather, and practice deep-breathing exercises. The more the breathing became ingrained in me, the less I wanted to smoke, until I finally quit. You will know when it’s time for you to give up the smoking. In the meantime, just keep practicing the breathing in any or all of the ways that we discussed.”
The Relaxation Response
At our next session, I asked Anne if she was interested in learning another technique known as the “relaxation response.” She readily agreed.
Relaxation response is a term that was coined by Herbert Benson in the mid-1970s. Benson popularized the ancient technique of meditation through research and scientific validation. He found that the relaxation response was the counterpoint to the “fight-or-flight” response. Relaxation occurs when the body no longer perceives danger and the functioning of the autonomic nervous system returns to normal. The body releases chemicals and the brain sends signals that make the muscles and organs slow down. Metabolism decreases, as do heart rate, blood pressure, and muscular tension. Breathing becomes slower and deeper, leading to diminished anxiety, irritability, and pain levels. There is also an increase in blood flow to the brain, creating a calming effect, and an increase in energy, motivation, and concentration. Initiation of the relaxation response also helps with sleep disorders.
I told her we would take about ten minutes to practice this method, which was a slight variation of Benson’s original technique. We began by focusing on the breath, the lowest common denominator for any relaxation training. I suggested, “Straighten yourself up in a comfortable sitting position. You will automatically breathe more deeply and efficiently when you are in good postural alignment. Uncross your arms and legs. Relax your shoulders so they fall naturally over your torso. Gently press your lower back against the couch or use one of the pillows for support. Lift up your chest bone and let your lower back continue to sink down into the back of the couch. Don’t worry about your posture after you begin this exercise, just allow yourself to relax into it.”
I encouraged Anne to remove her glasses and to loosen the top button of her pants so she could breathe more fully. “Relax your closed eyes.” I noticed her eyes fluttering, as though she was having difficulty with this instruction. “You don’t have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable,” I told her. “These are only suggestions.”
“I’m ready to do this. My body is just being rebellious. I’m still not used to relaxing. It all feels strange, but I want to learn.”
“You will. Relax your eyes closed, allowing your eyes to roll slightly upward without straining them. Relax all of your facial muscles, especially the little muscles around your eyes and jaw. Part your lips and relax your tongue. Let your face become serene and expressionless. Allow your whole body to relax into the couch, feeling fully supported. Feel the contact that your feet are making with the floor and feel your feet being fully supported. Remain still and notice the rise and fall of each breath without manipulating the breath in any way. Just observe the sensation of the breath in your body. Now repeat the word in to yourself as you breathe in, and out as you breathe out. Notice the rise and fall of each breath. When your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath. Thoughts are like the clouds passing by in the sky. Let them keep moving through. Allow any sound or distractions to serve as cues to bring you back to the breath. Most importantly, just allow yourself to be in the present moment without judgment.”
Anne and I practiced this exercise silently together. I reminded her a few times to breathe in and breathe out and to gently and lovingly bring her attention back to the breath whenever her mind wandered. After about ten minutes of practice, I told her, “Release the repetition of the words in and out and slowly bring yourself back into the room, back into the present moment, and, when you are ready, gradually begin opening your eyes.” Once she opened her eyes and had a moment to adjust, I asked her what she had noticed. Anne said, “I don’t think I was doing it right. I couldn’t concentrate or remain still, and the barrage of thoughts never stopped, although I do feel quite relaxed.”
I assured Anne, “Taking the time to sit still and focus on the breath at any given time is a form of relaxation. It is also considered to be a form of meditation.” Additionally, this technique and the breath work are vehicles for developing mindfulness. It takes time and practice for people to feel like they are mastering this skill. The most common challenges involve quieting the mind and keeping out intrusive thoughts. The best thing to do is to stop resisting thoughts. Allow the thoughts to pass without dwelling on them. Thoughts are a natural activity. Meditation can be a way to experience greater inner peace. This peace comes about not by eliminating thoughts, but by tuning in to the silence, the gap that is naturally present between our thoughts. Sometimes we find our way into the gap and experience the sensation of suspended time and space. This is perhaps the exception for most of us. Nevertheless, every time we sit and practice meditation, we derive a multitude of physical and psychological benefits, even when it feels like nothing is happening.
Relaxation and Meditation Technique
Sit comfortably with the lower back supported. If necessary, lie down.
Take a few deep breaths to relax the mind and body.
Close the eyes and relax all facial muscles.
Repeat the word in as you breathe in, and out as you breathe out.
Notice the rise and fall of each breath.
When your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to the breath.
Allow your thoughts to keep moving through like clouds passing by.
Let sounds and distractions serve as cues for bringing your focus back to the breath.
Accept whatever thoughts or feelings come to mind.
Open your eyes gradually after the allotted time.
Notice how you feel after the practice session.
Practice for five to twenty minutes once or twice daily.
When we stop struggling with what is naturally occurring, we can experience calm and tranquility. The idea is to have a passive attitude about thoughts without fueling them, and to continue bringing your attention back to your breath when possible. Relaxation and meditation can look and feel as though you are doing nothing, but they are powerful tools for health and healing of the mind and the body.
“Authentic relaxation is a skill you develop over time,” I told Anne. “Every time you relax deeply or meditate, it is a different experience. There is always something to be gained whenever you sit and practice. There is no such thing as doing this perfectly. With each meditation, you are training yourself to settle down, pay attention, and see things as they really are. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you learn these methods. It may not be apparent to you now, but there is a subtle yet profound transformation taking place within you every time you practice.”
Anne thought for a moment and then said with determination, “I’m making a commitment to practice meditation for at least ten minutes a day. Maybe this will help me to slow down
