toy is sliding in hold the condom open to make sure that it does not slip to the side between the condom and your vagina or anus.
To remove an internal condom
Now the good times have happened and it’s time for the condom to be taken out.
1.If there is cum (semen) in the condom, twist the outer ring (the part hanging out) to keep the semen inside the pouch.
2.Gently pull it out of your vagina or anus and be careful not to spill the cum if there is any.
3.Throw that thing away because it is not reusable.
Sometimes it can move around during sex but the penis/sex toy should be completely surrounded by the condom at all times.
Do not think that you are being extra safe by using an internal and external condom. You might think you are being sharp but you are just increasing the chances of the condom(s) tearing.
‘But I’m clean’: Negotiating condom use
People trying to finesse risky sex should throw up huge red flags because part of healthy, happy sex is safe sex.
Knowing better means doing better.
Condoms are an important part of safe sex and there are different ways of engaging with them. Conversations about condom use should happen before the sex kicks off. Have the conversation before you are both butt naked and navigate any tricky terrain ahead of time. If it is a one-night stand or a quickie, have condoms on you and before the kissing and touching gets too hot and heavy, slow it down and have that conversation. Having the conversation when things start steaming up could lead to a slip-up of ‘just this once’.
There are some ways people try to wiggle out of wearing a condom when they don’t want to embrace the idea of being safe and sexy. Below are some thoughts on how to call bullsh*t and respond to some funky statements.
‘But I am clean and disease free! Don’t you trust me?’
‘I do trust you but sometimes people can have STIs and not know it. In fact, quite a few people do. Using protection means we can take care of both of us.’
‘Sex with condoms spoils things, it doesn’t feel the same.’
‘I feel more comfortable using protection and that’s an important part of me enjoying this. Also there are so many ways that using condoms doesn’t spoil things.’
‘But I/you are on the pill so…’
‘The pill doesn’t stop STIs and we both want to be safe in this … ’
‘There is no penis involved … no stick, no STIs.’
‘Sex between two people with vaginas can still mean catching some types of STIs so using condoms for things such as giving head and sharing toys is so necessary.’
‘I’m a little low on condoms aka I do not have any on me.’
‘I have some, right here.’ (This is where you make sure you keep some around or on you.)
‘Condoms can be confusing and I don’t know how to use them.’
‘I can show you and we can make it fun and sexy (bring out a little lube and quick wink). Want me to put it on for you?’
‘Let’s just do it without a condom this time.’
‘It only takes one time to get pregnant and/or to get an STI. I just can’t have sex unless I know I’m as safe as I can be.’
‘Other people don’t make me wrap it up!’
‘I am not other people and this is not just for me but for both of us. Asking you to use protection is something I want and should be able to ask for, like great sex. And the sex can be great. Even with a condom.’
It’s not only about the condoms. You always have to think about the fact that anything can happen. Protect yourself.
11
SLIPPIN’ AND SLIDIN’: WHY AND HOW YOU SHOULD USE LUBE
People have some shady ideas about lube. Frankly, it has a little bit of a bad rep. You only use it if something is really wrong and if something is wrong, well, something is wrong. Either something is not right with you or your partner is not doing what needs to happen to make the waters gush forward. But this is not true and there’s a reason that a lot of people put time and effort into making some wet and wild lubricants that can enhance your sex life if used properly. It’s time to brush up on your knowledge about your little liquid helper.
How dry sex becomes diseased sex
The existence of a wet vagina is linked to a whole host of things that people like to be problematic about. Supposedly a wet vagina means that someone is loose or they have a disease. It’s even thought to be a sign of having a lot of sex with a lot of people (who aren’t their partner). People with vaginas are trying to dry them out in a whole host of wild ways. In Indonesia there are people squatting over some smoky herbs, in Malawi women are pulverising rock and putting it in their punani, whilst in South Africa people are pouring Coke into the wrong set of lips. There are people inserting vagina cigars to keep it ‘clean and dry’. There are people putting bleach, cloths, detergents (do your laundry instead people), antiseptics and even alcohol8 up there. There is even some chat about vagina steaming as a way of drying things out and tightening things up.
It’s already bad enough that douching and feminine hygiene products are a billion-dollar industry as if vaginas should smell of anything except … vagina. No one is growing a field of fruits down there, thank you very much.
Having a dry vagina is not a real thing and the problem with the idea of dry sex (other than being absolutely trash sex, because it can be incredibly painful) is that it puts you at higher risk of HIV and other STIs due to micro tears in condoms and vaginal abrasions. Dry sex means that you are more likely to spread STIs.
Dry sex sucks.
And this is where the lube comes in. Using lube isn’t only about pleasurable sex, it also becomes an important part of being safe during sex and STI transmission prevention.
Here are some myths about lube we need to leave behind and embrace that slippery goodness.
Myth 1: You only use it when something is ‘wrong’
It’s time to have sex and you are drier than the Sahara Desert in the middle of global warming. This can happen, and there are a lot of different reasons for a vagina to not produce the necessary moisture. The list of reasons is quite long and includes (but isn’t limited to) being dehydrated, taking certain common medications, hormonal imbalances, not feeling the situation or not being quite turned on yet. Stresses of life can also affect your ability to get wet, you can be incredibly horny and full of arousal but it is just not happening psychologically, which affects your
