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UMAR: What’s a micropenis?
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STEPHEN: Where do they find these people from? She looks like fucking Ken Dodd.
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LINDA: I know a man named Hitler. You’d think he’d change his name, wouldn’t you?
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BAASIT: I’ve like rushed home to go to the toilet, but never to watch a programme about toilets.
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STEPH: I thought the world was going to explode when we ran out of gin.
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BILL: You know Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button, don’t you?
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LEON: I want a Smartphone.
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JUNE: Leon, you’re not smart enough to have a Smartphone.
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SANDRA: The last time I saw a tub of Vaseline I wasn’t very happy when I saw it.
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STEPHEN: I love Dave. We named our dildo after him.
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BAASIT: The further north you go, the more bear-like women look. I’m sure there’s been studies done in that.
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LEON: Didn’t I go out with a girl who was in for Miss Shell Oil Refinery?
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UMAR: One of Hull’s problems is that it’s called Hull.
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VIV: I wanted to be on Jim’ll Fix It. I’m very glad Jim didn’t fix it for me, I’m telling you. Ugh.
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STEPHEN: She’s gone out looking for a meteorite, but she’s fucking minge-deep in snow.
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LINDA: What’s the best birthday you’ve ever had?
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PETE: You had laryngitis once.
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SANDRA: I love Antique Roadshow. Posh car boot sale.
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LOUIS: Baldrick, time has not been good to you, my friend.
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UMAR: What do you call a Pakistani guy standing in between two houses?
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