a flat top with a centre parting.
STEPHEN: He’s a pillock, isn’t he? All the money he’s got – why hasn’t he got a stylist? He wears his trousers up here, his tits are down here …
CHRIS: And he wears the same clothes all the time, doesn’t he?
STEPHEN: George Lamb’s got great hair.
CHRIS: Beautiful hair. I’ve always really liked Drew Barrymore’s hair.
STEPHEN: Pat Butcher. Can’t go wrong with a blonde crop, can you? That’s my kind of hairdressing: shit. Fuck knows how I get away with it. I used to lay tarmac before I hairdressed.
CHRIS: I’m liking Cheryl Cole’s hair at the moment. Sort of rooty and blonde and all that. But how much of that’s really hers? Mind you, I had implants.
STEPHEN: They took hair off his arsehole.
CHRIS: No, they didn’t.
STEPHEN: You can, though. You can take hair off your arsehole and put it in your head. As long as it’s yours.
CHRIS: They can take your beard hair, they can take your chest hair, or armpit hair. Anywhere. And then insert it. I don’t know if, when they pull it into your head, it adapts. I mean, just imagine if someone actually had their pubes removed and put on their head.
STEPHEN: Yeah, but you could have straighteners put on it.
WOULD YOU NORMALLY WATCH TV TOGETHER?
CHRIS: When we were dating, we used to sit in and watch TV.
STEPHEN: Tsk. Fucking brilliant, it was.
CHRIS: Because you never wanted to go out on a Saturday night.
WHAT DO YOU DISAGREE ON?
CHRIS: I love Millionaire Matchmaker.
STEPHEN: I can’t stand that woman.
CHRIS: She’s a bitch. But she knows her stuff. I love the fact that she really puts the millionaires in their place, because they think they’re bloody God’s gift. And she slaps them down, so I love her. She’s great.
STEPHEN: It’s a load of old drivel. I love the History Channel. And I like anything to do with World War II.
CHRIS: Oh God. Boring.
STEPHEN: Come on, you’ve got to love all that.
CHRIS: There’s so many other things that I quite like in history, like Pompeii – anything like that is cool. Spartacus: Blood and Sand was very homoerotic. You’re watching it literally peering through your fingers, but then you get all these full frontal naked men and you’re just, like, oh my God! So you have to watch it just for that.
GAY MEN ON TV WHEN YOU
WERE GROWING UP
STEPHEN: I remember seeing Jimmy Somerville on TV and thinking, I know I’m like that, and I really don’t want to be. You know, the bleached hair and the dancing like he did. It wasn’t until EastEnders, when there was a gay couple that didn’t seem stereotypical. One of them was a tall fella with grey hair.
But I didn’t come out until I was about twenty-five, because I was from a council estate, and you just kept your mouth shut.
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