without being asked to help, to do things like carry in groceries from the car.
Sorbo is instilling the same work ethic with his children, 7, 4, and 3 years old. “It’s very important these guys learn responsibility,” he said. The children put their dishes in the sink after a meal, take out the trash, help set the table, clean up their rooms and pick up their toys.
Sorbo has created a family environment in which his children want to pitch in without being reminded.
“I came home one afternoon and found my 7 year old son raking leaves by himself. He said, ‘Dad, I’m just helping out without being asked.’”
Kevin Sorbo rose to stardom in the hit TV series, “Hercules the Legendary Journeys,” and has been cast in a score of TV and movie roles since then.
Computer commodore for life
I really wanted a Commodore 64 computer when I was 12 years old in 1982.
My dad made me a deal: he would buy the computer if I promised to help him print mailing and address labels. He bought it. I worked for my dad for three years and learned how to program the computer.
If it wasn’t for my dad making me generate labels (he sells insurance and is a financial planner), my life would be remarkably different.
At 16, I started a successful Internet technology consulting business that I run today, now called Brainlink.
My father launched my career, and life-long passion with that simple request.
Rajesh Goel Queens, New York
Chief Technology Officer--www.brainlink.com
New practices: Have the courage to be imperfect. Everyone makes mistakes. View your family members and yourself as actors.
Challenge: Write down your most pressing problem with your child or teen on a sticky note on the inside cover. Set it aside for now.
For group discussion or journaling: What do I hope to gain by creating a positive parenting plan? How is my family of origin different from the family I have now? How did my parents influence the type of parent I am?
Key points from A Positive Parenting Plan
•The root of discipline is disciple. A disciple is a student. Our children are our students. We are the teachers.
•When implementing new strategies, anticipate children may react the same way you would react to a broken vending machine -- protest, shake and scream. Don’t waiver.
•Avoid trying. Do it or not.
•Practice the courage to be imperfect.
•Four types of parenting styles are democratic permissive, over-protective and authoritarian.
•Start small, encourage yourself and build on success.
•Begin taking action and avoid excessive words and warnings.
•Read ahead to Chapter 17, Name It and Tame It if you’re the serious student. It will provide much insight.
2. The Benefits of Chores Last a Lifetime
Parents began to stop nagging and realized that they did not
need to be slaves to their children in order to be good parents.
Rudolf Dreikurs
Summer Ice Princess
When I was 10 years old, my father took me aside in his basement sanctuary filled with tools to mold wood and metal, where he spent much of his free time.
“Susan, this summer, I want you to make ice for everyone.”
“But Dad, the new fridge has an automatic ice maker.”
“It won’t make enough ice for everyone,” he said quietly.
With seven people living there for the summer, Dad knew the ice bin would inevitably be empty when he wanted a few cubes for his iced tea.
“Here are the ice cube trays.” He showed me four metal ice trays covered in dust and cobwebs. They were gross, ancient and awkward compared to the majestic automatic icemaker upstairs that effortlessly dispensed ice without spilling a drop of water.
Every, 20 minutes the marvelous machine announced the arrival of three cubes by expelling them with a clatter in the tall bin. However, the machine worked like chickens. It laid cubes only under optimum conditions. Even then, nine cubes an hour couldn’t keep up with demand.
“If you make ice once or twice a day with these trays, it will give us enough ice for the summer,” Dad said. I overlooked the hated trays because I loved my father, wanted his approval, and to contribute to the family.
Dad was a man of few words. He liked to work alone at home and as a research scientist at the DuPont Company. Dad didn’t ask much or say much while he showed quiet dedication to our family. His main goals were to get us to keep down the noise, shut off the lights and use less hot water. The ice project was the first job he ever assigned to me. I felt special. I accepted responsibility to provide surplus ice all summer for the family.
Doing jobs at home transmits values
The ice project emanated from my father’s values: saving money by doing-it-yourself, using the equipment you owned (no matter how old) and planning ahead.
Born in 1919, Dad came-of-age in the Great Depression. Combined with the thriftiness necessary with having nine children, making ice fit in with one of Dad’s fundamental life purposes: to save money.
It never occurred to me to say, “How much are you going to pay me for this?” Or, “Why aren’t you asking Mary or Brian to make ice?” As the eighth of nine children, making ice offered me a way to contribute to the family that no one else could claim.
“Use these bags.” Dad showed me a box of new plastic bags.
“Cool,” I thought. The family rule was to use old bread bags with stale crumbs in the bottom. My job was special because I was allowed to use new plastic bags. It doesn’t take much to please children.
I took my duty seriously and harvested about four pounds of ice first thing in the morning and again after dinner. Dad was right. The mechanical icemaker was inadequate. When we opened the freezer too often during hot
