eyes, looking nothing like my dark-haired, brown-eyed brother and sister. But even more surprising was the realization that their little girl had a disability. I was born with cerebral palsy (CP), which is a non-progressive condition caused by brain damage characterized by muscular or motor impairment. CP is often accompanied by problems with sensation, perception, and speech.
No two cases of CP are exactly alike, and cases range from extremely severe to relatively mild. I am very fortunate as my case is very mild. However, I still spent time in a wheelchair, grew up wearing leg braces, and still suffer from a speech impediment as well as severe bilateral hearing loss.
As a little girl, I can remember watching the neighborhood kids playing in the street and wondering if I were ever going to be one of them. Would they ever accept me or would they continue to poke fun at me and the way I walked? Something told me that I was going to be subjected to their mockery for a long time, and I was. Through it all, the one thing that I craved more than anything else in the world was happiness. I craved it with a passion. But how could I be happy when I was not accepted by the outside world? How could I be happy when I struggled to get by with my level of hearing and fell down almost daily from the lack of balance in my legs?
My teenage years were especially difficult as kids continued to make fun of me and even physically abused me. Again, I was absolutely miserable. If it weren't for the support of my family and friends, I don't know what I would have done. But if you were to ask my parents how I was as a baby, they would tell you that I was the happiest thing on the face of this earth, always smiling, always content and happy. So what happened?
Somewhere along the line, I let people dictate my feelings. I believed, like many others, that people determine our happiness. We can all attest to this when we make comments like “he makes me so happy.” The fact is you make yourself happy. No one else can do that for you. Yet many of us have been unhappy for so long that we have no clue how to get back to our original state of happiness—our true self. We get so caught up in everything that is going on around us that we develop a form of amnesia and have no idea who or what we are anymore. The good news is your true inherent state is still there and will always be there. It's who you are. You need only to take the time to uncover it once again.
It is finding this inner peace that supersedes anything physical on this earth and brings all of us to a state of joy and contentment where we can once again meet with true understanding. This is a gradual process that takes time and cannot happen overnight. I didn't wake up one morning and suddenly decide to be happy. I came to many realizations in life which eventually changed my view of this precious world and the people around me. For one thing, I realized just how rich I am. There's a Buddhist proverb that states, “He who is satisfied with what he has is rich.” I couldn't agree more.
I changed my thoughts and hence, my life. As I said before, our thoughts create our reality. Think of it this way: everything that you do, you've thought of first. Well, then, what exactly is reality? Do you believe that everything you see is real? If it's real, it's only because you've made it real. Everything that we see is a manifestation of the way we think. 50 percent of our attitudes and beliefs are said to be learned by the time we are four-years-old. Over the next ten years by the age of fourteen, psychologists believe we learn another 40 percent of our beliefs.
This explains why we forget our inherent true nature and thus lose touch with our state of happiness within. Consider the fact that the human brain is estimated to be capable of processing one hundred trillion instructions per second. The fastest super computer in the world, known as the Roadrunner, is only about ten times faster than the human brain. But the actual computational power of the human brain is hard to pinpoint because it is also controlling the sensory, aural, and visual input of millions of nerve cells throughout the body. Let's not forget, too, that the brain is also monitoring oxygen, the heart, breathing, etc.
Nerve cells constantly send messages to your brain telling you, for instance, whether your coffee is hot or cold or whether you feel happy or sad. The good news is we choose which of these messages we want to focus on at any given time.
So, then, can we change our reality? Absolutely, we can by simply changing the way we think and what we choose to focus on. These choices then precede action and reaction. For example, say I choose to focus on the fact that one of my friends lied to me in the past, I may then become upset and opt not to speak to this person again. Let's try this from another angle.
Now, say this same friend lied to me, but I choose to instead focus on his good traits. I may then laugh his action off and continue on with the friendship for many years to come. How we respond to the past will continue to control what happens in the future unless we learn to take control of the present by changing the way we think.
This book was born not out of my desire to be happy but out of the realization that I am already and will always be. Please don't misunderstand me here. I am not saying that I don't experience times of unhappiness and distress. Being happy does not mean you are never unhappy. I have been there many times and will be there time and time again. After the birth of my daughter Erica, I was diagnosed with melanoma, the worst form of skin cancer. Since then, I've had so many moles surgically removed from my body that I've often felt like a piece of Swiss cheese. I've also feared that I would not be around to see my children grow up.
So again, I am by no means saying that I don't experience negative emotions such as anger, doubt, or unhappiness. My ego self still often comes to the surface. What I am saying is that I have totally accepted myself and who I am.
This is the most crucial step on the road to happiness. Without total acceptance, there can be no happiness. In my case, it took me a long time to accept myself with all my so-called “imperfections.” Growing up with a disability was not easy and continues to be difficult today. But I would never change anything about my life. I accept myself and love myself as I am.
It is difficult for many people to love themselves. It seems almost egotistical or conceited. Yet, you will never know your true nature unless you know love. You will never know love unless you give love. It goes full circle because, once again, love and happiness are our true nature.
Total acceptance is so important that I'd like you to try an exercise before we get further into this book. Put this book down and go look yourself in the mirror. I mean really, truly look in the mirror and please be honest with yourself.
The following are the 10 W's of happiness. Please answer the following:
1. Who am I?
2. What do I need?
3. What are my desires?
4. What and who makes me happy?
5. What makes me unhappy?
6. What do I have?
7. What do I want?
8. What am I grateful for?
9. What could I do to be happy right now?
10. What does happiness mean to me?
Your answers to these questions will dictate what you get out of this book. So, again, please take the time to reflect on your answers. If you were to ask me who am I, I would tell you first and foremost that I am the mother of two beautiful girls. This is what is most important to me in my life.
Question four is another significant one. What and who makes me happy? If your grandchildren make you happy, then spend more time with them even if it means getting on a plane and flying across the country. If dancing brings out the happiness within, then don't walk, dance. Do more of whatever makes you happy NOW!
How
