I need? Well, I used to think that I needed a bigger house. Truthfully, my family and I are pretty cramped in our home. But the fact is I don't need a bigger house, I want a bigger house. There is a big difference between our wants and needs. Too often people don't understand the difference because they are too busy concentrating on what they don't have rather than what they do have. You get the picture. It really helps to put things into perspective.
Look at it this way, going back to the need for a bigger house above, what happens when you get the bigger house? People are constantly falling into the “I'll be happy when” scenario only to realize that they are no happier when they reach their goal. Until you realize that happiness is your true self, you will forever be searching for more. And I guarantee you that you will always come up short.
Once you can appreciate what you already have in your life, you will attract more of it into your life. As Marci Shimoff, best-selling author and featured teacher in The Secret, explains later in this book, “Like attracts like. What you appreciate, appreciates. Whenever you appreciate the happiness that already exists in your life, you attract more of it into your life.”
If your appreciation expands, you will continue to bring happiness to others and hence bring it back to yourself. As the great American psychic Edgar Cayce noted, “Happiness is a state of mind by giving to others.”
This book is not about teaching you how to be happy. It's about what your soul already knows to be true. The following Spirit Boosters are simple tips that can help you choose happiness by changing your thoughts and helping you to focus on the positive. Studies have shown that doing so actually changes the chemistry of your brain. In one such experiment, patients suffering from depression either were treated with drugs or cognitive-behavior therapy. The results revealed that each set of patients experienced completely different changes in the same area of the brain. In other words, positive thinking will actually bring about changes to the makeup of your brain the same way medication can.
I encourage you to use the PT (positive thoughts) Journal in the back of this book. Keeping such a journal will help you develop an attitude about gratitude. How you feel about happiness affects everything else in your life (all of your relationships, decisions, goals, desires…everything!).
Continually emphasizing the things you are grateful for trains your brain to concentrate on the positives in your life rather than the negative. So, while individually some of the Spirit Boosters in this book may seem almost trivial, together and over time these steps are transformative as they can work to bring our true nature to the surface once again.
The Happiness PPF Pre-Test
Happiness means different things to different people, but overall how we think about ourselves, our place in this world and how we act is what differentiates happy people from the less happy people.
Below is what I call the PPF Test. There is, of course, no right or wrong answer. This questionnaire is meant to help you gauge your happiness level by testing your PPF which refers to being:
• Accepting of the PAST
• Actively Happy in the PRESENT and
• Optimistic about the FUTURE
Think each question through and be honest. You will have the opportunity to take this again later to determine whether or not your attitude has changed.
If you really want to lift your spirit, you must realize first and foremost that life is a gift. It is not something to be taken for granted. I know because I am very guilty of doing just that. We all do. We get so caught up in our day-to-day routines that we don't stop to realize how lucky we truly are.
For me, it took the idea of death to awaken my very spirit and make me realize how precious life really is. I was diagnosed with melanoma, the worst form of skin cancer, at the age of thirty-five. Up until then, I never took my time too seriously. Nowadays, I appreciate everything about my life: my family, my friends, my ability to write, the beautiful evergreens in my backyard, etc. Ironically, being diagnosed with a potentially fatal cancer taught me about the value of life.
There's a Taoist saying which states that the emptiness inside of a jug is what makes it useful. At first, I didn't understand what this meant. But then I equated the saying to the significance of making time for the important things in life.
If a jug is full, we can't put anything else in it. Likewise, if we speed through life going from one routine to the next, we won't have the time to realize what's in front of us; we can't just be content and enjoy life because we are constantly struggling to maintain it.
Have you ever noticed that when you are on vacation, time seems to slow down? The days seem a little longer. The reason for this is simple: when we slow down, our lives slow down too, and we have more time to appreciate life and just be happy.
Most people think of sexual relations when they hear the word intimacy. And, in fact, being intimate with another individual can mean that you are sexually active with that person. However, it can also mean the closeness you feel to a friend.
Most people are afraid to seek intimacy because they are afraid of getting hurt. But the joy that you stand to gain from opening up to another person; the warmth that you will feel from that mutual bond is well worth the risk. After all, as Alfred Lord Tennyson said, “ 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
Richard Friedman once said, “Money will buy you a fine dog, but it will not make it wag its tail.” Although many are quick to assume that having more money will make them feel happy, research has shown time and time again that the relationship between happiness and money is, in fact, very slim.
Sure, you may experience a feeling of joy after finding out you've won the lottery for example, but this moment of bliss is not long-term and does not contribute to your overall level of happiness. In fact, excessive wealth can cause depression for those who are not accustomed to it.
I'm not saying that I wouldn't mind a little extra cash. God knows I could use it! But let's say I had three million dollars and I didn't have my husband or my children to love me, the money might make my life easier, but it certainly would not make me happier.
